shtstytwo

Short Stories

Disclosure Statement

The Night I Met Myself

by Gabriel

I stand staring at an invitation to a party that is in my hands. Colorful balloons and confetti decorate the small card. Beautifully written, the words give the time, place and date. Excitement began to flow through my veins at the thought of a party. But fear was also present because the invitation specifically said that I was to come alone. It did not even enter my mind to question this. It was the fear of leaving the safety of my home to attend the party that was the problem. Fear griped me and shook me to my core. Excitement shot through my veins again, what ever will I wear? But the thought of having to leave my home echoed through my mind. Something I could not do. I was too scared of the ‘outside’.
I reluctantly set the invitation down sadly deciding out of fear not to attend. I couldn’t face the idea of leaving my house. I did not know how to calm my fear enough to do this. Why must I come alone, I wondered. I shrugged my shoulders indifferently thinking it didn’t matter anyway cause I am not going.
The invitation lay there on my table. I tried hard not to look or think about it, but it was as if it was calling to me. I looked at it as excitement again began to build; my intense fear of leaving the house presented itself and had overridden the excitement. The battle began, fear…excitement…fear…excitement…fear, but in the end the wonderful feeling of excitement at a party won.
I found myself dressed in a beautiful sleek black dress. My hair and makeup were done to perfection. I seen my black high heel shoes and as if I were Cinderella I slipped my foot into the shoes. My eyes worriedly focused on my front door. To me it appeared as if it had grown into this huge giant monster. I stood terrified waiting for this monster to devour me at any moment. I closed my eyes waiting for the attack. Seconds passed, then minutes, slowly I opened my eyes to find that the monster was gone. Before me was just a door, same as it always has been. Fear is slowly replaced with foreign emotions…strength and then safety filled my senses and every fiber of my being. I felt invincible. I took a deep breath and opened my front door leaving the safety of my home, but not really caring for the first time.
I was so excited about my momentary triumph over fear that I was puzzled and mystified to find myself not on my front porch as I expected, but in a white room decorated in every color of the rainbow. Balloons floated around the room as if by magic and confetti literally rained from the ceiling as if there was a never-ending supply. There were tables placed so perfectly around the room, I could tell someone went to a lot of trouble for this party.
The tables were covered in different colors of tablecloths with beautiful flower arrangements in crystal vases as the centerpieces. There weren’t many people there yet, I thought, as I took in the scene before I was noticed. The soft music that was playing helped my nerves somewhat, but when the door closed behind me causing 12 pairs of curious but yet knowing eyes to focus on me, I began to rethink my decision of coming to this party.
I nervously fidgeted with my purse looking at it thinking that I didn’t even remember picking it up. I started to turn towards the door when I heard a soft gentle voice call my name. I quickly turned around at the familiarity in her voice, but the beautiful woman before me was unrecognizable to me. As she began to make her way towards me, I took in her appearance. She was definitely beautiful. Her deep auburn hair was swept up into a French-twist, which accented the professional mauve suede suit she had worn. There was not one flaw in her appearance. Her deep velvet eyes were warm and inviting as she extended her hand to mine. I couldn’t help but take an instant liking to her. I decided this must be the hostess and made a mental note to thank her for the invitation, and comment on her decorations, then make my hasty exit.
But as I shook her hand and heard her voice again, I felt the safeness of this place even before she reassured me of it.
“Hello, my name is Victoria. I am so delighted that you came. I’d love to introduce you to some friends.” The warmth in her manner and smile completely made me at ease, but still I hesitated as she started to lead me over to where the people were.
With her soft no-nonsense voice, she said, “It is okay. No one will hurt you here. You are safe among us.” She held out her hand indicating the direction I was to go. ‘You are safe here among us’ echoed through my mind. Where have I heard that before? I walked with her as if I had always done so.
I followed her as she approached a big stocky dark haired man sitting at one of the beautifully decorated tables. He had his back to us and was involved in a lively conversation with a pretty little girl. Upon seeing us, the little girl ran in front of the big man. I was very intimidated by the size of this man, but when he turned to face me, I knew from somewhere deep inside that I had nothing to fear…. (Seth was here…Where did that come from?).
The warm smile on his tanned face reached all the way to his hazel-green eyes. He extended his hand in the common gesture of friendship to me. As I placed my hand in his big strong hand, he said “Hi there. They call me Seth around here. I am very honored to meet you.” I felt the strength and protectiveness in his gentle handshake. His casual attitude put me even more at ease. He kindly asked if he could get me something to drink. When I said that I was fine he gave me another warm-hearted smile as Victoria led me to meet some more people.
