My Angel
Chapter 1
By: Bella
I never really thought ahead about my life. I guess that's because I never really believed I'd make it to that point. Most people think in terms of "When I'm older..." Me? I always thought in terms of "If I were older..." It's funny, because I never really made the connection until recently. I'm certain that's why. Somehow I always felt that the only thing I've ever wanted would never come. I spent my life wishing it away. When I was 5 years old I longed to be 10. Once I was 10 I longed to be 15. I was never happy where I was, and I'm not just talking about age. I literally wanted a different life. I wanted the opposite of everything I had. I hated myself because of this. No matter what I had, it was never enough. Don't you hate people like that? So do I. That's why I couldn't stand myself.
I'd vow to change, but it would never happen. I know for a fact that I wasted my life. I never really allowed myself to live and looking back I realize what a shame it was. I always had a sneaking suspicion that when one dies all truths, realities, and purposes are revealed. Now I know I was right. That's probably the only thing I ever got right.
The best and the worst part of my life began in May 2003. That's when I met him. I remember every detail of that entire day. I remember that I ate Fruit Loops for breakfast. I remember the sky was clear and there was a light breeze. I remember that I wore my lucky blue sandals. I remember that I fell in love that day for the very first (and last) time...
---
"Mari! Oh my god, you'll never guess who I just met!" I heard my cousin, Becky, yelling into the phone with excitement.
"It had better be someone important, like the president, because you woke me up," I groaned back. I had been asleep until she called. I was not a morning person at all. She, however, was. She went jogging at 5:30am at least 4 times a week. In my mind she was a crazy woman.
"Even better! I met Billy's sister-in-law!" she exclaimed. "I was jogging and I just ran into her on accident. She was out walking her dog. Oh my gosh, you'll never guess what kind of dog she has! It's a boxer, just like Cash!"
I was confused. I had absolutely no idea who the hell she was talking about. "What now?"
"Good Charlotte! You know, the band we're going to see in concert tonight. Please tell me you didn't forget," she said.
"No, I remember. Jesus, it's like 6 o'clock in the fucking morning and you're telling me you woke me up to tell me that you ran into a sister-in-law of some Good Charlotte person? I'm going to back to sleep," I said, cranky. If you're going to wake me up by calling me on the phone and talking about someone other than me, at least make sure I actually know or give a rat's ass about that person.
"Wait, don't hang up! Quit being such a bitch, you didn't even let me get to the good part yet," she replied. Ah, so there was a good part. Why didn't she just say that from the get-go?
"Ok, I'm listening."
"Ok, so I run into Billy's sister-in-law, like literally, and anyway she sees my GC hoodie and she was all, 'oh, are you a good charlotte fan?' and I was like, 'yeah! I'm going to their concert tonight,' and then we started talking and stuff and she told me she was married to Billy's step-brother and that she can get us backstage tonight, isn't that seriously the single fucking most awesome thing ever!" she said, extremely excited. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock. 6:26am. I hung up on her and fell back asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
---
Later that day, after I had gotten a chance to wake up when I wanted to and shower, I called Becky back. She explained once again that we would be going backstage after that night's concert and demanded that I go over to her place as soon as my last class let out. I was skeptic. How did she know that person wasn't lying? Oh well, whatever.
Becky had been a hard-core Good Charlotte fan for a while by now. Apparently they were from around here and she had been following them since before they "hit it big." I never really understood what was so great about them. It wasn't that I disliked them or anything, but didn't exactly rush out and buy their record. I would occasionally see their music videos on MTV or hear a song of theirs on the radio, but never really paid attention to be honest. I couldn't even tell you how many band members there were.
I was 19 and a sophomore at the University of Maryland. Becky was 18 and just a couple weeks shy of graduating from high school. I went to my classes as usual that day, but something very unusual happened to me when I was on my way to the parking lot.
