lastsong

A songfic by Sammi-chan

~Watching the stars till they're gone
      Like an actor all alone
      Who never knew the story he was in
      Who never knew the story ends
      Like the sky reflecting my heart
      All the colors become visible
      When the morning begins
      I'll read the last line~
   The stars seemed so dim tonight, could they be mourning the loss of an angel? A beautiful angel who had fallen from the grace of God...because of me, the tainted one, the sinner...
   Curse you God, why did You take my angel away? How can You make a mockery of my life, again and again? It isn't enough that I lost Asuka? Why did you take Omi too? I felt the blood caking my hands, another stain on my black heart...I could have saved him...Why? Why can't I save the only salvation I have? How can You God? How can You take my peace away? After so long, when I can finally find love again, why did You take him away? Blast you, cruel God...
      ~In the endless rain I've been walking
      Like a poet feeling pain
      Trying to find the answers
      Trying to hide the tears
      But it was just a circle
      that never ends
      When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
      The page of the first chapter~
   I have held his slight figure in my arms, his sea-blue eyes bright on my face, gave me that smile of his..."I love you, Yohji-kun," and close his eyes slowly, Death taking the life of my love, he is never going to argue with me, laugh with me, kiss me, WHY? WHY? WHY? I felt like a character in a story, like those tragedy characters, helpless to change my fate, a fate dictated by an unseen hand. Why can't I jump out of the story to save my love?
      I closed my eyes from the onslaught of the pouring rain, my tears mingling with the rain, down my cheeks. What's the use with rain? They can't wash away my sins, they can't take my pain away...If I had gone back to the alley earlier, if I hadn't argued with Omi, Schuldig will never get him, will have the chance to kill him. Omi had done nothing wrong, except loving a friend from hell, someone who doesn't deserve his love, who cannot give him the happiness he seeked...
      ~Am I wrong to be hurt
      Am I wrong to feel pain
      Am I wrong to be in the rain
      Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
      Am I wrong to cry
      But I know it's not wrong to sing THE LAST SONG
      cause forever fades~
   I have tainted him, touched him with my 'dirty' hands and stained his innocence. Who am I? A sinner, someone who is evil, darkness is my only friend, I tried to push him away, afraid of losing another whom I loved, after all the obstacles, just when I began to hope to have happiness, that happiness is shattered, sending me back to the hell-hole I belong, letting the darkness engulfing me within its clutches. Will my life be a never-ending story of despair? I yearn to hear his voice, feel his gentle hands brushing the frown from my face, smell that intoxicating scent as he walked near me....why must I be a fiend? Why must destroyed everyone around me?
   Everything is my fault, everything, it's my stupid pride that killed Omi, all I ever want to do is protect Omi, to nurture that innocent flower entrusted in my care...God, ain't You supposed to be ALL MIGHTY? Ain't we supposed to be Your children? Why have You forsaken us...abandoned Your creation?
   Empty, I feel so lost without Omi, he is my heart, if only I can turn back time, if only I had loved him more, he will never leave, never be dead....
   "Yohji-kun, don't despair, it's not your fault..."
   I snapped my eyes open, Omi in front of me, his image fading from my view...
   Wait, don't go, don't leave me, take me with you, where we can be together forever, Omi...