What On Earth?-Column #15, August 2003

Well, here we are in August. It's the time when every kid in town has to get ready for school again, and at times, it can be hectic, and often expensive. So, here in Texas, for the 4th year in a row, the first week has Tax-Free Weekend. That means most of the stuff we buy, we don't have to pay the tax. Pretty neat, huh?

And, unfortunately, for some kids, they also have to deal with the so-called dress codes involving Standardized Dress and Uniforms. That's ONE of the things I hate about School Districts. They think they can see less fights between kids, due to one kid hating the other's clothing. I really don't think that idea can solve the problem. If I were the superintendent, I'd ask ALL schools to HALT that kind of dress code NOW. Why? Because, everyone will look the SAME, because they have the SAME CLOTHING. And I do NOT like that. And if I were the BIG MOUTH of Politics or WORKING of the Big Mouth, as in working in DC, I'd make a constitutional amendment that BANS dress codes like these in schools, and I PROMISE YOU, if I were the President, I'd make sure that it gets approved. If it's one that allows Uniforms, I'd VETO IT, and make sure NO ONE, NOT EVEN CONGRESS, OVERRIDES THAT VETO. I do NOT approve of uniforms, and I NEVER WILL, AND I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU WILL, EITHER. Now, on a lighter note...

Bob Hope, born Leslie Townes Hope in Kent, England, died on July 27 at the age of 100, just ALMOST TWO months to the day he celebrated that historic moment. Many of us remember him for his humor, and his "Road" Movies with Bing Crosby, and the best thing I'll remember him for is "Pat-A-Cake! Pat-A-Cake! Baker's Man! Bake me a cake as fast as you can!" (The two throw a punch after that.) He also hosted the Oscars a record 18 times. No one can beat that record. But we'll all remember him for his humor, whether he's on the small screen (TV), or the big screen (Movies). He was also famous for his theme song, "Thanks For The Memories." Well, Thanks For The Memories, Bob. You will TRULY be missed. Now, for more news...

Well, if you can believe it OR NOT, we've taken care of Saddam's sons, Uday and Qusay, in a firefight. These, if you translate them from the Iraq's Most Wanted deck of cards, which have been SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES AT DIRT-CHEAP PRICES, equal the Aces of Hearts and Clubs. Now, all we have to do now is take out the Ace Of Spades, SADDAM HUSSEIN HIMSELF! Speaking of those card decks, I recently got to see those. I really like them.

Believe it or not, also, that we've been getting the BIGGEST of the Heat Waves that continue to taunt our nation. In 2000, the record high temperature was 126 degrees in Death Valley, California. Good thing I went to LA in 2001, otherwise, I'd been DEAD! It's a good thing I'm here.

Now, let's focus on the world of SPORTS. Let's start with BASKETBALL. This Kobe Bryant case is starting to nerve-wreck me each time I hear about it. I don't know what's going on, but we have yet to hear from anyone who witnessed it. Hmm. Also, when the new season starts, for the first time ever, the Dallas Mavericks will join some other teams in playing on Christmas Day. WHAT A GOOD GIFT FOR ME! WOW! I'LL BE HO-HO-HO-ING MY WAY TO THE BANK IF THEY WIN!

Next stop, BASEBALL. With the All-Star Game behind them, the MLB now knows that the American League will get home advantage in the World Series. If only they can avert a strike, like they did last year. However, the only thing successful about this sport, is about the players who can hit 500 HOME RUNS OR MORE IN THEIR CAREER. And, with names such as Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa on the list, I can hardly wait for 600 home runs.

Last, but not least, FOOTBALL. Training camp is underway for all the teams, and most of them are trying to beat the heat like we are. As you will recall, Korey Stringer, a running back for the Minnesota Vikings died as a result of the heat. So, the coaches are doing everything they can to make sure nothing like that ever happens again. And SOME coaches are ALSO making sure that they can get good enough players for a winning season or two. For the Cowboys, that means we've gotten some fresh faces to replace the veterans that have left. So far, Coach Bill Parcells is liking the way he handles this team, and is also liking their performances, too. That's what we want. We want a GOOD COACH and GOOD PLAYERS, and that makes a WINNING COMBINATION. They need to know enough about the game of FOOTBALL in order to win. That's the reasoning behind the firings of coaches Chan Gailey and Dave Campo. As owner Jerry Jones pointed out in why he fired Gailey, "The decision I had to make was about FOOTBALL. Not about egos or friendships gone awry." The latter decision was why he fired Johnson. Barry Switzer, the team's 3rd head coach, like Johnson, was rewarded with a Super Bowl ring, but after a dissapointing 3rd season with a 6-10 record, Switzer thought it was best in his interests, that he resign, which he did. Tom Landry, like Johnson, won 2 Super Bowl rings. So, will, Bill "THE BIG TUNA" Parcells do what these counterparts did, when he coached with the New York Giants, New York Jets, and New England Patriots? Only time will tell.

Now, it's time to focus on the game show world again. Last month, the 1985 PYL shows continued, with talk show host-to-be Jennie Jones playing. She won almost $20,000 worth of cash and prizes during her 3 days on the show. One time, she hit PICK A CORNER, and was surprised that one of her choices was the WHAMMY, and she said, "Yeah, you'd have to pay me personally to pick the whammy!" She didn't, needless to say.

Also, Whammy did its first annual Tournament Of Losers, as well as its first Tournament Of Champions. The winner of this one would win a new Suzuki to go along with the other loot he or she won, and this car was won automatically, unlike the regular shows. I have to admit, this was a heck of a game. I loved it to the very end.

