What On Earth?-Column #12, May 2003

Well, here we are in May. For us schoolers, it's about Graduation and Final Exams, isn't it? Yep. I'm special. I take my finals early, as do most students at Richland, and around the Dallas Community College District. Karen, meanwhile, over at Stanford, does her finals in June.

As you know, the war in Iraq is just about over. I predicted this would be a short war, and it was. 2 MONTHS. WHAT A SMALL NUMBER. Now, we can think about the BIG things, such as finding Saddam before he escapes, and of course, let's not forget, TOTALLY LIBERATING IRAQ. I said it wasn't going to be easy. Nope, it isn't. We have to take this ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Each year, in terms of TV, we hear the phrases "All good things must come to an end," and "Tonight marks the end of an era." Well, in 1998, we said Sayonara to Seinfeld and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman had her final patient come in. In 1999, it was closing up time for Home Improvement, Mad About You, Melrose Place, Another World, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In 2000, Beverly Hills 90210 set sail, as did Boy Meets World, and Martial Law, had Sammo Hung doing his nice moves on his final enemies, as did Nash Bridges. In 2001, we said BON VOYAGE to Star Trek: Voyager, and Walker, Texas Ranger rode off into the sunset, and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood rode away in a nice way. In 2002, Ally McBeal had her final client, Roswell found its final day of eternal life on this planet of Earth, as did THE X-FILES. In April, Touched By An Angel turned one final hopeless life into a final hopeful one. Dawson's Creek and Buffy, The Vampire Slayer have also decided to show themselves the door. I'll have more later.

In February, THE PRICE IS RIGHT, CBS's most acclaimed game show, and the ONLY current network Daytime game show, and the only network daytime game show to run on television, did 3 MILLION DOLLAR SPECTACULARS. Whoever spun $1 on the big wheel in the bonus spin would win a million. It didn't happen. This month, they will try it again, with 3 more shows, ALL scheduled for Saturday. This is the first time they'll air them on the weekend. On the Daytime shows, $1 netted you $10,000. On the 2002 primetime shows, $1 netted you $100,000. But when you have the MILLION DOLLAR SPECTACULARS, $1 could make you a MILLIONAIRE!

Now, if you've been following along with me on my familiarity with the A-Teens, well, you've just about or have currently experienced a history-making moment: After memorizing the lyrics to SLAMMIN' KINDA LOVE, ALL MY LOVE, and MORNING LIGHT, I FINALLY memorized all the songs on the group's sophomore album TEEN SPIRIT. This is my favorite album of all time. And, by now, you fans know this was the FIRST album that featured ALL original material, and by far, it was the album that increased their popularity. Just like N'Sync was famous for BYE BYE BYE, and the Backstreet Boys were popular for I WANT IT THAT WAY, the A-Teens were popular for UPSIDE DOWN, the first song on TEEN SPIRIT.

This month is Mother's Day month, which, by far is one of the popular holidays in May. From flowers to money, you've got everything that mom likes. At the final week in May, it's MEMORIAL DAY. There's a LOT to remember about this country, from those who died in Afghanistan to those who died in Iraq. Again, we're done with the WAR part of rebuilding Iraq. We're now in the NEW GOVERNMENT stages.

Now, many of you are thinking, "John, how are you liking life at 20?" Well, I'll tell you, IT'S A BLAST. I feel happy about it. I'm even happier to not have the so-called SARS virus, which has been making the headlines lately, killing over 100 million people. Hmmm. Is there a cure to the disease? Now, it's time for....

SPORTS HEADLINES with JOHN LEE. In the GOLF world, the Byron Nelson Classic will NOT feature Tiger Woods for the first time since 1996, and neither will the Colonial. However, Annika Sorenstam, the far most popular player in the LPGA, will make her debut playing against the guys. I find that competitive, but not TOO competitive. Babe Zacharias was the last woman to play in a PGA event against the guys, Sorenstam is the latest. So, what does that mean? GUYS, WATCH OUT. SORENSTAM HAS COME TO TEXAS, AND SHE'S READY TO KICK SOME BUTT!

