Judy
Dear Dr. Ellen: I read your advice columns every
week and there are two things that have stayed
with me in particular. You wrote about someone who
was cheating on his wife with a co-worker and a
friend of the family felt obligated to tell his
children? I admired your strong words about how
you cannot help what you feel, but you CAN help
what you do about it. Well, my boss, a man who I
respected and whose marriage I envied, is cheating
on his wife with a co-worker here. His wife is a
lovely woman and I hate sitting by watching this
going on behind her back. I know from little things
she has said that she is a little suspicious of her
husband's actions lately. I have been in a
relationship myself where I was cheated on. The
suspicion drove me absolutely crazy. I started
acting irrationally. In fact, I am married now and
seeing a therapist with my husband seeking help for
my trust issues with men. I feel for this woman and
every time she calls here looking for her husband I
am tempted to tell her. I have been giving the two
of them the "cold shoulder" because their actions
make me sick. They know that I am aware of what's
going on, have known for several months. Yet my
boss continues to look me straight in the eye and
lie about his whereabouts, as though he needs to
give me an explanation. This is really eating at me.
Dr. Ellen, should I just keep my mouth shut or is
there some way, for the sake of women everywhere,
that I can let his wife know that the man she is
living with every day is being unfaithful? - June
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Dear June: No amount of money is worth you being
"eaten up" and feeling sick every single day. Life
is too short to keep yourself in this type of
environment. If I were you, I would find another job.
That's where all your energy should go. As for
telling his wife, she probably already knows but
needs her own proof in her own time. Believe me, if
he's spending time with another woman, he is not
spending time with his wife and she is keenly aware
of that. He is cheating her out of the relationship
she deserves. I don't think you should be the one who
speeds up the process for her. I also don't think you
should be put in a position to lie about his
whereabouts. When you really think about it, you know
what is going on and you have chosen to stay. I'm sure
you would advise this woman to leave the relationship
when there is probably so much more at stake for her
than just a job. The message for women everywhere is
not to stay with a man who lies and cheats whether it
is on a professional or personal basis. Let that
message begin with YOU. Think how great it would feel
to get another job and when your boss asks you "Why?"
you say, "Because I can no longer work in a place
where the people I work with have no values and
morals"! - Dr. Ellen