A whole section of Red Dwarf quotes.
The episode name is in quotes after the person's name:


"Let's just pray the crew are rotting in silicon hell along with
 all the photocopiers!"
- Lister, "Rimmerworld"

"We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, 
 June, July and August fool. Yes, that's right! I am Queeg!" 
- Holly, "Queeg"

"Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of 
 vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly." 
- Holly, "Kryten"

"Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super 
 brushes that will clean even the trickiest of seabound mammals. 
 Yes, I am over eighteen, though my IQ isn't." 
- Rimmer, "Better Than Life"

"This isn't a meal. This is an autopsy!" 
- Cat, "Polymorph"

"We have three realistic alternatives: 
 1. Sit here and get blown up. 
 2. Stand here and get blown up. 
 3. Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think 
     of anything, then get blown up." 
- Holly, "Bodyswap"

"I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000, the same 
 IQ as 6000 PE teachers." 
- Holly, "Future Echoes"

"Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!" 
- Kryten, "Camille"

"Oh, screw down my diodes and call me Frank!" 
- Kryten, "Justice"

"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." 
- Ace Rimmer, "Dimension Jump"

"Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas. Whatever." 
- Rimmer, "Stoke Me a Clipper"

Lister: "What, they fixed your core program and then decided 
 they'd be better off without you?" 
Holly: "Yeah, it was shortly after they met me." 
- Lister and Holly, "Nanarchy"

Cat: "I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do."
Rimmer: "You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?"
Cat: "No! I'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew." 
- from "White Hole"

"Starbug was built to last sir. This old baby's crashed more 
 times than a ZX81." 
- Kryten, "Psirens"

"An IQ of 6? Do me a lemon! That's a poor IQ for a glass of water! " 
- Holly, "Queeg"

"We could go back to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the 
 grassy knoll, and shout 'Duck!'" 
- Kryten, "Timeslides"

"Time is a great healer. Unless it's a rash, then you're better 
 off with ointment."
- Holly, "Back in the Red"

Cat: "Forget red - let's go all the way up to brown alert!" 
Kryten: "There's no such thing as a brown alert sir." 
Cat: "You won't be saying that in a minute!" 
- Cat and Kryten, "Back in the Red" Pt 1

"You're really mean with money. You're a tremendous physical 
 coward. You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritans switchboard 
 and four people commited suicide. Your middle name is Judas but 
 you tell everyone that it's Jonathan. You sign all your official 
 letters "Arnold Rimmer BSc" and the BSc stands for "Bronze Swimming 
 Certificate". You're a cheating, weasley, low-life scumbucket 
 with all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse." 
- Lister, talking about Rimmer. "The Inquisitor"