I wondered why she didn’t introduce me to the little girl, but the thought disappeared as I seen where she was leading me to. The small petite blonde she was leading me to was definitely having the time of her life. She appeared to be the type of person who could have a ball at an insurance seminar. She was dressed in trendy clothes that fit her perfect. She was very pretty, but not to the point where she knew it and showed it.
Victoria was having some difficulty gaining the blonde’s attention and kept looking towards me apologetically. Finally she got her attention and gestured toward me. Obviously this person marched to the beat of her own drum. I couldn’t hear the music she was dancing to, but she sure seemed to like it. When she finally realized what Victoria wanted, her face lit up at seeing me. Her smile was purely genuine. I was momentarily lost in it as she gave me a big warm hug.
“Hi, my name is Julie. It is really awesome to finally meet you!” she said this with such enthusiasm, that her words were lost on me, but I did notice the nudge Victoria gave her as well as the look of caution. Both seemed to have no effect on this feisty young girl. As she continued her fun, she said that she would catch me later.
Still leading me around as if she had done it all her life, she led me to yet another person. He was sitting at a table with some books spread around him. He seemed rather engrossed in one of the books, but when we approached, he looked up and smiled. Standing up, he slowly extended his hand as the others had. His hand was small but warm. He said, “they call me The Wizard, which is just fine with me. It’s nice to meet you”. He tilted his head and smiled and gave a little shrug as if he’d be fine with any name. He shyly smiled, giving me a brown-eyed wink as he sat back down and bent his blond head over his book again.
Victoria led me still in another direction. There were a group of girls standing together in the midst of the colorful room chatting amongst themselves. As we approach, the youngest of the three, hid behind the other two, and carefully watched me from her position of safety behind the other girls.
One of the girls immediately stepped forward and said, “Hello, my name is Dana”. She brushed her strawberry-blonde hair out of her deep green eyes as she continued to say, “I hope you are enjoying our little party. I know with so many names and faces you must be quite overwhelmed”. As I nodded, she gently led me to a chair and sat down beside me. Her eyes were filled with concern as she took my hand into hers, patting it reassuringly. A deep feeling of sympathy and understanding passed from her hand to mine. She just kept smiling and holding my hand. I felt a little better just being near her.
As Victoria and the other two girls approached, Dana leaned over and softly whispered into my ear, “Just keep your mind open and remember you are amongst friends here” then gave me a quick hug.
I looked at her, searching her pretty round face for the reasoning behind what she just said, but she gave nothing away. She kept her eyes on Victoria as she introduced the youngest of the three girls to me. I stood up as Victoria said, “this is Tory.” Timidly, the little girl with jet-black hair and velvet brown eyes said softly “Hello” and then dropped back behind Victoria. Her beauty was etched in my mind. I was still thinking of Tory’s beauty when Victoria introduced me to Megan.
I was shocked beyond words when I seen her. It was like looking into a mirror. Dana’s words echoed through my mind, as I mechanically shook Megan’s hand. I felt like I was on autopilot. “My name is Megan.” She cocked her head to one side as she said, “You alright? You seem like you seen a ghost.” I stammered out that I was fine and was still holding onto her hand as Victoria gently led me to the other side of the room. The balloons were making it impossible for me to see Megan. But her image was stamped on my brain. She looked, talked, and acted just like me, only…different.
As I was finally able to get a hold of myself, I turned to whom Victoria was whispering so intently to. I was again caught off guard, this time not by her sight, but the feeling I was getting from her. The dark haired woman before me seemed distant and distrusting. Her brown eyes were filled with so much pain and anger. As I neared her to shake her hand, I began to feel sick to my stomach. The introduction was over before I knew it. But the feelings she gave me remained.
We were standing before another dark haired woman who shook my hand as if out of duty. Her blue eyes were like ice and just as cold, she seemed to stare a hole straight through me. Resentment and disbelief radiated from her to me. She seemed incredibly annoyed by the whole party. As she walked away, she kept swatting at the colorful balloons and spitting the falling confetti out of her mouth. I watched her stride determinedly over to another table and sit with her arms across her chest. Her eyes dared anyone to come near her.
