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> HERE'S YOUR SIGN
> 
> 
> 
>           It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that
> our
> present astrological signs have served their purpose and
> that we should get rid of them. When I'm out driving
> around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose
> I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some
> twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things
> are just too obscure.
> You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or
> scorpions, not many archers and no da*n water bearers.
> Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either.
> SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we
> can recognize up there in the night sky.
> 
> SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTHDATE!
> 
> OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
> Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on
> the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra
> can look back over his life and see the seeds of his
> influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
> CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
> Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times
> they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came
> from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if
> he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes
> to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can
> burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a
> really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and
> Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
> BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
> You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied
> with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore
> deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you
> are very intense and driven as if you had some inner
> hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you,
> so don't worry about it.
> MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
> You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front
> porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance
> of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here.
> You should marry anybody who you can get remotely
> interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This
> might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
> POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)
> When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a
> marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother
> - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so
> withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This
> strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but
> seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work,
> and you may find your problems actually running you over.
> CRAWFISH (May 22 - Jun 21)
> Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're
> always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer
> the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course,
> the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be
> particularly attractive physically, but you have very,
> very good heads.
> COLLARDS (Jun 22 - Jul 23)
> Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get
> in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with
> the essences of those around them. Collards make good
> social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As
> far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay
> away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a
> lot of heartache.
> CATFISH (Jul 24 - Aug 23)
> Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with
> one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
> You catfish are never easy people to understand. You
> prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life.
> Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
> GRITS (Aug 24 - Sep 23)
> Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You
> like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
> You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think
> about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere
> they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If
> you can go somewhere where they have all these things,
> that serves you well.
> BOILED PEANUTS (Sep 24 - Oct 23)
> You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.
> Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and
> loved ones - may find that your personality is much too
> salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply
> because you are really much softer than you appear. You
> should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to
> because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the
> road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull
> over and stop for you.
> BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
> Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along
> well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be
> proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at
> home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to
> anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do
> with Moon Pies.
> ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
> You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you
> are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old
> friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You
> are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's
> fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything
> about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your
> interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to
> marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another mating
> possibility.