Subject: Vampyres: Fluff: If I were a vampire
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997 20:44:43 -0400
To: vampyres-l@lists.best.com

A musical answer to the question: what if you were a vampire?

(To the tune of: "If I were a rich man")

copyright 1997 by Anne Fraser

If I were a vampire
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum
All night long I would sip on ladies' blood
If I were an undead man!

I wouldn't have to work days
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum
If I were an bitten by a bat undead man!

I'd build a great big mansion with vaults by the dozen
Right on the top of a cliff
A fine wine cellar and real cobwebs galore!
I'd have one coffin for weekday nights, another one for guests
And more lying open just for show!

I would fill my yard with bats and wolves and cats and rats
Howling just as noisily as they can.
And each loud serenade to the moon would sound like a trumpet on the 
ear.
As if to say here dwells an undead man!

If I were a vampire,
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum
All night long I would sip on ladies' blood
If I were an undead man!

I wouldn't have to work days
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum
If I were a bitten by a bat undead man!

I see myself, my goodness, dressed like a vampire
With a proper opera cape.  
Hunting for my meals to my heart's delight.
I see me flapping like a brown bat, oi what a happy mood I'm in!
Chasing girls to get that vital bite!

I would have the fangs that I lack to nibble on human prey
And I could hang upside down on the wall
I would lock up my mansion against hunters during the day
And that would be the safest thing of all.

If I were a vampire
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum.
All night long I would sip on ladies' blood
If I were an undead man!

I wouldn't have to work days
Vlad-a diddle diddle diddle dum

Vlad, who turned Lestat and St Germain
You could make me undead just the same
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan
If I were an undead man?
_____
Comments and bricks may be tossed at:
fraser@library.utoronto.ca


Return-Path: 
Message-Id: <199707171146.EAA04379@lists1.best.com>
From: Jim Bintz 
Subject: Vampyres: Fluff: If I were a vampire
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 07:42:11 -0400
To: vampyres-l@lists.best.com

Anne,

It was great!  I loved that film -- best cinematography of the decade.

A few of the verses didn't quite scan but --

        "Whadda you talking about, shiksa-boy? =

        You vant Shakespeare?  Go to England!  OY!
        So ve got a few diddles missing here, ask your Aunt Strophe!
        All of a sudden, ve gotta have meshuginah critics?
        Here, siddown, have some chicken soup..."

I'll practise the melody on fiddle -- we'll sing it at Bloodstock.
Somebody bring a harcopy -- I don't have a printer at home.

        LAYBROTHER

Return-Path: 
Message-Id: <199707171142.EAA03179@lists1.best.com>
From: Jim Bintz 
Subject: Vampyres: Addendum: "Nibbler on the Roof"
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 07:41:46 -0400
To: vampyres-l@lists.best.com

Inspired by Anne's effort, and in the spirit of Dracula's Centennial,
(and to satisfy my own wicked sense of humor)
I offer the following substitution for the Temple verse:

I'd have one or two or three extra Renfields
Craz-i-ly serving every need
Guarding secret chambers behind the walls
And there'd be Bloo-fers, Lu-cys, Minas-by-the-dozen
Lusting to be my every Feed
Ah, that would be the grandest thing of all....

        If you please, noble master...
        Sample THESE, noble master...
        Offering bosoms that would cross Hugh Hefner's eyes
        Eye- yi-yi-yi (Oy gevault!  Such bazongas!)

Oh, if I Were a Vampyre...


                Have a good day, fiends!
                (Hmmm, can you say that to a vampire...?)


                LAYBROTHER BAT



    Source: geocities.com/g_redoak