Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?".

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?".

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?".

Operator: Doesn't the product name give you a clue?

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):

"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?".

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?".

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo ed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven?. Are you sure?".

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland".

Caller: "I'd like the RSPCA please".

Operator: "Where are you calling from?".

Caller: "The living room".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

Computer Capers

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer: "OK".

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?".

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?".

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?".

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

British Rail Customer: "How much does it cost to Bath on the train?".

Operator: "If you can get your feet in the sink, then it's free".

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: " It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are the opening hours".

The Bank

Caller: "I would like to borrow £ 2,000 please".

Operator: "Certainly, sir. Over how long?".

Caller: "Three years, please".

Operator: "OK, sir. That will be £ 75 per month for 36 months. Is that OK?".

Caller: "No, not at all. I want it all at once!"