If you were depending ("hanging") on what I --or anybody-- writes to provide magic to change you, you missed something. Anyway, I hope that many people will read it a second time; and it's often a good idea to skim thru a (non-fiction) book before and after you really read it.

I don't pretend to offer a program that will "cure" everybody --or anybody; just a few (*free*) insights and helpful ideas. This is basically a simple exercise of rephrasing, and its relationships to other ideas. A few suggestions. And after reading all this, do you really feel like you want me to tell you what to do, who to be? Or, will you let a pseudo-rebellion force you to do the opposite? Being decisive and autonomous just because someone tells you to is a double-bind; a contradiction in terms.

If you agree with all I've said, I've probably failed in my purpose. Nothing I've said is absolutely true. I'm doubtless going to change my views on some things that I've written. Nobody's set of explanatory images are true; Freud's "Id, Ego, Superego" do not exist. Even the atom does not exist as particles in discrete places, as shown in diagrams; its particles, and therefore it, has a "tendency to exist". (Capra; "The Tao of Physics")

You, too, have a "tendency to exist". Your physical existence is automatic, but your identity is not; it takes some awareness. Awareness gives direction, openness encourages communication, communication gives security, vunerability is power, and flexibility is strength --all of which is growth.

There are books available that list growth exercises, but I want to throw in one of my own that I haven't seen elsewhere. It'll work for one or two people. If you've a devoted mate, get knee-to-knee (or tantric), eye-in-eye. When you feel like it, try saying --not "I love you", but, "You love me"! It's said in a matter-of-fact tone; and has no doubt within it.

S/he returns the comment when, in good time, it feels right to them. The feelings this brings up --while avoiding thought-- can be informative. It can strengthen the relationship, or bring out something you can fix. It will tend to be a rite of passage into a new, deeper phase of the relationship.

OK, you're sayin', how can I do that alone?! First, let's change the pronoun; now we have "I love me". I hope you can accept that simple self-love is a healthy idea, but with current connotations of "love", it could seem narcissistic. So with "respect" (the greater part of love), we have "I respect myself." You may prefer my favorite, "I deserve respect." You have my permission to say it many times! (I even hope that you reject my permission!)

Design your own line, too. You might "sneak up on it" by, for example, saying "you" (while you hold the connotation of "I") as if in a mirror.

You are not the same person you were when you started to read this. (I know I'm not) Obviously then, you are not required to behave or feel the same way as who-you-usta-be; and that change will cause other changes, too. Anything changes everything. It will cause as big a life-change for you as you want it to, no more and, I hope, no less. After any big life-change, take an inventory: "Who am I now."

It might be said that we'll never know who we are now; only who we have been till recently. As was once said on M*A*S*H, "The way to get your feet on the ground is to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!"

May we all understand a tenth of what we know.