March 7, 2001
[02:28 AM, PST]

Okay, this shall be my first rant of the day... *sigh*... I think I've come to the conclusion that God's seriously trying to tell me something. SERIOUSLY... I don't know what it is or what's the point but I'm getting the feeling that He's trying to get at me...
Why do I think so? Let's see how things are going for Gabe right now...

1. I get laid off from Gamers.com earlier this year, end of January to be specific.
2. My car receives a pair of dents from stupid Berkeley drivers with the vision of a one-eyed ass with astigmatism. I proceed to pay off $1400 for car repairs.
3. I just received a moving violation ticket a few hours ago from running through an intersection with a flashing red light which NORMALLY doesn't have a flashing red light 'til four hours later.

So what does all this mean? I have no FRIGGIN' clue. Regarding the ticket, this shall be the second one I've received in a year. My sister recommended me to go to court and ask for traffic school... with my head floating through of what to say to the judge, I'm mentally exhausted and thoroughly annoyed at the prospect.

I'm trying to think about it... what are these signs pointing at? One may say that probably Berkeley is not just for me anymore... that I move out while I keep my sanity and my waning patience. Another thought could be that my once-proud driving skills are now questionable... I have yet to even get in an accident in a LONG time and I sincerely believe that I've been a safe driver for these past number of years. And now this? Gee, right now my mind is so fixated with my having received this ticket... it'll cost me the little money I have and precious time to go to court and/or go to traffic school. It's anybody's wonder that I haven't gone postal or mad.

I know things could be worse and that I should feel blessed that nothing horrible happened but all I'm feeling now is the receiving end of a cow's ass.

I'm now really at a loss of words... I guess the only thing I can think of is how Father George Bernard Wong could endure the 25 years of imprisonment in China for his religious beliefs and feel no bitterness towards the officials that have done that to him (gee, this is a tangent...). His patience and true... I dunno, forgiveness? Or lack of anger? Whatever it may be, I'm going to try to think of how to keep calm and wonder what God's trying to say.

In any case, if you can, please pray for me and all. God knows how crappy I'm feeling during this time especially since I'm trying to find out what I want to do and what kind of work I should be looking for while sending resumes and cover letters to a bunch of places.... *SIGH*............