I'm so sick, so very sick of all this,
Again...again....again I get burned,
You'd think...I'd think...I'd learn,
I never learn, am I supposed to though?
I'm supposed to trust, supposed to wait,
How sad...how very sad,
I'm writing this on the start of Year Three,
I get 2 calls and one's from Dad,
They say I matter, that I make a difference,
Am I making a difference? Is it worth it?
I'm sick of these games, sick of this P.C. language,
Tell me and tell me truly, no more...I tire of the sugar-coating,
On the street if they wanted to hurt me they did,
I knew my place then, I took it for a long time,
Now in this sanctuary I'm shielded but for once I'd like to take a hit,
It reminds me that I'm here, still breathing, still functioning.

Where will I go from here?
When will the waiting end?
I am so impatient! But then, who isn't?
ALL these questions without answers,
No one wants to read this, not even I tomorrow,
Yet it bubbles and it churns and I have to release,
If I bag it and bottle it, no one knows...
But then, I rot and then, they rot.
I feel like a playtoy, I do what the strings tell me to do,
The flesh yearns to break free, run far far away, don't look back,
I ponder these things, just to take off....
But then, I remember my old man, Pops used to do that,
He changed, he's better for it now, but sometimes everyone has to run,
Do I just need to get out of breath? Do I need to push my already weak heart?
I get to that brink...where I don't know what happens next, if I continue or not,
I've been there once? Twice? I'm not sure.

What is my next step?
I want to lash out, I want to scream,
All that comes out is, "I'm struggling",
Well, that's at least true in part but not the whole issue,
My emotions run deep in me, my past haunts me,
Julia...
WHY JULIA?!
Every one of them seems to be my Julia,
Things are looking great and yet they are taken from me,
They don't die but a little part of me does,
Like the bullet that dropped Julia drops me to my knees in sorrow,
I can't even express this to each and every one of them, I can't,
I've sworn not to hurt them, I'll take this in, I'll bear the burden,
Julia...when will I find Julia and save her and myself in turn?
I want to be the hero, to be the rescuer, the victor,
But every time it seems like I just don't stack up to that standard,
What am I lacking? What more can I do?
My Julia, my bombshell latched to my heart,
I look around, I soar and I plummet,
Get up, Get up, Get up, I tell myself,
I'm too weary from getting up from too many falls,
I'm not the same person I was back then...
But still, I feel the old self clawing to the surface,
He knows my limits, am I there?
Am I even close?
The rage grows slowly, I must release, so here's my release,
I need a weapon, I need something more than words,
I need a David, a combatitive soul who shares my inner turmoil,
I need to head west, follow that sunset and say goodbye to this rage,
"The best you can be is the beast they don't want to see"
I've got my claws, my method, all put aside,
I gotta believe, I gotta breathe, I gotta trust,
I watch this all go on around me and do nothing,
Time to change that, time to find my door.

Found the door, the Pilot is back, the weakness is gone,
I come back to my senses, I'm a soldier!
The enemy is merely trying to take me out of this war,
Too bad I smell his deceit in the background,
Almost did something foolish back there, almost.
He's back, he's back in the seat, he's ready to fight,
I'm ready again, I'm alert, awake, and looking for my next mission.