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> Rules for being a good Republican
> 
> 1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year
> prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush,
> but that yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
> 
> 2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve
> success all on their own.
> 
> 3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social
> Security checks on time.
> 
> 4) You have to believe that government should stay out of
> people's lives, yet you want government to regulate permitting
> only opposite-gender marriages and defining what your official
> language should be.
> 
> 5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes
> a profit.
> 
> 6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you
> don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
> 
> 7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still
> virgins.
> 
> 8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with
> decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national
> corporations should have no regulation or interference
> whatsoever.
> 
> 9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus
> shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President
> Clinton.
> 
> 10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing
> up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you
> still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
> 
> 11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to
> spend $50 million to attack Clinton because no other U.S.
> presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
> 
> 12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a
> handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an
> important concern for all Americans.
> 
> 13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of
> schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms
> they won't have sex.
> 
> 14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend
> the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the
> Constitution.
> 
> 15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere,
> and that Europe doesn't exist.
> 
> 16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough
> to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death
> rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it,
> because if we just ignore it, it will go away.
> 
> 17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the
> morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human
> sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is
> good reading.
> 
> 18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have
> killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
> 
> 19) You have to believe that even though governments have
> supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great
> works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our
> government should shun any such support.  After all, the rich
> can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
> 
> 20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one
> percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction
> of those forests and the extinction of the several species of
> plants and animals therein.
> 
> 21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
> Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital
> infidelities - essential lying, but that that bastard Clinton
> should be impeached.