Disclaimer: Voyager and the characters mentioned in this fan fiction are the property of Paramount Pictures. I borrow them with the utmost respect and no intent to infringe on anyone's copyright.

Merry Christmas, Kathryn

By Tanya Chang

As the U.S.S. Starship Voyager slipped silently through the never-ending night of space, whispers were heard in its impersonal, metal corridors as an energy overtook the crew. Every year, for the past seven years, the crew observed a period of festivities that coincided with the traditional holidays of several races on the ship. It was a time to share in each other's cultural differences, a time to remember those colleagues who had been lost over the years, and a time to give thanks for that which they still had in each other: a community of caring friends, a loving family which had seen birth, death and marriage, all things which provided the definition of a home even as they made their way back to their friends and family back in the Alpha Quadrant, still over sixty years away at Voyager's maximum speed.

In his spare time, Neelix, the Talaxian cook who had at first come aboard as a guest to help guide Voyager's crew through the Delta Quadrant, had been working with Ensign Kim on constructing a holoprogram for the concluding celebrations. In past years, the themes had been Ocampan, Vulcan, Bolian, Bajoran, Klingon, and Talaxian, but this year, the seventh celebration was to be more in line with Human festivities, as Humans comprised the largest percentage of the crew. The past six years had been a concession by Captain Janeway to try and make the minority species feel more at home since most of them had very few counterparts of their own race with whom to socialize. But this year, Neelix had decided that the Humans deserved recognition of their beliefs.

Of course, unlike many species he had known, Humans had many different religious beliefs behind their celebrations, a result of a highly fractured society up until the middle of the twenty-second century. After much consultation with Ensign Kim and Voyager's computer database, Neelix had finally decided on a combination of observances. Decorations would be red and gold to observe colours of the Chinese New Year, candles would be lit over a period of days in observance of Hanukkah, Moslem delicacies would be served, and there would be a beautiful Christmas tree at the centre of all the activities, with a star atop to symbolize not only the star of Bethlehem, but also to symbolize a guiding light which would eventually take Voyager's crew home. It was a complicated process to organize everything, but not one was better able to handle the task than Neelix, who was always looking for ways to keep the crew's morale and spirits high.

Tom Paris sat at his usual post on the Bridge, working on some programs he had begun to write to help with piloting simulations on the holodeck. Some of the junior officers rarely had the opportunity to pilot a shuttle, and Paris's program would allow them to test their flying abilities in the most hazardous scenarios, all the while not ever leaving the ship. With such a long journey ahead, Voyager couldn't spare much time for non-simulated training exercises.

The captain was sitting quietly in the command seat, preferring on this day, the company of her crew to the isolation of her Ready Room. She had decided to take the opportunity to read crew evaluations to find out before she joined the ship's holiday festivities just what everyone was up to. Out of a crew of nearly one hundred and fifty, Kathryn felt she knew a little about everyone, but she had never really gotten to know a lot about anyone other than her senior staff. It was at times like these that she envied Chakotay's ease at getting to know people. It wasn't that she wasn't a people person, it was just that her duties took her away from the lower ranking officers, and protocol demanded a certain distance from the officers who served under here, as much as she regretted this. Even among her senior staff, not one of them ever saw her as anything more than their captain… except Chakotay. He was the only one among the crew who could separate her Starfleet persona from the woman behind her. He was the only one who ever dared call her "Kathryn", and the sound of her name coming from his lips was always like music to her ears.

"Captain?" The sound of her title shook her from her reverie, and Kathryn realized she had skimmed all the way to the bottom of Ensign Webber's file without so much as retaining a single word.

"What is it, Tom?"

"Will we see you at the Christmas party?"

Kathryn smiled broadly. The question wasn't anything that she was expecting to break up the silence on the Bridge. Except for the usual hum of the ship's systems, not a sound was heard. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The lines of the familiar poem ran through the captain's mind as she answered, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good," Tom said, his face beaming. "I know someone in particular is counting on you being there throughout the evening."

"Oh?"

Tom turned back to his work, wanting to see the captain's expression of curiosity as he planted that little seed of information, but he forced himself not to make eye contact. "B'Elanna and I are both sworn to secrecy, as I suspect anyone else with information might be," he concluded.

When the shift had ended, Kathryn gladly retreated to her quarters although she gave a thought to the skeleton Bridge crew who had volunteered to keep an eye on things while the rest of the crew took part in the festivities. Chakotay had thoughtfully put in a rotation over a three hour period which would allow for participation by all on board, but the captain had noticed that Tuvok had signed up for the entire three hours. She would have to do something about that later.

