“I am so!” the Mars adept protested. “What about that magnificent meal I made for you and Felix last week?”

         “You mean the roast duck?” replied Isaac, eyebrow raising slightly.

         “Yeah, that!” Garet chirped happily.

         Isaac would have slapped his forehead if he wasn't completely engaged with his temples. “You burned that. Just like you burn everything. It was about five times more roast than duck.”

         Garet grumbled. “That gave it flavour.”

         “Unfortunately, it wasn't a good one,” Isaac teased.

         “Need something to throw, need something to throw...” Garet mumbled to himself, scouring the kitchen desperately for something to chuck at his friend's head. “Ah!”

         “What did you find?” Isaac wondered, loosening his scarf as he watched his best friend's wild scramble.

         His friend pointed at the table, upon which was resting a large, silver spoon. “A tablespoon,” Garet answered, beaming with pride. “That would be perfect to throw at your head, but I think I'll use it to whip up my special Steak Surprise, instead.”

         Isaac suppressed the shudder that was threatening to well up within himself at the memory of the Steak Surprise. “That would be perfect... except that's a teaspoon.”

         Garet blinked. He picked up the spoon and looked at it studiously, turning it at different angles. “No. This is a tablespoon.”

         “The head is too small,” Isaac countered. “That is a teaspoon.”

         Garet grumbled. “No,” he growled. “It came from the table. So, it's a tablespoon.”

         Isaac could have fallen off his chair. “The name isn't derived from where it comes from. The name comes from the size of the head!”

         His friend waved the spoon menacingly at him. “No, it's based on where the spoon is resting!”

         The Venus adept rested his head in his hands. “Okay, okay,” he sighed. “Let's back up.” Garet took a step back, and Isaac growled, “Not literally.”

         Garet just chuckled. “Fine, fine. What did you mean?”

         “You're saying that if the spoon was in, like, a teacup...” Isaac began, trailing off to let Garet answer.

         “Then it would be a teaspoon,” he replied.

         “And if you found the spoon on a table?”

         “A tablespoon,” Garet went on, sounding as though it should be obvious.

         “What if you found it in the sink?” Isaac questioned, a grin on his face to show that he thought he had him cornered.

         “That's a special case,” came the reply. “Then, it's based on where the spoon was put into the sink from. If you threw it in from the table, still a tablespoon. If you threw it in from a teacup, teaspoon.”

         It took a moment for Isaac to speak again, as he was preoccupied with hitting his head against the table. Once his forehead was sufficiently abused, he snapped his fingers. “Okay, okay,” he said confidently, rubbing his head. “What about if you found it on a countertop?”

         Garet blinked, not believing that his friend knew the answer. “A countertopspoon, duh.”

         This time, Isaac's head hitting the table almost put a hole through the wood. “That doesn't even make sense!”

         “It makes perfect sense!” Garet argued. “What's not to understand?!”

         “What if the spoon were on the stove?” Isaac wondered.

         “Stovespoon.”

         “On the stairs?”

         “Stairspoon.”

         “On the roof?” he asked, increasingly incredulous.

         “Roofspoon.”

         “...You know, I've heard you say some pretty stupid things, but...”

         “This makes perfect sense!” Garet argued. What happens if you can't measure a tea or a table accurately?”

         Isaac resisted the urge to pull his hair out. “Wait, wait. Teaspoons and tablespoons don't measure a tea or a table's worth of stuff!”

         “Exactly,” Garet said, clapping with excitement. “That means there's no point to naming them based on size because they don't measure a tea or a table!”

         “How the hell do you measure a table?!” Isaac cried.

         “Tape measure,” shrugged Garet.

         This is approximately when Isaac ran screaming from the house, and Garet shined the spoon and placed it back into the drawer.

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