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April 11, 2001 


                 The Top 12 Signs the President
                    is Not Ecology-Minded 


       12.Routinely throws out recyclable paper: environmental impact
          studies, petitions from the Sierra Club, letters from Ed Begley,
          Jr., etc. 

       11.Refuses to pose for the World Wildlife Federation's "Save the
          Chimps" poster. 

       10.Press secretary has to remind him not to make air-quotes
          every time he mentions his administration's "serious
          commitment" to the environment. 

        9.Washes interns' dresses with detergents containing
          phosphates. 

        8.Just declared chlorofluorocarbons a vegetable. 

        7.Insists you *can* counter global warming by releasing large
          clouds of freon into the atmosphere. 

        6.Refuses to sign any emissions control legislation if it involves
          giving condoms to high school students. 

        5.Shot an eagle on the back nine the other day -- and he wasn't
          even playing golf! 

        4.The only recycling in Washington is of previous
          administrations' cabinet members. 

        3.Thinks "ozone" is the place you get to at the end of foreplay. 

        2.New rug in the Oval Office -- 100% panda. 

          and the Number 1 Sign the President is Not Ecology-Minded... 

        1.In all fairness, Air Force One does look bitchin' with dual pipes.

Selected from 141 submissions from 56 contributors. 
Today's Top Five List authors were: 

     Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!) Website 
     Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 2 
     Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 3, Banner Tag Email 
     Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 4 Email / Website 
     Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4 Email / Hall of Famer 
     Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 5, 7 
     Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 6 Hall of Famer 
     Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 8 Hall of Famer 
     Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 9 Email / Website 
     Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 10 
     Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 11 
     Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 12 
     Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic Email 
     Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email 
     Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Honorable Mention list name Email 
     Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- List moderator 
     Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer 
     Green Day, Berkeley, CA -- Ambience   (explanation) 


                    � Copyright 2001 by Chris White
         The Top 5 List *--* top5@gmbweb.com *--* http://www.topfive.com
               To forward or repost, please include this section.
              You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we.


April 13, 2001 


                  ~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~ 

             A couple of days ago, TopFive did a list of
           "Signs the President is Not Ecology-Minded."
         Of course, we received more than a few messages
           from our conservative friends berating us for
         publishing a list which would make fun of the man
           who is the leader of this great nation of ours.

                     How thoughtless of us.
              Let's see if we can make things right...


      The Top 13 Signs the President *is* Ecology-Minded 


       13.Wants to remove millions of barrels of oil from pristine
          Alaskan wildnerness before it can cause any harm there. 

       12.Reduces the number of people exhaling CO2 by allowing more
          arsenic in drinking water. 

       11.Has started a White House recycling program, though it's
          currently limited to previous administration cabinet members. 

       10.Dick Cheney's new pacemaker powered by scalp-mounted
          solar panels. 

        9.Seen "watering" White House lawn during recent barbecue. 

        8.His policies have encouraged the homeless to be more diligent
          about picking up aluminum cans. 

        7.He's burying Bill Clinton's legacy to fertilize the Rose Garden. 

        6.Co-sponsored a California initiative to develop a photovoltaic
          electric chair. 

        5.Conserves brain power by not thinkin' too hard about stuff. 

        4.Dutifully eats any endangered animals his policies kill. 

        3.He heartily endorses the composting and recycling of Senator
          Paul Wellstone (D-MN). 

        2.He opposes the Drug Enforcement Administration's plan to
          destroy agricultural lands in Bolivia and Peru. 

          and the Number 1 Sign the President *is* Ecology-Minded... 

        1.During staff meetings, he doodles on *both* sides of the paper
          before discarding. 

Selected from 99 submissions from 40 contributors. 
Today's Top Five List authors were: 

     Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 1, 5 (3rd #1) Email 
     Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2 
     Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 3 Website 
     Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer 
     Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 6 
     Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer 
     Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 8, 11 Email 
     Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 9 
     John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 10 Email 
     Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 11, 13 Email / Hall of Famer 
     Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 11 
     Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11 Email / Website 
     Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 11 Email / Website 
     David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer 
     Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 12 Email / Website 
     Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 13 
     Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email 
     Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- List moderator, Topic, RU/HM names 
     Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer 
     R.E.M., Athens, GA -- Ambience   (explanation) 


                    � Copyright 2001 by Chris White
         The Top 5 List *--* top5@gmbweb.com *--* http://www.topfive.com
               To forward or repost, please include this section.
              You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we.