>>================================================================ >> >> >>[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] >>[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ] >>[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ] >>[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ] >> >> >> July 27, 1998 >> >> >> The Top 16 Results of Having a Celebrity >> as President of the United States >> >> >> >> >>16> Under President Fleiss's Executive Order No. 107, registered >> voters can screw any member of Congress for just $150. >> >>15> Under President Pee Wee, "pocket veto" takes on an entirely >> new meaning. >> >>14> President Ringo and Yasar Arafat switch places at the Middle >> East Peace Summit, and no one notices. >> >>13> President Carrey's State of the Union address given by a >> talking ass. (Oops! That's no difference!) >> >>12> President Woody Harrelson's agricultural support policies >> produce a side benefit of increased sales of Pink Floyd albums >> and Mallomars. >> >>11> For some reason, Ken Starr doesn't seem to mind that President >> Locklear is sleeping with half the town. >> >>10> Mariah Carey's Stealth Voice Initiative puts more defense >> contractors out of work. >> >> 9> President Jordan honors all the children in Nike's Asian shoe >> factories as "Honorary United States Welfare Recipients." >> >> 8> President Copperfield solves three foreign relations nightmares >> at once by making the West Bank, Northern Ireland and the >> former Yugoslavia disappear into thin air. >> >> 7> In addition to his regular duties, President Marv Albert also >> doubles as the First Lady. >> >> 6> Even the sound of bubble gum popping causes the Secret Service >> to cover President Pam Anderson Lee with their bodies. >> >> 5> Queen Elizabeth wakes up to find President Robert Downey, Jr. >> crashed out on the Royal Couch. >> >> 4> President Travolta merges Scientology's Legal Department with >> the IRS to create the most evil malevolent force the universe >> has ever known. >> >> 3> Although President Puff Daddy's acceptance speech is taken >> entirely from parts of previous acceptance speeches, people >> inexplicably seem to like it. >> >> 2> Only minor changes under President Gomez Addams, but a *whole* >> lot of fun whenever the French Ambassador's wife speaks. >> >> >> and Top5's Number 1 Result of Having a Celebrity as President... >> >> >> 1> Come to think of it, you don't remember an "Anti-" in >> President Sheen's drug program. >> >> >> >>Selected from 85 submissions from 35 contributors. >>Today's Top Five List authors are: >>---------------------------------------------------------------- >>Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 1, 11 (3rd #1) >>Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 2 >>Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA -- 3 >>Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada -- 4 >>Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 5 >>Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 5 >>David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 6 (Hall of Famer) >>Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7, Banner Tag >>Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 8 >>Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 9, 16 >>Paul Paternoster, Los Altos Hills, CA -- 10, 13 (Hall of Famer) >>Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 12 >>Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX -- 13 >>Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 14 >>Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 15 (Hall of Famer) >>Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Runner Up List Name >>Marvin L. Newman, Cle Elum, WA -- Topic >>Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor >>The Presidents of the United States of America -- Ambience
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