REASONS WHY CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD

  1. One word: hair
  2. More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
  3. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
  4. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
  5. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
  6. Keeps her First Officer properly in the dark.
  7. Can speak "technobabble" with the best of them.
  8. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
  9. Picard could never act like a prostitute to gain a tactical
advantage.
 10. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
 11. Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit
     they're lost and pull over for directions.
 12. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
 13. Looks better in sleepwear.
 14. Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
 15. Isn't French with an English accent.
 16. "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here,
either,
     but I loved that line!
 17. Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering
experience.
 18. When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
 19. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying
to
     convince them to behave better.
 20. To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly
way.
     Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up
for
     morning bells.
 21. The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
 22. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
 23. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her
way
     through.
 24. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
 25. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
 26. Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of
     trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
 27. 36 episodes without surrendering the ship.
 28. 36 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
 29. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and
lungs.
     Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again
take
     over the ship.
 30. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
 31. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
     Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
 32. Same level of sexual tension between Doctor and Captain.
 33. Never worries about meeting a son she never knew she had.
 34. Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a
shirt;
     Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.
 35. Cheese
 36. Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend
in
     with a primitive planet.
 37. She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in
the
     Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
 38. Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
 39. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
 40. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
 41. Her telepath only lives nine years.
 42. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has
gone
     before" and took them to the extreme.
 43. 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
     instantaneously? That's excessive!
 44. Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day
come
     to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the
deadliest
     of force."
 45. Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
 46. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only
Worf
     could stomach.
 47. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
 48. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
 49. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy,
Paris,
     are YOU ever stupid."
 50. Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
 51. Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
 52. Has a more manly voice.
 53. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight
spot.
 54. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
 55. Had sex with a crewmember and "might have initiated it."
 56. Kes. Troi. No contest.
 57. Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
 58. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she
     wants something to drink.
 59. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
 60. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
 61. Her CONN officer can use contractions.
 62. Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
 63. Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of trouble.
     Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by half the aliens that come
     aboard.
 64. Hostile aliens surrounding her, half the crew are spies, the
nearest
     help is 75 years away, and she's still kept the ship together.
 65. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over
the
     ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all
     humankind.
 66. To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her
spirit
     guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
 67. Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
 68. Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked
Picard's
     girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.

Acknowledgements

This list was created by Gerard Monsen (gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov). If you
have
any suggestions, please e-mail them to me. The master list is held at
http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html I would like to thank the
following
people for their contributions:

(1) Karyn Lou, KarynLou@aol.com
(2) Richard Hanson
(3) Davide Hawkins, dhawk@well.com
(4) Dee Elling, dee@sybase.com
(5) Jeffrey K. Stier
(6) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain
Picard"
by Hemi and the Frakmaster
(7) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Captain
Kirk"
by the Patrick Stewart Estrogen Brigade (I didn't make this up).
(8) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Cmmdr. Sisko is Better Than Both of
'Em!"
by Admiral Wombat
(9) Matthew Carlton, mcarlton@math.ucla.edu
(10) Randy Patton, Randy.Patton@vt.edu
(11) Terry Arzola, arzola@austin.cc.tx.us
(12) Seth Dilday, seth@aplus.com
(13) Mikael G. Haxby, poirot@crocker.com
(14) James Railton, Jeannie.Dickie@cyberstore.ca
(15) Merv Sutai - Jare'achan, MarvMerv@warwick.net
(16) Joyce Harmon, jlharmon@crosslink.net

--
Gerard Monsen, Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory (all opinions mine)
e-mail:  gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov     URL: http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen
See:  "Reasons Why Captain Janeway is Better Than Captain Picard"
    at http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/garrison27

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