This Text file is old! In a 🏛️Museum, an unsorted archive of (user-)pages. (Saved from Geocities in Oct-2009. The archival story: oocities.org)
--------------------------------------- (To 🚫report any bad content: archivehelp @ gmail.com)

>> >
>> > >>> >True Stories from Medical School
>> >                >
>> >                >A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going
>> > to have her baby in the
>> >                >cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out
>> > to the cab, lifts the
>> >                >lady's dress, and begins to take off her
underwear.
>> > Suddenly he notices
>> >                >that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong
>> > one.
>> >                >
>> >                >A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
>> > stethoscope on an elderly
>> >                >and slightly deaf female patient's posterior chest
>> > wall. "Big breaths,"
>> >                >instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be,"
>> > remorsed the patient.
>> >                >
>> >                >One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
>> > told a wife that her
>> >                >husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
>> > Not more than five
>> >                >minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of
>> > the family that he had
>> >                >died of a "massive internal fart."
>> >                >
>> >                >I was performing a complete physical, including
the
>> > visual acuity test. I
>> >                >placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
>> > began, "Cover your right
>> >                >eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
>> > perfectly. "Now your left."
>> >                >Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
>> > There was silence. He
>> >                >couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
>> > turned and discovered
>> >                >that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
>> > standing there with both
>> >                >his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish
>> > the exam.
>> >                >
>> >                >A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the
>> > bathroom when the patient
>> >                >exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me.
This
>> > is only a one-seater!"
>> >                >
>> >                >During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
>> > with his cardiologist, he
>> >                >informed his doctor that he was having trouble
with
>> > one of his medications.
>> >                >"Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The
>> > nurse told me to put on a
>> >                >new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
>> > places to put it!" The
>> >                >doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what
>> > he hoped he wouldn't
>> >                >see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
>> > body! Now the
>> >                >instructions include removal of the old patch
>> > before applying a new one.
>> >                >
>> >                >While acquainting myself with a new elderly
>> > patient, I asked, "How long
>> >                >have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
>> > confusion she answered,
>> >                >"Why not for about twenty years-when my husband
was
>> > alive."
>> >                >
>> >                >A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked,
"So
>> > how's your breakfast
>> >                >this morning?" "It's very good, except for the
>> > Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
>> >                >to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
The
>> > nurse asked to see the
>> >                >jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
>> > "KY Jelly."