The philosophers of this time find life to be inseparable with our dreams of the night; if they are right in their thinking, in day and night he lives in this nightmare. We spend most of our lives seeking happiness yet for some that search leads only to more sorrow. Someone said long ago, “Hell hath no wrath like a woman’s scorn.” I believe that same individual would agree with the saying, “Even the Devil can not place such a burden on a man’s heart like a woman’s misery.” This is a story through the eyes of one man and woman who have experienced the fall.
Jonas Baldelli was a troubled man prior to meeting Sheila Haddox three months ago. He was under the impression that getting involved romantically with someone would ease his pains...he was wrong. His error was expecting that the attention he would give her and attention received from her would calm his doubts about himself and his future. He was a sweet-talker to the ladies, which proved to be both a blessing and a curse; Sheila was enraptured by his charms and he had found what he thought was a real catch. His fears and doubts never left him, a woman would not be what he needed to find peace of mind.
Sheila was a freshmen from New Jersey who came from a small town. She wanted to experience the typical college lifestyle and taste all of its indulgences. She met Jonas the first week of school through a mutual friend they had both acquired. Though Sheila didn’t intend to, before she knew it she was in a very time-consuming relationship with Jonas. Where her peers were building new relationships with one another she was pouring virtually all her time into Jonas regardless of his attempts to try and see her meet new people. Sheila felt that everything was perfectly fine so long as she was with Jonas.
The shared friend mentioned before ended up playing a vital role in aiding both through the rocky moments of their relationship, her name is Anastasia Popova, a beautiful name for a girl with a beautiful heart and beautiful smile. Anastasia was a very giving person who willingly took the time to talk with Sheila and Jonas one-on-one many a night as things started to fail. Her personal torment was that she wanted to see both of her friends happy but secretly knew that they could not both be happy together.
“Stasi, I’m falling apart,” Jonas expressed that October night.
Anastasia was driving Jonas crazy and replied, “Jonas, can’t you hear yourself? You know what you need to do...”
The weather was particularly foul that night; the winds from outside Anastasia’s vehicle were bullying the nearby trees. Anastasia parked the car and motioned Jonas that they were getting out, they hustled into her apartment.
Jonas threw himself onto the couch and lamented, “I don’t want to hurt her, Stasi...I can’t bear to hurt her.”
Anastasia sighed deeply and said, “If she really cares for you as you care for her, she’ll let you go if it’ll make you happier.”
Anastasia walked into the kitchen to make a kettle of tea. The storm outside could be heard through the fireplace. Jonas was busy sifting through the magazines on the coffee table; it was then that his cell phone rang.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” Anastasia said quietly.
Jonas merely looked at the name displayed on the phone for the first few rings and finally spoke, “Not now, Sheila,” and hit the ‘ignore’ key.
Anastasia walked into the living room and gently put her hand on Jonas’ back and tried to do her best, without words, to console him. He took a deep breath and rested his head in his hands. Anastasia began to softly rub his back as she too sighed out of frustration.
Just as Jonas was reaching a state of repose the phone rang again, “I said not–” the hot water for the tea whistled its completion.
Anastasia got up and took the tea kettle of the stove. Jonas decided to occupy the entire couch and rested a pillow on top of his head.
Anastasia came back in and smiled, “The Chamomile’s done.”
Jonas got up suddenly and grabbed his coat and headed for the front door, “I’m sorry,” he said gruffly.
“Wait! Where are you going? It’s a mess out there!” said Anastasia while setting down the two cups of tea she had just poured.
Jonas held the door handle and replied, “It ends tonight, Stasi...it ends tonight,” and with that he left, not even closing the door.
Anastasia was shocked at this change in him and finally yelled out, “What about the Chamomile?!”
The carols of the university bells could be heard and had a haunting tone due to the violent winds. Jonas was more than a mile from campus but felt the sound and feel of those bells striking nine times was appropriate for his current mood. His cell phone rang once more and this time he answered.
“Hey...” was all he said.
“Jonas, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you, are you alright?” Sheila asked between sobs, she had been crying ever since her second attempt to reach him.
Jonas crossed Marine Street and responded, “Listen, can you meet me at Lennox Park?”
“Is something wrong?” She asked worriedly.
“Just...get here, okay?” And with that Jonas hung up.
Sheila and Anastasia lived fairly close to one another and Lennox Park was the halfway point between the two apartments. The park remained mostly unused ever since Firefly Park opened up two years ago; all that’s left that still works is the two swings, the slide was relocated to Firefly and the merry-go-round had rusted motionless due to neglect of care. Lennox Park had only one bench that looked out on the desolate playground.