In the BASEBALL world, well, if you're a fan of the Texas Rangers, well, Rafael Palmeiro has hit 500 home runs, and has joined an elite club of those who have done just that. So, that raises a potential question: WHO'S NEXT?

In the HOCKEY world, the DALLAS STARS have just been eliminated from the remainder of the playoff, after being knocked off by the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. All I have to say is: BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR.

In the BASKETBALL world, the NBA playoffs are in full swing, and the Dallas Mavericks are in an ALL-TEXAS shootout with the San Antonio Spurs, after knocking out the Portland Trailblazers in round 1, and the Sacramento Kings in round 2, so, look out! It's a shootout in the LONE STAR STATE!

In the FOOTBALL world, the Dallas Cowboys are in mini-camps set up by new head coatch BILL PARCELLS. The question is: WITH THE TRIPLETS GONE, HOW WILL THE 'BOYS GET BACK TO THEIR SUPER BOWL STATUS THAT THEY'VE GONE WITHOUT FOR 6 YEARS IN A ROW?

It's now time for ENTERTAINMENT news. If you've been following up with American Idol, well, it's down to 2: CLAY AIKEN and RUBEN STUDDARD. Really, I could care less who wins this one, because last year's winner, Kelly Clarkson, is from Texas, and that's not too bad.

Secondly, Jenna, a supermodel, is the winner of SURVIVOR: THE AMAZON. She's the second female winner on the series, and eventually, it started with the women going against the men, but eventually, the two genders were merged on each tribe almost a quarter way into the series.

Now, it's time to focus on the GAME SHOW world. GSN is picking up some more episodes of PYL, now that they've aired the Larsen episodes at last. The following may not be too familiar to you or if your memory's starting to slip: In the final season, before each round, you got to learn about one of the prizes on the board BEFORE the round begins, and the prizes described are trips. These are some of the popular prizes hit, although, of course, the most expensive prizes have to be the TENT TRAILER and the CAR. As for Whammy, if you've been watching, some players have managed to hit both halves of the Suzuki key, and some episodes have featured one player hit one half, and another hit the second. So far, it HASN'T been won. YET. I'm so happy they chose this over the GEM CAR, because A. no one hit the CAR space in the second round, and B. no one won that stupid car. So, with the SUZUKI and the BIG BANK features, it's really starting to give me a good feeling. Why, you ask? Well, with the BIG BANK, ANYONE CAN WIN THE CAR, provided the car key halves are in there.

Second, I know this may come as a shock: But after the primetime version of Weakest Link left the air due to the overwhelmingly notorious celeb versions, a la Millionaire, the syndicated version is ending its run in July. And here's the REAL shocker: SOME STATIONS AIRED THE SHOW AS LATE AS MIDNIGHT. And I find that a shocker, unless you're a person who can afford to start your day at 4 am and end it at 1 pm.

Last, but not least: In February, we saw Kevin Smith become the first top prize on the Syndicated Millionaire. Now after watching 10 MEN do that, we see our first WOMAN accomplish that feat, duplicating that of Judith Keppel on the UK version. This woman is Nancy Christy, a middle school teacher from Tulsa, OK. She won by saying that the dentist was used as a model in the American Gothic painting. Before this feat, on the primetime version, the most money ever won by a woman was $500,000. This was accomplished by such players as Stephanie Girardi, Pat Thompson, and Mary Burke.

Well, that's it for now. This is John Lee saying, "If you would like to see Annika Sorenstam lose in the Colonial, FORGET IT!"* "Go HOME!"

*The following quote was a spoof of the quote used on the finale of another Peter Tomarken game show called "Hit Man." Rod Roddy, who currently announces on "The Price Is Right," announced on "Press Your Luck," as well as "Hit Man," and subbed during "Game Show Week" on Hollywood Squares. On the HIT MAN series finale, instead of the usual ticket/contestant plug, he said: "If you would like to be a contestant on HIT MAN, FORGET IT!"