Which came first: the Anxiety or the Depression?

This question rings of a similar one that many of us know so well. A question that many of us have thought about when filled with too much time to spare. The question I’m talking about is, Which came first: the chicken or the egg? To even suggest that there are similarities is to imply that I to have far too much time on my hands.

However, the reasoning behind my pondering of such a question arose from being diagnosed with both, just over a year ago. In that time, I have struggled with trying to resolve the question of which came first and how best to help myself in the process. I figure, by answering these questions, I can then move forward, towards becoming that person that I know I can be. Bellow, is a brief discussion on what I’ve come to know and realize since my diagnosis.

I’ve learned that with time, memories tend to become blurred, even distorted. That is not to say that what I remember is entirely wrong. Just that, things may not appear to be truly what they are in the recesses of my mind. That maybe trying to figure out what came first is less important then knowing how to best move forward with both ailments. Instead, the past should be used as a reminder of where I’ve been and a lesson for the future, through making conscious decisions in the present. By reviewing past events, and not living in them I can better ensure that the future does not become a mirror of the past for all time. If I focus on the living present, the question of whether depression created anxiety or vise versa no longer carries meaning. Instead, I accept it as what was and certainly not what will be or should be. That even trying to determine which has more weight over the other becomes less important as well. For if I choose to say to myself that both are with me and each is mutually exclusive of the other then I in fact divide both into individual parts. This division of parts can therefore weaken what was once seen as the whole. Since, some would say that the whole is only as strong as the parts that make it up. So by separating each into distinct parts, these parts them become much easier to conquer over time. A period of time that should be shorter then if both had been addressed as a whole.

Another advantage to the divide and conquer approach is that less energy is required for each. The point of attack can be chosen based on personal desire. If I wish to focus on anxiety, then that is what I do. With full knowledge that the depression is there, but less powerful then before, because it has no way to feed off the anxiety. Compare this to a fire. If a fire has no fuel then it can not survive and if depression needs anxiety or anxiety needs depression and both are separated. Than either will burn for a while, but over time the fuel (depending on which is feeding which) they once had will become consumed and eventually that fire will burn itself out. However, I must be diligent, since a fire can smolder and relight if not watched carefully.

Another advantage to the divide and conquer approach, is that the separation also allows me to feel far less overwhelmed by either condition. By perceptually seeing two smaller mounds than one larger mound. I become more inclined to follow through on each. What I’ve done, is to create something that is far more psychologically appealing to me. After all, if you had to go into battle against someone. Would you not prefer that that person be of equal or lesser size to you, to someone of greater statue? I know which one I’m going to take.

Having said about all that I can say on this matter I’m left with the feeling that the question of, “Which came first: Depression or Anxiety?” is best left to those who need something to think about. If for some reason it turns out that knowing what came first is important. Then I will deal with it when that time comes. Until then I’ll try to stay focused on the present , with the past being a lesson from which to learn and the future being what ever I choose it to be through present living. It certainly will not be anything like the past was if I have anything to say about it all. Since I’m trying to live in the present.