Hope

I am an empty vessel
Slowly being filled with love.
Love from my family
Concerned for my safety.
Love from my friends
Who have confidence in me.
Even love from the cat
Who understands I need him.
The love I used to have for myself...
There is a glimmer of it in the darkness.
As I wait for the glimmer to grow
My energy reserves slowly come back.
I am still in pain
But there is now hope.
Hope that my loved one now understands
To what extent I've gone for him.
To try to make him believe
That the loss of his belief and trust and love
Was just too much to take.
I let myself give up the battle
But this War will always go on.
Seemingly forever, but there has to be an end
A holding action
A coping skill yet to be learned, or perhaps forgotten.
Try to relax, and let it come back to me
Let my overwhelmed mind rest a little while
A reprieve for a few days.
The ray of hope grows stronger
The words of encouragement sink in.
I have the strength
Even though I feel weak as a new born babe.
I was born with a strength to survive
The animalistic will to survive
At all costs...
Even at the cost of a foot in a trap.
If I should lose a piece of me in this fight
Let it be the negative thoughts I speak to myself.
Let the strength I gain
Be the true self -- a positive, independent thinker.
Someone who can love herself
And hence be loved by those around her.