Little Billy:
Courtesy of Gabe

LITTLE BILLY ON ...GETTING OLDER

Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on
one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench
across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good
for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"

"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!

LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Billy.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I
like your thinking."

Then little Billy says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is
gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The
third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Billy replied, " The correct answer is 'the one with
the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

LITTLE BILLY ON...MATH:

Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is
2x3?' I said 6," replied Billy. "But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference? " asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says,
" Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody

have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Billy says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Billy, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR:

Little Billy was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he
needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need
to take a piss!!"
Miss Jones replied, "Now, Billy, that is NOT the proper word to
use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a
sentence correctly and I will allow you to go."

Little Billy thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an
eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE BILLY ON ... GRAMMAR:

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word
"beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
Bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then,
she reluctantly called on little Billy.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just
fucking beautiful!"