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What if Star Wars was turned into a pimped out Movie?

Well, we figured many great movies out there were the "pimped-out" ones,
such as Shaft, Dolemite, Disco Godfather, Black Belt Jones, I'm Gonna Git
You Sucka, and Petey Wheatstraw. So, what would be a good movie to turn
into a pimped out movie? Why, Star Wars, of course. Here are a list of
changes that would have to be made, to make Star Wars the truly great
trilogy it was meant to be.

     The Millennium Falcon has hydraulics, and gold plated landing gear. It
     also has huge, 500w subs mounted by the cannons.

     The chess table is replaced by the craps table.

     At the Cantina, Han Solo and Chewbacca are drinking 40's of
     Old-English 800.

     Han Solo doesn't shoot Greedo under the table, he drops the sucka
     execution style.

     C3-P0 is a completely soul-less, rhythmless English white guy.

     Artoo is a short Hispanic man with Turret's syndrome (he's always
     wise-cracking at 3P0).

     Princess Leia has hair extensions and bamboo earrings.

     The Rebel Alliance is the Black Panthers.

     The Emperor becomes The Man.

     Light sabers are completely replaced by kung-fu fighting.

     Lando is exactly the same, just carrying a 16oz can of Colt 45.
     Ohhhhhhhhh yeah.

     The Force would be some pharmacological substance which can be grown
     in your backyard.

     Obi Wan is a Dead-Head who goes around trying to give the Force away
     for free.

     Blasters are replaced with 9's.

     The Ewoks are the gangs from China Town, carrying switchblades.

     Vader's a crack dealer (Dark Side of the Force).

     Jabba's place is a disco. Jabba remains the same.

     Boba-Fett is an Sicilian hitman named Guido ("And I want them alive .
     Nooooooo cement shoes").

     Han's known only as "1 bad mutha".

     Uncle Owen is the equivalent of the father on the Wayan's Brothers.
     He doesn't want Luke to leave, because he needs him at the local
     convenience store.

     The Jawas are replaced by the local fences. (Say my man, you want a
     watch?).

     Sand People are replaced by drunken hillbilly rednecks (They're
     easily startled, but they'll soon be back). Banthas become monster
     trucks with gun racks, mud flaps, and 4000 watts of flood lights on
     the roll bars.

     The Gammorean guard would be replaced by huge black guys named Tiny.

     The stormtroopers (i.e., the cops) would be paid off with a bag of
     the Force ("these aren't the droids you're looking for..." "move
     along...")

     Yoda's all shriveled, short, and green because he's been holding in
     the same hit for a looooong time ("When 900 years you reach, look so
     good, you will not, hmmmmm?")

     The best Force is found on Dagobah.

     The entire soundtrack is redone by George Clinton and the Parliament
     Funkadelic.

     X-Wings are replaced by low-riders.

     Bespin is a huge whippet manufacturing plant, busted by the Man.

     Chewie is some huge Cuban (hence the accent) guy named Jesus.
     ("Cubans have been known to rip people's arms off when they lose.").

     Donna Summer is singing at Jabba's Disco (Jabba remains the same).

     Luke is the ultimate player Mac Daddy. He pimps his own sister to his
     best friend.

     Luke's so bad, he's on the chronic : hence he's wearing all black
     when he enters Jabba's place (Jabba remains the same).


                                   Scene Changes

     Uncle Owen :"We talked about this before. I need you here at the
     Qwiki-Mart behind the counter."
     Luke :"Yo, G, I just wanna chill with the homies!"
     Uncle Owen :"But closing time's when I need you the most."

     Leia :"You're not actually going into the projects are you?"
     Han :"Shut up bee-otch. They'd be crazy to follow us wouldn't they?"

     Luke :"Yo, Artoo, get this door open for me."
     Artoo:"Ok, esse!"

     (scene at Mos Eisley where Luke is accosted and Obi Wan saves his ass)

     (Luke is tapped on shoulder by a hand with many big gold rings)
     Guy: "Eh yo, man, my homie ain't down wich u."
     (Luke turns away and is tapped again)
     Guy: "Eh yo man! I ain't down wich u neithuh!"
     Guy: "Ya'll just watch yo sorry ass. We all's wanted muthas. I gots
     post office posters in more hoods 'n i got gold chains"
     Luke: "Yo man, it,s cool, i be cool."
     Guy: "YO ASS'LL BE CAPPED SUCKAH!!"

     (at this point Kenobi steps in)

     Kenobi: "Now ya'll chiiill man. . .let's be cool, i got 40s for
     everyone"
     (Guy attacks Luke. In that one instance, Kenobi pulls out some Force,
     lights it, takes a few puffs, whips his AK out and wastes the lot of
     em, all faster than anyone could have followed)