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Irish Chuckles
Remember, God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the 
world...
*****************************************
Lost at Sea Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a
lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. 
While
rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across 
an
old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed 
the
lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came 
forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only 
deliver one
wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, 
"Make
the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his 
hands
with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned 
into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the 
genie
vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke 
the
stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael
looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted and 
after a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now 
we're
going to have to pee in the boat."
*******************************************
Water to Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor 
of
the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done 
it again!"
*********************************************
Irish Prayer
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back 
pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he 
felt
something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, 
"let
it be blood!!"
*******************************************
Irish Shopping
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, 
each
time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar 
was
filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman 
started
to leave.
"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what 
McQuillan
had done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar 
of olives!"
*******************************************
The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the 
brothel
across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the 
brothel,
and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the 
cloth
goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman 
said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to
temptation."
Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of 
the
Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be
quite ill."
****************************************
You've Been Out Drinking Again
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up 
to
leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; 
same
result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air 
and
maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell 
on
his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. 
When he
arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He 
crawled
through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed 
he
tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull 
himself
upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound 
asleep
as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he 
said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
***************************************************
I've Lost Me Luggage
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the
terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline 
Employee
asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the 
Irishman.
"I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.