Only If You Wish

Raistlin was up in his laboratory, once again attempting to create life. He still wasn’t able to figure out the exact spell components that he needed. "Dalamar, can you get me some bat guano. Perhaps that’s what I need…maybe rose petals."

"Here you are, shalafi."

Dalamar handed his master what he asked for. The elf shivered a little when Raistlin’s hand brushed his. He shook his head and went to the other side of the room. What was that? He looked over at the gold-skinned man, he didn’t seem to be phased by what happened. I hope that he didn’t notice. Raistlin looked over at him and smiled slightly, then went back to work.

Dalamar looked at the floor. Did he just do that? Or was that in my imagination? Is he playing with me? "Dalamar, can you come here for a second? I need you to help me with something."

Help? He’s never wanted me to help him before. "Yes, shalafi. What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to hold this for me."

Raistlin handed his apprentice a small black rose. He then reached behind Dalamar to get a jar. In doing so, he pressed his body against the elf’s. Dalamar had expected him to be frail and breakable, but he felt muscles underneath his thin robe. "Do..uh..you need help?"

Raistlin laughed. "No, I’ve got it."

He pulled back with a jar of black sand. "You see, I have theory. Since colored sand is the key component to the sleep spell, I thought that perhaps sand with every color in it would be able to awaken," Dalamar nodded. "Well, it’s just a theory. I still have yet to test it."

"That is why we are here."

Raistlin smiled at him. "Yes, indeed."

He began to whisper some arcane words. Dalamar recognized some parts of it as words from the sleep spell, but they were twisted. The rose in his hand began to wilt and die. Raistlin threw the sand on the symbol he had written on the floor. Suddenly, the symbol began to writhe and twist. The man was still whispering words of magic and something began to come up from the symbol. It wasn’t human by any stretch of the imagination, but it was humanoid. It resembled his other Live Ones in texture and appearance, but in shape, it was human.

Dalamar gasped in amazement. The mage stopped speaking and began to sway. He went to Raistlin and caught him before he fell to the floor. A smile formed on his lips. "Have I done it?"

Dalamar brushed the white hair from his face. "You have gotten so much closer. It’s almost human. So very close."

His eyes closed, and he went unconscious.

* * * *

Raistlin woke up in his room. Dalamar was sitting in a chair next to him with his head on the bed. The mage smiled and pushed the elf’s hair out of his face. Ah, ever loyal, my friend. Raistlin stood up carefully and saw the tea on the table, still steaming. "Always looking out for me, eh, elf?"

He woke up and looked at Raistlin. "Oh, you’re up. I’m glad to see that you woke up."

Raistlin laughed. "What, you feared that I wouldn’t?"

Dalamar blushed a little bit and shook his head. "Well…I…I…" he stumbled. "I was just worried about you. I thought that…well, this might have been too much for you."

"Too much for me? I think not, my friend."

The elf smiled. "Yes, apparently not."

"Well, how did it go? I didn’t get to see what I did before I passed out."

His brow creased. "Well, it was human shaped. Just nothing much else was human about it."

He sighed. "Well, better luck next time. I’m getting closer," he took a sip of his tea. "I need to get back to sleep. I am exhausted."

He looked at Dalamar. "Why don’t you get some real rest as well, now that you know I am okay."

He nodded. "Yes, Raist," he stood up and started to walk away.

"You called me Raist. Why?"

He stopped in his tracks. "Sorry."

"You don’t have to be sorry. It was just strange," he grabbed Dalamar’s hand. "If you wish, you can call me that from now on. I mean, calling me master all the time is kind of odd."

The elf nodded. "But only if you wish."

* * * * *

Dalamar laid in his bed, the words of Raistlin echoing through his head. But only if you wish. He shook his head. He can’t think of me in the same way. I need to concentrate on helping him. He closed his eyes and dreamt sweet dreams of his one true love.