Kathryn thought briefly about her first officer again and wondered where he had been keeping himself all day. He had told her he'd be finishing the last of the crew evaluations, but hadn't so much as showed his face since the day before. She hoped he wouldn't let work get in the way of some fun. Of course, she was hardly the one to berate one of the crew for what she was most guilty of doing herself.

Deciding to take her time getting ready for the party, Kathryn opted for a real water shower to the sonic shower which she normally took in the mornings before reporting for work. There was just something about the feel of warm water running through your hair and over your body that made it feel as though all your worries were being washed away.

Once her hair had dried somewhat, the captain pulled it back as she used to in that first year or so aboard Voyager, but she pulled out a few tendrils of auburn hair and curled them slightly to frame her face. She sometimes considered growing her hair long again, but she'd found her shorter bob to be less of a hassle. No matter how much the ship got tossed about, she could quickly get her short hairdo back into some semblance of order, unlike with her old hairstyles which could eventually end up in such a state of disarray that she merely looked frazzled to everyone around her.

For this evening, the dress she chose was a simple sheer-sleeved emerald green velvet which came down to the tops of her knees. Knowing she might regret it later, she slid her feet into a pair of black patent leather pumps and checked herself in the mirror. Around her neck, she wore a locket that her sister had given her years before. She opened it and looked at the pictures inside. On one side, her parents smiled at her, and in the other Phoebe laughed at the camera. She wondered when it would be that she might hold her mother and sister in her arms again, and she remembered her father fondly. The green of her dress had been his favourite colour, reminding him always of the green of their Irish homeland. Having been able to receive correspondence from the Alpha Quadrant over the past few years had been a bittersweet touch of home: that much closer and yet still so far. Gently placing a kiss on the locket and wishing the gesture a speedy journey over the light years, she let the heart shaped pendant fall against her skin and headed for the holodeck.

The doors of Holodeck Two were open, allowing the strains of music and voices to float pleasantly into the hallway, enticing all who walked by to enter. The captain smiled as she recognized the refrain of a traditional Christmas song being played by Harry on his clarinet and one of her other many multi-talented crewmembers at the piano. As the duo finished the piece, there was applause from the rest of the partygoers. Kathryn chose that moment to enter the room so as not to draw attention to herself since everyone had their eyes on Harry and Ensign Paula Cleary, asking for an encore.

As she stepped across the threshold, the captain found herself blushing as she saw her first officer approach her with a look of obvious approval at the way she was dressed. Before she could react, Chakotay quickly planted a kiss on her cheek. Kathryn smiled awkwardly, admitting to herself that she was glad for the gesture, but raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Mistletoe," Chakotay explained quickly as he looked up at a point above the captain's head.

"Ah," Kathryn replied, stepping slightly to one side. "And I thought you were just happy to see me."

"Well, I figured I'd better take advantage of the opportunity," Chakotay teased. "Besides, if anyone else were to try a move like that, you'd probably send them to the brig."

The captain was about to come back with some witty remark when Neelix, bedecked in green and red which clashed horribly with his skin and hair colours, came bounding at the senior officers with a couple of glasses in his hands.

"Captain, you look beautiful!" he chirped happily.

"Thank you, Neelix." The captain decided it was best not to comment on Neelix' outfit, not wanting to open up the possibility that he might inadvertently be insulted.

"Have some egg not," Neelix offered as he handed the glasses of yellowish liquid to Chakotay and the captain. "Finest in the Delta Quadrant, if I may say so myself," he boasted. "The eggs are from the Ostra birds on Telbran, and I've added my own spices as well as more than a touch of syntheholic spirits to give it that extra punch."

Kathryn and her first officer looked at each other with trepidation. Neelix' experiments with tried and true recipes often turned out disastrously, but in the spirit of the season, they lifted their glasses in a wary toast and then simultaneously braved a sip.

"Mm! Not bad!" Kathryn exclaimed with an approving nod and another sip. "Definitely the best I've ever tasted."

Bounding off to spread his festive spirit among the rest of the crew, Neelix seemed happy with the compliment and satisfied that the festivities were an unqualified success.

A number of the crew was gathered by the piano again, singing traditional Christmas songs, as well as some more exotic Klingon, Bolian and Vulcan tunes. Chakotay ushered the captain towards the group, his hand gently placed on her elbow. Kathryn felt a shiver run through her body and then she smiled at the warmth that followed as, side by side, she and Chakotay joined in the singing. Chakotay's voice was deep and rich, providing a strong bass under the higher harmonies of the other crewmembers. He had once told her that he had no talent to offer in a performance setting, but she would know that wasn't true the next time Neelix held a talent show.

