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>>    An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for
>>    being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a
>>    passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United
>>    flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of
>>    inconvenienced travelers.
>>
>>    Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped
>>    his ticket down on the counter and said, I HAVE to be on this
>>    flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.
>>    The agent replied, ;I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
>>    you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
>>    able to work something out.
>>    The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
>>    passengers behind him could hear,;Do you have any idea who I
>>    am?
>>    Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public
>>    address microphone.;May I have your attention please?; she
>>    began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. ;We have a
>>    passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can
>>    help him find his identity, please come to the gate.
>>    With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
>>    glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore;F___
>>    you!
>>    Without flinching, she smiled and said,;I'm sorry, sir, but
>>    you'll have to stand in line for that, too.
>>
>>
>>    About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into
>>    Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell
>>    during the final descent that the Captain was really having to fight
>>    it, and after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on
>>    the PA and announced, ;Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
>>    Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelt fastened
>>    while the Captain taxis what's left of our MD-80 to the
>>    gate!
>>
>>
>>    Overheard from a young pilotSorry about the rough landing,
>>    folks. I'm practicing for a job at USAir. Next time, I'll try to lose
>>    your luggage.
>>
>>
>>
>>    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
>>    his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
>>    required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
>>    exited, give a smile, and a;Thanks for flying XYZ
>>    airline He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a
>>    hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone
>>    would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except
>>    for this little old lady walking with a cane.
>>    She said, ;Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?
>>  ;Why no Ma'am, what is it?
>>  ;Did we land or were we shot down?
>>
>>
>>    From a Southwest Airlines employee..
>>   ;Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your
>>    seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
>>    works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to
>>    operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
>>    In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
>>    descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
>>    over your face
>>    If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
>>    assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children,
>>    decide now which you love more.
>>     Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
>>    they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
>>    remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
>>    Airlines
>>
>>
>>    United Airlines FA: t;Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now
>>    painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at
>>    United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and
>>    please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be
>>    killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called
>>    touch down.
>>
>>
>>
>>    Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
>>  ;We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
>>    us to the terminal.
>>
>>
>>    I was on a Southwest flight once that was delayed at the gate after
>>    everyone boarded. The flight attendant said over the intercom,
>>    "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally rips the
>>    handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to do it by hand.
>>    We should be finished and on our way shortly