It was 9:16pm when she arrived; prior to that, Jonas was the only one in the park. The night had taken hold with the departure of the storm and a cold front had moved in. Sheila had rushed there so frantically that she neglected the temperature and was clearly shivering. Jonas was facing away from her when she entered the park, he was sitting on the bench, her arrival was much sooner than Jonas had expected.
Jonas stood up and took off his coat and put it over her shoulders and said, “Here, this will keep you warm.”
Sheila tried to resist in saying, “No...I can’t, you’re only wearing a T-shirt...you’re going to–”
Jonas interrupted her and said slightly angrily, “I’ll be fine!”
Sheila was startled by his tone of voice and sat down, “So why are we here?”
Jonas turned away from her and looked up in the sky and remained silent. The clouds had begun to part and the stars were peaking through, illuminating their location ever so faintly. Jonas crossed his arms due to the cold and to his resentment of what he was about to do.
“Jonas...what’s wrong?” she asked and reached out for his hand.
He looked down to see his hand in hers and removed the connection between the two with his other hand forcefully, she gasped in disbelief.
“Sheila...I can’t do this anymore,” Jonas said with difficulty.
Sheila put her hands to her face and asked weakly, “What are you trying to say?”
Jonas turned and looked her dead in the eye and said, “I have to break up with you...”
Both were speechless after his words had been delivered. She began to cry and he clenched his fists. Both had no idea what to do next. Jonas felt that there was nothing left to do but to leave and started to walk away. The winds had stopped and it was now a virtually silent night.
Sheila held herself and cried out, “Jonas, wait!”
Jonas halted and dropped his head, “Please, Sheila, just let me go.”
Before he could react she had rushed to him and put her arms around his stomach and sobbed. Jonas initially intended to grab her hands and remove her but ended up holding her there instead, joined in her misery for a moment; his tears began to stream like hers.
“Why...why did you decide this?” Sheila asked through her tears.
Jonas regained his focus and pushed her hands off him slowly and replied, “This is...what’s best for both of us, I’m sorry...”
Sheila grew angry suddenly, “What’s best?! How can you say that?”
Jonas rubbed the back of his neck and sighed deeply, “Listen...this isn’t easy for me to say so please don’t interrupt me. I got into this relationship as a means to try and fix myself. Sheila I’m not good enough for you right now, I never will be. I’m angry at myself for taking up so much of your time, it’s just that you’ve become even more attached and I can’t take it anymore. I thought dating you would ease my past burdens but instead have heightened them over time. I feel guilty now every time I am with you...”
This news was just too much for Sheila and she promptly retaliated, “So...that’s it, huh? You just used me to try and ‘fix yourself’? Thanks a lot...I feel so loved! Do you have any idea how much that hurts to hear?” Jonas...I love you! We can work through this, I’m sure we can...please don’t leave me.”
Jonas became equally agitated, “No, Sheila...I have to go now...”
As he started to walk away she yelled out, “You coward...you always were a coward, you won’t even admit that you still love me! You should see yourself!”
This caught Jonas completely off-guard and he whirled around and yelled back, “What do you see, huh, Sheila?”
“I see those tears in your eyes”
“Yeah...what about them?”
“Those are the tears of a man who still loves me.”
“I cried all those tears away...”
“Then why are you still here?”
Jonas was emotionally exhausted though he knew all along it wouldn’t be easy, he just hadn’t expected it to be nearly this hard. He wished so badly that he could come up with something rational that wouldn’t devastate her but nothing came. Sheila drew closer to him once more, about three steps away.
“So, Jonas...why are you still here?” she said in bitter, heartbroken voice.
Jonas took a deep breath and replied, “I’m trying one last time to find the remnants of the girl I once fell in love with, the sweet and tender girl I met three months ago. All I see before me now is a party-crazed typical run-of-the-mill college girl who thinks that getting wasted is a good time. All I see is a girl who has abused and lost any previous friends she had started to make due to me because of her jealousy. I remember when you were so sweet back then, so giving and open to others, now all you want to do is be with me all the time...you’re lucky Anastasia will even talk to you anymore, that girl has that same heart you once had and still does, how she puts up with you I will never know.”
Sheila had cried through his whole response and now upon the end just stood there. She was so miserable she couldn’t even speak intelligibly. Jonas knew he was done and decided to just go.
“Jonas...please...don’t go,” she said weakly.
“Goodbye, Sheila.”