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T H E T O P F I V E L I S T
Episode 3042: Gilligan screws up again
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Psssst! Wanna see somethin' funny?
Bill Gates Net Worth http://www.quuxuum.org/~evan/bgnw.html
The Daily Quiz http://www.fortunecity.com/uproar/cosmo/35
Center for the Easily Amused http://www.amused.com
The Daily Monologue http://www.wirecom.com/jim
The Boy With Immovable Hair http://members.aol.com/tbwih
Bob's Fridge Door http://bobsfridge.com
Randy Cassingham's "This is True" http://www.ThisisTrue.com
Joke A Day http://jokeaday.com
Dr. Daniel's Movie Emergency http://www.stairwell.com/doc
WWW Fights Ground Zero http://www.wwwfights.com
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March 9 1999
The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader
14> Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the
other side of the planet.
13> Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin
teacher's house.
12> The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces
of his mortal enemies.
11> Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in
his room and putting his hand in warm water.
10> Ability to sweet-talk girls into "rubbing his helmet."
9> For a white kid, he did a pretty damn good James Earl Jones
impression.
8> Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with "take no
prisoners" attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.
7> The old Jedi "your lunch money is mine" trick.
6> Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after
only one bean burrito.
5> Won the high school talent show every year by making the
vice principal writhe in pain.
4> Ability to activate "Trouser Saber" at will.
3> The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe
that through the constant application of love and
understanding *they* can change him.
2> "You don't need to see my I.D. You know I'm old enough to
buy beer."
and Topfive.com's Number 1
Special Power of the Young Darth Vader...
1> Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending
doom = Goth babe magnet!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ]
Selected from 141 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Zach Garland, Dallas, TX -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 1, 2 (5th #1)
Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 1 (4th #1)
Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 2, 8, 14 (Hat trick!)
Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 2, 9
Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 2, 14
Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC -- 2
Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 2
Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2
Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3
Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 4
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 (Hall of Famer)
Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA -- 6
Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- 7, 12, Topic
Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7, 12
Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 7
Diana Heche, Santa Monica, CA -- 7
Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9 (Rookie!)
Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 14 (Hall of Famer)
Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 11
Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 12
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 13
Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14
Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 14
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 14, Honorable Mention name
Eric Foster, Altamonte Springs, FL -- Banner tag
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
Meco Monardo, Italy? -- Ambience
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"The Dork Side" and "Dearth Vader"
The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions
for today's list can be found on the Joke A Day website:
http://www.jokeaday.com/nftop5.shtml
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