As the crew finished singing and accompanists at the piano switched to relieve Ensign Cleary's stiffening back, Chakotay leaned close to the captain, his voice a whisper by her ear. "I'm heading to the Bridge to see if I can convince Tuvok to lighten up and join everyone here."

Kathryn turned slightly and nodded her approval. "Don't stay away too long, Commander."

"Is that an order?" Chakotay asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

Kathryn smiled back. "No, it's a request from a friend."

"In that case, come and get me if I go missing in action for too long."

***

The captain continued to enjoy her time at Neelix' party, but after an hour of socializing and singing, the crew started to settle into smaller, more intimate groups, and Kathryn suddenly felt out of place with no one to really talk to aside from Neelix himself. Tuvok looked absolutely unamused even if he claimed not to feel emotions, and the captain decided she should take the chance to put the Vulcan out of his misery.

"Tuvok, I'm heading for the Bridge. Would you care to join me?"

Tuvok turned immediately to follow his commanding officer. "I have not had a better offer all evening. I will admit to preferring the quiet time on the Bridge to all these festivities," he said as they reached the turbolift.

"For most of us, these festivities are a necessity," Kathryn said softly. "Haven't you noticed the increase in morale and productivity these past few weeks?"

"I will concede that much," Tuvok replied, "however, being on the Bridge would be a far more productive use of my own time. I would not begrudge any crew member their time to celebrate, but it is not something I enjoy or require."

When the turbolift doors opened onto Voyager's command centre, Kathryn was first to notice Chakotay's absence even as the ensign in her chair shot up out of her seat. "At ease, Ensign," she assured the junior officer. "Why don't you go join the party before it's over? Mr. Tuvok has had enough of the festivities so you may as well take advantage."

The ensign hesitated slightly so Kathryn smiled at her. "Go have some fun, Carol. I'll let Commander Chakotay know where you've gone."

"Thank you, Captain."

As she watched the young woman leave, Kathryn let Tuvok know he had the Bridge and then headed for her Ready Room where she was sure she'd find the Commander.

As the door slid open, what she saw caught her completely by surprise. Her office had been transformed. All around were potted red and green plants that could pass for poinsettias, and the smell of cedar wood floated in the air just enough to catch her attention. Across the windows were green garlands tied with silver and gold bows, and her coffee table had become home to a tiny village complete with working lights and snow covered houses. Just beside her desk, in an oft-unused part of the room, stood a beautiful blue spruce tree decorated in silver and purple ornaments. Faintly, she could hear the melodies of holiday tunes she had grown up with and loved.

"Chakotay?"

Her first officer - and, she admitted, her best friend - stepped out from behind the tree with a huge grin on his face. "Surprise!"

"You did all this?" she asked as she marveled at how warm the Ready Room could be in spite of its Starfleet issue gray walls. She had always enjoyed the feel in her office because of the huge windows that took in so much of space, and the occasional view of planets that looked so much like Earth, but there was something very special about what she felt now.

"Just for you," Chakotay replied as he followed her up the steps to the coffee table display.

Kathryn picked up one of the tiny porcelain angels and marveled at the detail before setting it back in the tiny village. "You're too good to me, Chakotay. I know I've taken you for granted, and that we've had our fair share of disagreements -"

"Just like an old married couple," Chakotay quipped.

"With a hundred and forty children?" Kathryn concluded with a soft chuckle.

Chakotay laughed with her and when they had stopped, he ushered her to the sofa and handed her a mug of hot apple cider. The smell of apples and cinnamon wafted through the room, and Kathryn closed her eyes happily as she leaned back to enjoy the sensations that filled her.

"What are you thinking?" Chakotay asked softly.

Kathryn turned to him and smiled. "I want to remember every detail of this Christmas," she said. "This is truly the best gift I have ever received."

"I'm glad," he said.

"I wouldn't want you to think I had completely forgotten you either," said the captain, "because I didn't. I missed you when you left the party, you know."

"I would have come after you after a while," Chakotay reassured her. "Besides, I still have one more gift for you."

Kathryn shook her head. "No, it's my turn now." As Chakotay began to protest, Kathryn put up a hand to stop him and then went to her desk where she retrieved a brightly wrapped package from the top drawer. "It's not very much," she apologized, "but I wanted to give you something, and I'm afraid my imagination failed me."