* * * * *

Raistlin was up in the lab attempting to get his mind off of Dalamar. "That boy has been acting so strangely lately. I wonder if something is bothering him,"

Raistlin sighed at himself. "Why do I care? As long as he helps, then he’s fine."

But you do care, Raist. He turned around, but no one was there. "Who’s there?"

You do care about him. More so than even your brother.

He tried to concentrate on his work, but the voice wouldn’t let him. Who are you?

Just a friend. You know that you like him more than you should. Perhaps there is something-

Never! He is an elf, and he is my apprentice. I am not like that. I do not like him in that way, so just shut up!

The voice didn’t come back, and Raistlin continued trying to get the mixture right, but still couldn’t concentrate. "Damn you!"

"Damn who, Raistlin?"

He spun around. "No one. I just can’t get this stupid mixture."

"Ah, let me help," Dalamar walked to him. "I see, you don’t have the right amount of this. I can get it for you."

Raistlin couldn’t help but watch the elf walk away from him. He was so graceful and beautiful. No, stop it. You can’t think of him that way. He is Dalamar, your apprentice, treat him that way.

Dalamar turned back to him with a jar. "Here, add more. You usually have no trouble with this. Is something wrong?"

"No," and he went back to his work.

* * * * *

Dalamar knew that something was wrong with Raistlin, he just couldn’t figure out what it could be. I can’t lie to him anymore, I have to tell him. It’s not fair to me, or to him. He may want to get a new apprentice if he knew about my feelings. I have to tell him.

He sighed heavily and made his way back to the lab.

* * * * *

Raistlin was just sitting in his chair, wondering what to do about Dalamar. Something is wrong. Why do I feel this way?

The elf walked in and he felt his eyes on his back. What do I do? What in the name of the Abyss is going on?

"Shalafi?"

Using the old terms, are we, my dear?

"Raistlin?"

"What is it, Dalamar?" he turned around to face his apprentice.

"Well, I just had to tell you something."

Raistlin cocked his head to one side. "Yes?"

Oh, no! I don’t think that I can go through with this, Dalamar thought. What can I say? How do I put it? "What is it, Dalamar?"

"There’s something that I feel that you have to know, about me."

His eyebrow raised. "What is it, then?" he chuckled. "Are you nervous, or something?"

Dalamar laughed. "Well, yes. It’s just, I don’t know how to put it."

Raistlin stood up and walked to him. He kissed him full on the lips. He jumped back. Is he playing with me? "What was that?"

He laughed, but it was a playful sound instead of the horrible rasping noise the elf was accustomed to. "It was a kiss, I do believe," he frowned. "Now, it has been a while since I have done that, so it could have been wrong."

Dalamar pulled his master to him and kissed him. Raistlin did not pull back. Maybe he has felt the same way about me all this time. Can I truly let myself believe that? With surprising strength he pulled his apprentice closer to him, pushing against his body. Dalamar was going crazy with lust and forced Raistlin to the ground and kissed him until he had no breath left.

* * * * *

The lab was a mess. There were bottles everywhere, components spilt all around them. Dalamar’s robe was torn and he was bleeding from Raistlin’s tearing at him during…during what? What was that? Raistlin was passed out from all the exertion from their wrestling around. He stared at his master turned lover as he finally woke up.

"Why did you do that?"

"I thought that you had feelings for me, and I knew that I had feelings for you, and I saw that you were going to tell me, but couldn’t do it. So, I did it for you," Raistlin said.

"But, how could you be sure? What if I was going to tell you that I couldn’t be your apprentice anymore?"

He laughed, cheerfully. "You wouldn’t be near so nervous about it, and also, I saw how you would stare at me when I would be working here in the lab. I knew it. Or at least, I thought I knew it so well, that I was willing to take the chance." "But, where do we go from here?"

He smiled lovingly at Dalamar. "I don’t know, but we can do it together. Now that we are completely honest about our feelings. We can be together, if you want."

"But only if you wish, Raistlin. Only if you wish."

They embraced once again, and finally, Raistlin had found his one true love.