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>You Might Be a Star Wars Fan If...
>
>                   Written by: gjh2350@msu.oscs.montana.edu
>
>     you have ever tried to talk your way out of a traffic violation by
>explaining that some
>     stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf herder (in a similar model
>transport) stole your
>     transponder codes and, aside from how it must look, that vehicle in the
>picture is NOT
>     yours.
>     your beat up old hot rod is NOT a "piece of junk", "may not look like
>much, but she's got it
>     where it counts" and is "the ship that made the kessel run in less than
>twelve parsecs"
>     your hot rod has "a few tricks up her sleeve" and some special
>modifications you made
>     yourself
>     these special modifications always fail at the dramatically appropriate
>moment
>     they always told you they fixed it
>     you have been known to pull out to pass on the interstate while yelling
>"punch it, Chewie!"
>     your radar detector goes crazy and you request that everyone in the car
>"pick up your visual
>     scanning"
>     you spot on-coming highway patrolmen and announce to everyone in the
>vehicle, "here they
>     come!"
>     a rock takes out your windshield and you announce that "we've lost our
>bridge deflector
>     shields!"
>     you drive into a construction zone and your girlfriend says, "you're
>not actually going IN to
>     an asteroid field?!"
>     you reply, "watch your mouth kid, or you'll find yourself floating home"
>     you've ever climbed into a small foreign car, commented on its total
>lack of interior space
>     and been told, "no, i don't think they had wookies in mind when they
>designed her"
>     you spent most of high school cruising the local drag and, when the car
>full of girls you had
>     been following suddenly disappeared, you began to wonder if ships that
>small really DO
>     have cloaking devices.
>     you begin to wonder if the evil galactic empire recycles their garbage
>     you walk into a bar and are told that your droids will have to wait
>outside
>     you have ever walked into a BAD bar by mistake and later commented,
>"you shall never
>     find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy"
>     you have ever advised anyone to "let the wookie win"
>     every automatic door you encounter begins the imperial march playing in
>your head
>     the door opens and causes an uncontrollable urge to do your very well
>rehearsed breath
>     mask impersonation
>     you regularly hear voices in your head telling you to "go to the
>dagobah system," "use the
>     force" or "run, luke, run"
>     you have ever tried to use the Force
>     it worked
>     you begin to think there was a mistake and YOU are the other
>     all your friends have star wars code names
>     you send imperial encrypt coded messages to each other that no one else
>can understand
>     you were ever sent away from the dinner table for asking, "how you get
>so big eating food of
>     this kind?"
>     your parents back yard contains more hidden star wars figures than your
>local toys'r'us
>     you have ever tried to move rocks with your mind, but found yourself
>moving only your
>     eyebrows instead
>     you've seen the movies so many times that you begin to feel bad for the
>rancor
>     you've seen the movies so many times that you cry with the rancor keeper
>     you've ever gone to a toy fair and beat someone up over the price of an
>ewok
>     you begin to wonder why the ewoks worshipped 3PO instead of Chewie
>     you watch the ewoks prepare to roast the heroes and begin to wonder
>what a wookie tastes
>     like
>     you continually watch the 15 second ewok death scene while cackling
>evilly to yourself
>     you have ever asked someone to prove that the 20th Century Fox fanfare
>was NOT a part
>     of the star wars theme song
>     you gagged down two and a half pounds of powder coated sugar bombs to
>send away for a
>     figure that would inevitably be dubbed "Fruity Han"
>     you refer to your wedding band as a "restraining bolt"
>     you unpack a dusty box, find your old star wars underoos and pause to
>wonder if they still
>     fit
>     you've ever started a fight with the words, "if you strike me down, i
>shall become more
>     powerful than you can possibly imagine"
>     you were sure that, after the fight, no one would ever find a trace of
>your remains
>     you've ever attempted to calculate the construction costs to build a
>Death Star
>     you gave up and bought a satellite dish
>     your car has been tagged with a character or vehicle name on a
>personalized license plate
>     everyone in your college dorm knows you as "the star wars guy"
>     you told them your name is vader (or fett, solo, etc.)
>     a few hours of studying are occaisionally interrupted by a lightsaber
>dual between POTF2   ben and vader
>     ben puts up a good fight
>     vader wins anyway (if just for the sake of continuity)
>     you thought "spaceballs" was funny
>     you ever bet your friends that george lucas could beat the crap out of
>gene roddenberry
>     you know without a doubt that a star destroyer could kick the crap out
>of any federation
>     ship and chewie would tear worf's arms off
>     you paid $7 to go to the last star trek movie just to watch kirk die
>     someone mentions classical literature and it reminds you to call the
>book store to reserve a copy of Shadows of the Empire
>     you can properly pronounce "Xizor"
>     you realize that POTF2 leia looks like a wookie, but you bought her anyway
>     you spend more than 15 minutes tryng to get POTF2 ben and han to stand
>up unassisted
>     you begin to realize that kenners POTF2 line contains 8000 deliberate
>variations so that
>     collectors will continue to buy figures they already own
>     you don't care
>     you've ever been stopped at the border and announced that you are
>carrying "parts and
>     technical crew for the forest moon"
>     the border patrol agent knew what you were talking about
>     you've already started packing for your over-night stay at the movie
>theater in February of
>     '97
>     your family photo collage includes a picture of yoda
>     you can sing along to weird al's "yoda"
>     you think yogurt is a short, green guy who uses "da schwartz"
>     you have ever played a game where everyone drinks when luke whines
>     you knew you'd be sloshed in ten minutes, but you played anyway
>     you pout for a week when someone points out a bit of "cheese acting"
>     someone tells you that john ratzenberger and scott bakula are in TESB
>and you actually look
>     for them
>     your idea of a good buy involves missing a car payment for something
>called "yak face"
>     you can point out yak face, tooth face, and prune face
>     you think these are good names for characters
>
>     and last, but not least, you might be a star wars fan if...
>     you spend three hours compiling a list of 70 things that might make you
>a star wars fan