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>  >THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
> > >
> > > AGE     DRINK
> > > ------------------------------------
> > > 17         beer
> > > 25         beer
> > > 35         vodka
> > > 48         double vodka
> > > 66         Maalox
> > >
> > >            SEDUCTION LINE
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         My parents are away for the weekend.
> > > 25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
> > > 35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
> > > 48         My wife is away for the weekend.
> > > 66         My second wife is dead.
> > >
> >
> > >            FAVORITE SPORT
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         sex
> > > 25         sex
> > > 35         sex
> > > 48         sex
> > > 66         napping
> > >
> > >            DRUG
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         pot
> > > 25         coke
> > > 35         really good coke
> > > 48         power
> > > 66         coke, a limousine, the company jet
> > >
> > >            DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         "tongue"
> > > 25         "breakfast"
> > > 35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
> > > 48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
> > > 66         "Got home alive."
> > >
> > >            FAVORITE FANTASY
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         getting to third
> > > 25         airplane sex
> > > 35         menage a trois
> > > 48         taking the company public
> > > 66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
> > >
> > >            HOUSE PET
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         roaches
> > > 25         stoned-out college roommate
> > > 35         Irish setter
> > > 48         children from his first marriage
> > > 66         Barbi
> > >
> > >            WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         25
> > > 25         35
> > > 35         48
> > > 48         66
> > > 66         17
> > >
> > >            IDEAL DATE
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
> > > 25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
> > > 35         "Just come over."
> > > 48         "Just come over and cook."
> > > 66         sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
> > >
> > >
> > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >
> > > THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
> > >
> > > AGE        DRINK
> > > ------------------------------------
> > > 17         Wine Coolers
> > > 25         White wine
> > > 35         Red wine
> > > 48         Dom Perignon
> > > 66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
> > >
> > >            EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         Need to wash my hair
> > > 25         Need to wash and condition my hair
> > > 35         Need to color my hair
> > > 48         Need to have Francois color my hair
> > > 66         Need to have Francois color my wig
> > >
> > >            FAVORITE SPORT
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         shopping
> > > 25         shopping
> > > 35         shopping
> > > 48         shopping
> > > 66         shopping
> > >
> > >            DRUG
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         shopping
> > > 25         shopping
> > > 35         shopping
> > > 48         shopping
> > > 66         shopping
> > >
> > >            DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         "Burger King"
> > > 25         "Free meal"
> > > 35         "A diamond"
> > > 48         "A bigger diamond"
> > > 66         "Home Alone"
> > >
> > >            FAVORITE FANTASY
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         tall, dark and handsome
> > > 25         tall, dark and handsome with money
> > > 35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
> > > 48         a man with hair
> > > 66         a man
> > >
> > >            HOUSE PET
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         Muffy the cat
> > > 25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
> > > 35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
> > > 48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
> > > 66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the
> Cat
> > >
> > >            WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         17
> > > 25         25
> > > 35         35
> > > 48         48
> > > 66         66
> > >
> > >            IDEAL DATE
> > >            ------------------------------------
> > > 17         He offers to pay
> > > 25         He pays
> > > 35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
> > > 48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
> > > 66         He can chew breakfast
> > >