Scene 2 A
the King of Camelot meets the King of Horselot
Quite the aggressor aren't you? Well done brave lad.
Unfortunately as you already know, you have just about as much skill with
Excalibur as the ill-fated Luke number two with his light saber.
But don't worry - you didn't hurt yourself too much - just a little flesh wound.
Here you are then in Konda's room - Shrine to Wasted Intellect.
Hmmm..the Holy Grail doesn't seem to be here anywhere ... let's see then
one, two, five, four, three, six, seven ... thirty-five, thirty-four...
sixty-six,sixty-seven...ninety-eight,ninety-nine bottles of beer on the floor.
Oh wait.here's one more then - under the bed - an even hundred!!
Ooooh! Oh! What's this then? P--L--a--y--b--
"hooooi Konda!!"
Damn, just when things were getting interesting - an interruption.
an interruption - by a horse?
Yes! A horse!
And the horse at right comes charging into the room!
"Hoooi Konda! Where the bloody hell is my T-shirt man?
Oh umm I'm sorry. I thought you were Konda."
"Oh no that's alright! my fault entirely.
I am King Arthur and I am on a quest for the Holy Grail."
"Oh well, hello. I'm Dinesh but my friends all call me dinky. you can call me Sir Dinky-Someday-
Somewhere-my-form-will-return-and-then-I'll-show-you .
Former opening batsman for the city of Tanjore you know ."
"Really? How wonderful! You know I used to be quite the dashing cricketer
in my heyday. Captain of the local county team."
"Which county was that if you don't mind my asking?"
"Waranywhichwaywecanshire. So tell me
Sir DInky-someday-umm-somewhere-umm-some-whatever
What sort of batting average did you have then?"
"Oh my! I don't like to brag! I only played a couple of matches you see.
My promising career was nipped in the bud by a debilitating accident beyond my control."
(Editor's note : The debilitating accident referred to above has at other times been called
"A dismal lack of a certain something called talent".)
"Oh! Oh! I know exactly what you mean!
My cousin Graham had one of his arms bitten off by that vilest of creatures - a Frenchman!
In the middle of a game too. In a winning position!
Did something like that befall you as well my good man?"
"Oh! Umm! yeah! yeah! yes! umm yes a bit! similar! very similar umm yes!"
"Listen Dinky - if I may call you so. I really like you.
I feel like I can really connect with you."
"Thanks! Thanks a lot! sure you can call me dinky, arthur old pal!"
"Glad to hear. Listen
Do you mind if I ask you sort of a personal question then?"
"Of course not! Sure! Go right on ahead."
"Umm.. why exactly is it that you look like a horse in the picture above?"
"Oh that! I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind arthur."
Well, regardless of Dinky's feelings I am obliged to tell the story as it is.
This is why and how it happened. The following is a transcript
of a recent chat session between Cue and Dinky, or at least the gist of it.
Q: Hey! Dinky bas****!
Dinky: Hey! Q ****ard!
Q: Hey! Dinky ars*****!
Dinky: Hey! Q ****hole!
Q: Hey! Dinky *ocks*****!
Dinky: Hey! Q c******ker!
Right! So we'll skip the preliminaries shall we?
Q: Dinky, do you have a photo of yourself in digital format?
Dinky: You mean as a jpeg or something?
Q: Yeah.
Dinky: What for?
Q: I need it.
Dinky: Tell me what for.Someone wanna see what this guy who put 2400 looks like huh?
Q: Yeah! That's it!We're looking for a suitor for one of my cousins.
Looking to get her married off to the first sucker who comes along.
Hit the nail on the head buddy. So do you have one or not?
Dinky: Unless you tell me what it's for, I'm not giving it to you.
Q: Fine then! I'll just use a picture of one of the horses from
the sports page of today's Hindu.
Dinky:(long pause)
Dinky:(long pause)
Dinky:(another long pause)Which one?
"I hope I didn't offend you. I'm sorry dear Dinky."
"Oh don't be. It's not your fault I look like this.
But listen arthur. will you promise me something?
Promise me that if you ever see that b*****d who did this to me
that you'll kill him instantly with your mighty sword excalibur!"
"Anything for you my dear Dinky."
"Right then!Five minutes to 4 o'clock. Would you like a cup of tea arhtur?"
"Love some. Lead the way."
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