Chakotay took the package and examined it for a moment before meeting the captain's gaze.

"Go ahead. Open it," she insisted.

Chakotay ripped away the green paper and bow and pulled out a beautiful feather and beaded hoop with a web spun in its centre: a dream catcher.

"I know it's not much," Kathryn said again, but I read about the power of the dream catcher and wanted to give you something to keep away all the evil that you might encounter. The feathers are some that I gathered on New Earth…"

Chakotay felt a sudden moisture in his eyes which he held back. Over the past five years, Kathryn had seldom mentioned New Earth except in passing. To know that she had kept something as seemingly insignificant as a feather, and to include it in her gift to him now, meant more to him than she could have imagined. It had seemed so easy for her to just put that part of their lives behind her, but it had been harder - or so he had thought for so long - for him because he had cared so much about making a life for the two of them. But she had always been the one to hope for something more, no matter how impossible that goal seemed. They were different in so many ways, and yet they had lived in harmony that entire time despite their different perspectives. He often wondered if they could ever have that harmony again, and until now that question had always seemed to have an uncertain answer.

Softly, Chakotay felt a light kiss on his cheek and he turned to his captain. "Thank you for your friendship," she whispered.

Chakotay looked deep into Kathryn's sky blue eyes, searching for any sign that maybe this moment wasn't something special to her, but finding only a deep-seeded trust and caring. Chakotay felt that he had never been so intimate with a woman before in his life, and yet he knew that for as long as they served together, their relationship would forever remain platonic. But at least now he knew there could be more, and that there was more behind all the commands and the eye contact and the touch of their hands.

"Kathryn…"

The captain smiled and put her hand over his. "We both know this is getting too cozy," she said gently.

"Maybe we'd better get back to the party before everyone starts wondering about us," Chakotay agreed. "But first, my other gift."

"You've given me so much already," Kathryn protested lightly.

"I don't think I could give it to anyone else," Chakotay said with a smile as he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket. "I did some research of my own about your heritage, Kathryn. I know you're close to your Irish roots and I wanted you to know that you can always count on me."

"I already know that," the captain replied as she ran her hand over the top of the box. "I would trust you with my life, Chakotay."

"Still, I want you to remember that even when we're not together anymore," Chakotay said. "I know we'll get home within our lifetimes, and when the day comes that we all go our separate ways, I want you to know always that you've got a friend you can talk to."

Kathryn ran her thumb one last time over the soft velvet of the box and then lifted the cover. Inside was a beautiful ring of silver and gold. The design was familiar to her as that of Claddagh: two hands holding a crowned heart. In the land of her ancestors, the ring was a symbol of love and friendship. When she was a young girl, her mother had always said that Kathryn would inherit the family Claddagh ring that had been passed from mother to eldest daughter through more than twenty generations. When Voyager had disappeared, and everyone in the Alpha Quadrant had finally accepted that her crew was dead, Kathryn's mother had decided that Phoebe would inherit the ring at the time of her marriage. Kathryn had understood that the break in family tradition was inevitable after several years in the Delta Quadrant, but it had still hurt her that she would be the first in a long line of Kiernan women not to carry on the tradition as it was meant to be. This ring that she now held in her hand was a treasure to her. It could be the start of a new tradition, and it would forever tie Chakotay's spirit to her own.

Chakotay pulled the ring from the box and lifted Kathryn's hand to place the ring on her finger. He had done his research on the significance of how the ring was worn as well, and placed it over her middle finger, with the heart pointing outward to signify a heart that has not yet been won. Kathryn's other hand reached out to stop him and he looked at her with a questioning look. She smiled as she turned the ring around and slipped it on her finger. "You'll always have a part of my heart, Chakotay," she explained.

"As you have in mine," he replied.

Kathryn leaned forward again and chastely kissed Chakotay again, her lips touching his lightly but only for a moment. "Let's get back to the party," she suggested with a new sparkle in her eye.

"Do you think anyone will wonder if we both return at the same time?" Chakotay asked.

Kathryn chuckled lightly. "They've been wondering about us for years, Commander. Let them talk. All I care about is that you never stop calling me Kathryn," she said, running her thumb along the band around her finger, "because you're the only one who does on this ship, and that means everything to me."

"I don't think that's too much to ask," Chakotay replied as they reached the door. And, just as it slid open, he gave his captain and friend one more smiling glance and said, "Merry Christmas, Kathryn."

THE END