I looked at Victoria for an explanation, but she smoothly brushed my questioned look aside and led me to the very back of the room. At a table all by herself, sat what appeared to be sandy blonde haired lady. It was hard to tell what she looked like. She was wearing a huge cloak. It was a dark dreary color and really stood out like a sore thumb in the midst of all the colorful decorations. As Victoria introduced us, this lady named The Recluse darted her eyes from side to side as if she expected something to happen. Her hand snaked out from under the huge cloak so fast that I jumped. She said nothing just shook my hand and nodded when I said hello. Then she disappeared again into her huge dreary cloak.
I was then led to another table were a very pretty red head sat. She reminded me of Victoria, but when I was introduced to her I seen that although she may look like Victoria, she certainly didn’t act like her. She seemed very irritated and mad that we had interrupted her. When I said hello to her, green eyes flashed with annoyance and she got up from the table mumbling something about ingrates and some other things I couldn’t catch. I asked Victoria what she had said, but again as if protecting me, she smoothly and very politely brushed aside my question and began to search the room.
When she found what she was looking for her eyes lit up and she said to herself, “Exactly where I thought you’d be” and then to me, “Come on, just one more to meet.” I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, but yet like I belonged in someway to this diverse group of people.
As we approached Seth again, I smiled in return to his warm smile and then I noticed the pretty little girl again. She seemed about 4 years old and was peeking cautiously back at me from behind Seth’s leg. The little brown eyed, brown haired girl looked and felt so familiar to me, but I couldn’t place her. She was adorable, but seemed wise beyond her years.
Victoria smiled as she said, “this is our pride and joy, Nikki.” She beamed like a proud mother as Nikki stepped bravely out from behind the safety of Seth’s leg. She stood in front of me and neatly folded her hands in front of her as she said hello. I noticed how Nikki was looking at me as if she knew something that I didn’t. The more I thought about it, they all seemed to have done that.
I slowly looked around myself again and was surprised to see that all of them had gathered in a circle about me. The balloons, confetti, and music began to fade. As the faces around me began to fade, I blinked my eyes and looked again. Everything was gone. I was stunned to find myself back in my house sitting on my couch. I looked down at myself expecting to see the black dress, but discovered I was once again in my sweats. I shook my head as if trying to clear it and laughed at myself for having such a weird vivid dream. Boy, I thought, you really need to get a grip.
But from deep inside my mind I heard the child’s voice, the same one from the party. The nearer she came to me, the more I could feel her. I felt her pain, humiliation, helplessness, shame, and fears. I learned of her long kept secrets and felt such pain for this little girl. Then one by one, all the people I had meet at my supposed dream party began to come near me.
Dana’s words from my dream echoed through my thoughts. Each one of them told me of their thoughts, fears, and long kept secrets. I felt such incredible pain and hurt for these people. I thought to myself, how awful for them to have gone through all that with no one to help them. Some of them believed it was all their fault, others didn’t believe it at all.
I felt and seen everything they told me to the bottom of my heart and soul. I was completely numb after they had stopped telling me their stories. The numbness began to settle letting their stories sink in. I slowly began to realize what had happened. I couldn’t believe it. No, I kept shaking my head. This is not happening. This must still be a dream. I pinched myself…I was awake.
I was stunned and speechless. I did not want to think. I remembered what they had told me…their stories…the pain, disbelief, hurt, and hate. I thought of how familiar they all seemed to me. How I let Victoria led me around the party and would turn to her for questions and reassurances as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I began to fight what I had been shown and told with every part of my own being. Those things they said, their memories, their feelings…they couldn’t be mine too, could they? The numbness gave way to extreme denial passing to intense pain, shame, hurt, and betrayal. Eventually my fighting gave way to the feeling of familiarity of those I had met and the safety I felt when I was among them. Dana’s words once again echoed through my mind. I realized finally what had happened, I had just met myself and those behind the scene.
This realization gave way to acceptance. As this feeling swept throughout my entire body, one tiny little voice could be heard. The words she spoke transcended the imaginary line from my mind to my heart to my soul and back to my mind. Ever so softly, that tiny voice said, "Now you know".
As those softly spoken words seeped into my being, so did all the others, who finally introduced themselves to me as The Gang. I felt their presence all around me and felt safe and protected. It was only when I gave up and accepted them and I laid my head down on the pillow, that I spied the black high heel shoes placed neatly by the front door.
7-02-01