If you are a big JEOPARDY! fan, and I am certainly one, you might want to listen to this big announcement: For the past 19 seasons, you could be an undefeated champ for 5 days. But, here's the big surprise for Season 20: THAT RULE IS HISTORY! That's right, you can continue being champ, PROVIDED YOU KEEP WINNING. And, the money totals from those champs determine who will be in the Tournament Of Champions, and now, that prize has gone from its $100,000 roots, to $1 million in 2002, and $250,000 in 2003. That $250,000 is the same prize awarded to Bruce Seymour on the 13-week SUPER JEOPARDY!, which was shown back to back with Monopoly, Saturday nights on ABC. The Teen Tournament and College Championship prizes have gone up to, from $25,000 to $50,000.

Meanwhile, its sister show, "Wheel Of Fortune," is getting a facelift of its own. The set is getting a facelift, if that's the big surprise. They're going to keep that $100,000 mini-wheel bonus round. I loved it. After seeing it 2 or 3 times during its inaugural season of 2001-2002, I loved it. There's no better way to win a bonus prize than with that format. They are also going to keep its new MYSTERY ROUND format in Round 3, which began last season. For those unaware of this, it's simple: You land on one of 2 Mystery Wedges that have a question mark in a blue circle on top, and $500 under it. That means, if you pick a letter that IS in the puzzle, you can take $500 per letter, OR risk that AND whatever else you have, to pick it up and look under there. Now, one of the wedges is a Bankrupt, and we all know what that does, and the other contains a car, and is won the same way as other prizes. Once a Mystery Wedge is picked up, the OTHER one is out of play, and just becomes a normal $500 space. Other than that, everything else is the same.

Now, if you're a "Hollywood Squares" fan, you MAY NOT like the news I'm about to deliver. Next season, which COULD be its final season, the front game is changed. They're now going to do the Best 2 out of 3 format that we've seen on other game shows such as Hot Potato, Blockbusters, Card Sharks, and Classic Concentration. Not very many people are into that, because they think the front games will go by so fast. We all know how the show began, using the growing money amounts for each game after the first, and always awarding money for leftover squares when time ran out. And the bonus round is also changing, and it's the order of bonus prizes that isn't going to make many people happy. We all know the first bonus prize is a car, the second is a safe filled with $25,000 in cash, and third is a treasure trunk filled with a trip worth over $33,000. Now, it's the cash first, the trip second, etc. Hmm. You wonder how this new bonus round, which began in 2002, worked. You have 30 seconds to call on celebrities, and listen to statements read by Tom concerning them. THOSE are the QUESTIONS in this round. If you agree or disagree, you won the square, and the change to take one of 8 BAD KEYS away. The more bad keys you take away, the better your chance to find the ULTIMATE key that'll win you the prize. If you don't win, you come back, and you start with one less key than the last. If you WIN, though, you go for the next bonus prize, with NO extra keys removed, even if you won the car your VERY FIRST DAY.

Now, I WILL admit however, I liked the 2002-2003 season, because during the week of December 9, it was Game Show Week, featuring the original master of the Hollywood Squares, Peter Marshall, as the Center Square. On the 12th, Tom Bergeron, the current host, thought that it'd be "a wasted opportunity if we let him sit cozily in the Center Square," so, just for THAT day only, he and Tom switched places. Tom was the Center Square, and for the FIRST time ever since his version left in 1981, Peter was the host, and he even explained the rules like he did back in the old days, but with a twist: "Object of the players is to get three stars in a row, either across, up and down, or diagonally. It's up to them to figure out if a star's giving a correct answer or making one up, that's how they get the square. A game is worth a..a..THOUSAND DOLLARS?!" EVERYONE just started laughing about that, as he continued saying, "My, times have changed!" Yes, they have, Peter. And, during the break, during the "Behind The Squares" segments, we got to see Bob Barker in action. He met Tom and talked about Bob's friend Peter Marshall. Bob then asked, "Well, who's hosting it now?" Easy for you to say, Bob.

Well, last but not least, we are ALMOST a month from Season 32 of The Price Is Right. As you know, at the start of Season 31, they decided to take some of the elements of the 2002 primetime shows and incorporate them into the daytime version. For many people, they had to sit through half of the season, dealing with an AWFUL Hollywood mural on the turntable replacing the traditional colors many of us Price fans know. Luckily, during MY Spring Break, that awful mural was gone, bringing back the traditional design, but with new colors. So, this meant the ENTIRE set has gotten LOTS and LOTS and HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of makeovers! I wonder what's next on the MAKEOVER list for this show!

Well, if you can believe it or not, we are ALSO a few months away from a controversial Recall Election in California to replace the Democratic Governor Gray Davis. And, guess who's on the ballot representing the ol' GOP (Republican party): That's right, the TERMINATOR himself, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER! Yep, he said "I'll be back!" in the Terminator movies, and now, if he wins, he'll be saying, the NEW AND IMPROVED California WILL BE BACK, AND IT WILL BE, and we can say HASTA LA VISTA to the old economy, and the NEW ECONOMY will be back, too! I'm the only Democrat in my family, and the only anti-Republican as well, but this is one Republican I'll definitely support.

Next month, well, it's that time again. It's been 2 months since 9-11, and I offer my special tribute next month. Until then, this is John Lee saying, "I'LL BE BACK in my next column. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY! Go HOME!"