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>> April, 1998
>>
>> Hi Sue,
>> Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had
a
>bad
>> day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
first
>must
>> bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office
lies
>at
>> the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.It's a wetsuit.
This
>time
>> of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:
>> We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece
of
>> shit
>> sucks the water out of the sea.  It heats it to a delightful temp.
It
>> then
>> pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which  is taped to
the
>> air
>> hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it
several
>> times
>> with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start
>working,
>> is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This
floods my
>> whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything
>was
>> going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.  So, of
course,
>> I
>> scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a  few seconds my
ass
>> started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage
was
>> done.  In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water
machine
>> had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even
worse
>> than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose
down
>my
>> back. I don't have any hair on my  back, so the jellyfish couldn't
get
>> stuck
>> to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what
I
>> thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
ass. I
>> informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His
>> instructions

>> were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were
>> laughing
>> hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed
to
>make
>> 3
>> agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the
>> surface. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
My
>suit
>> and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with
tears
>of
>> laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
me to
>> shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out,
>> but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen
shut. I
>> later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the
suction
>> hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
>> Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me.
>Think
>> about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a
jellyfish
>up
>> your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do,
I
>hope
>> that this incident will make it a little more tolerable.
>> Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
>> Love
>>  .........
>>
>>
>> From
>> Rich