My
Marriage
Brought to you by:
Emily
In my future marriage I will accompany _______
to Antarctica. It will be very cold but I will be in a pink suit wearing long
underwhere to keep warm. Kira wants to be the wedding planner so I let her. She
put up lilies everywhere but they froze very quickly. The guests will also freeze,
so they will sit still and not disrupt the ceremony.
The service will begin and my bride will walk down the glacial pass. We will exchange
vows and rings in front of the priest and our guests. The entire ceremony is peaceful
except for the first pew filled with frat boys that hoot and make catcalls. We
will shrug and suppose that they either lost their way home after a wild party
or they came for the free booze. I will assume that they are from my wife’s
side of the family, as I have never seen them before in my life. Then I will kiss
the bride, and we will be frozen together. Damn. ;) What a great way to begin
our honeymoon.
During our honeymoon, my wife and I will travel to the Amazon rain forest, where
we will be abducted by a cannibalistic native tribe. Once they found out that
we were on our honeymoon, they decided that we would not do for a human sacrifice.
Apparently, the native tribes in the jungle cannot eat vegetarians because they
are bad for digestion. So my wife and I will leave the jungle and after we wash
the mud out of her hair,
we will heat things up a bit.
NO! NOT LIKE THAT! We are traveling to the Sahara desert! Geez…
Once we arrive to the Sahara desert, we will bury ourselves in the sand to keep
cool. What a way to spend our honeymoon, buried and sand. We had fun, anyway.
My wife confesses that she married me because my appearance reminds her of her
favorite desert reptile. I will think that’s a bit odd, but it does not
matter…I love her not matter what, and will be a lizard if that pleases
her.
The next morning I awake and realize that the entire wedding
was a dream, an unconscience fantasy if you will. I turn over and realize that
WAIT! I am one of those crazy frat boys! What a party, dude! It was HARDCORE!
But…what about the girl? Who was the girl?? Where will I find that girl
again??
10 years later:
Nathaniel is married to a Vegas showgirl and lives happily in a hotel with a
bellhop dressed as Elvis. His mother-in-law lives in the room next door. Actually,
his wife and her mother drive him crazy. His only solace is found in his cat,
Gato. He is a Spanish professor, but he works part-time as a make-shift priest
at the Quickie Wedding Chapel down the street. He wears a toupee and now wishes
that he had grown out his hair when he had the chance instead of keeping its
length at 1/8 of an inch at all times. He also wished he had learned to boogie.
But that’s another story…..