Only in America
1. Only in America..... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America..... are there handicap parking places in frount of a skating rink.
3. Only in America..... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the frount.
4. Only in America..... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America..... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America..... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the dirveway and put our useless junk in the garage
7. Only in America..... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we dont miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America..... do we buy hotdogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. (this one always bugged me!)
9. Only in America..... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creeatures'
10. Only in America.... do they have drive-up ATM macnines with Braille lettering (remember anything kim?)
Ever wonder~~~~
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "physic wins lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such as a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98 (and other OS versions), you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juce mede with artifical flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and imporved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those 2 mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why dont sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, there are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time i have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ... You could be a winner! no purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "directions: use like regular soap." (and that would be how??)
On some swanson frozen dinners: "serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) :"do not turn upside down." (Well.... DUH, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought???)
On packaging for Rowenta iron: "do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Childrens Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (when could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-Year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness." (and... i'm taking this because??)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to.... what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now somebody out there, help me on this, i'm a bit curious.)
On sunsbury's peanuts: " warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an America Airlines pack of nuts: "instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment doesn't not enable you to fly." (i dont blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hand or genitals." (.. was there a lot of this happining somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at atleast once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuchke)... In other words send it to everyone. We all need oto smile every once and a while.