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> >
> >
> >      Noah's Ark . . . .  If it happened today:
> >      And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going
> to
> make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
> evil
> people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of
> every kind of living thing on the planet.  I am commanding you to
> build an
> Ark."  And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the
> specifications for an Ark.
> >      "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the
> blueprints.
> >      "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord.
> "You'd
> better have the Ark completed or learn to tread water for a very long
> time."
> >      Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall.
> The
> Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping . . . and
> there
> was no Ark.
> >      "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"
> >      "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But
> there
> were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark
> construction project and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire
> an
> engineer to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over
> whether or
> not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system."
>      "Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
> building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
> city planning commission."
> >      "Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because
> there
> was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince
> the
> Fish and Wildlife Department that I need the wood to save the Owls.
> But
> they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls."
> >      "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
> anyone would pick up a saw or hammer.  Now we have sixteen carpenters
> going
> on the boat, and still no owls."
> >      "Then, I started gathering up animals and got sued by an animal
> rights group.  They objected to me taking only two of each kind."
> >      "Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I
> couldn't
> complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on
> your
> proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
> jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."
> >      "Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed
> new
> flood plain. I sent them a globe."
> >      "Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the
> Equal
> Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed
> to
> hire."
> >      "The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid
> paying taxes by leaving the country.  And I just got a notice from the
> state about owing them some kind of use tax.  I really don't think I
> can
> finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed. The sky
> began
> to clear.  The sun began to shine.  A rainbow arched
> across the sky.  Noah looked up and smiled.
> >      "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked
> hopefully.
> >      "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."