Let's just say that I was terribly shy. Painfully shy. My best and only friend was Becky. And my younger siblings and parents, if they count. I'd never really had many friends growing up, and now that I was older I had just about none that weren't blood related. I was the strange girl that no one could really get to come out of her shell. I rarely spoke to people, and almost never made eye contact. I used to long for friends, but by this time it had been so long since I had experienced the healthy interactions that take place in normal peoples' lives every day without even giving it a thought, that I had become absolutely terrified of people and what they thought of me. When forced I could interact, but not very well.
That's why I couldn't believe what happened to me that day. It was something I would pray over and over in my head wouldn't happen to me. A stranger talked to me.
"Excuse me?" I heard a male voice say from in front of me as I felt eyes burning into my soul. I had no choice, I had to look up and see if that voice was meant for me. My eyes went from their comfortable spot on the pavement to the face of what seemed to be a handsome young man hiding under a baseball cap and sun glasses. "You wouldn't know where the baseball field is, would you?"
"Yeah, it's right behind the music building, across from the north gym," I replied, pointing in the general direction. He quickly got out a map of the campus from his pocket.
"Music building, music building… do you know where that is on this map?" he asked, looking lost and confused. I smiled.
"Actually it's on my way anyway, I can show you where it is if you want," I suggested nervously.
"That'd be great if you don't mind," he said. "Thanks, I appreciate it."
"No problem," I replied, leading the way. There was an awkward silence between us for a few moments. Neither of us really wanted to be the one to initiate small talk.
"Been to a game before?" he finally asked.
"Nah, I just see them practicing once in a while when I'm in the area," replied. "What brings you to this game?"
"Oh, well a friend is on the team and I've been meaning to come out and catch a game," he answered.
"Cool," I responded. Another pause.
"So, are you headed to a class?" he asked.
"Nope, I'm done for the day," I said.
"What are you studying? Do you have a major?" he asked.
"English," I replied. "Don't ask what I plan to do with it, because I don't have a clue."
He laughed. "Ok. It's cool."
"Is this your first time here?" I asked. Inside I was screaming at myself. I was shocked. I had never asked someone so many questions before on my own.
"Yeah, how did you know?" he joked with an adorable smile. I smiled back, feeling stupid inside. By then we were close to the field.
"Joel!" someone from outside the dugout called, which caused him to look in that direction. Curiously, I did as well. He waved at the person in a baseball uniform and then turned to me.
"Thanks a lot, it would have taken me hours to find this. I'm no good with maps," he said.
"You're welcome," I said, feeling awkward. "Well, uh… bye. Have fun."
"Yeah, bye," he said with a slight wave and a hint of awkwardness in his voice as well before heading toward the player who had called out to him.
---
"Are you sure my hair looks okay?" Becky asked me as we stood in line outside of the venue later that evening. She had spent hours trying to achieve the "cool and casual" look, which I had a hard time understanding. I thought her hair looked ridiculous, but I politely nodded in response trying to ease her worries. Her very short blonde hair with the occasional red streak in front was parted in the middle and the top was secured close to her head with a billion little clips of all different colors. The back was spiked, which I had determined most likely required at least a whole bottle of styling gel. She wore red and black plaid pants, a black shirt that said "Level 27" on it, a hoodie that said the same thing, and as many bracelets as she could fit onto her wrists.
Never as fashionable as her, or anyone else in attendance that night for that matter, she had insisted that I let her dress me up for the evening so that I wouldn't stick out like a nun at Ozzfest. I felt a little embarrassed at first, but once I looked around at the others in line I was silently thanking her. She had dressed me in a pair of jeans, a studded belt, and a "Made" shirt. I definitely would have looked out of place had I worn what I had originally planned on, which was a long khaki skirt and a simple white v-neck shirt. After much protesting, I finally had gotten my way as far as hair was concerned. I wore my long, dark brown hair parted in the middle and straight, as usual.
After waiting in line for what seemed like forever, and then waiting again once we got inside the arena, the music finally started. I had never heard of the other bands before, and I had to admit that Good Charlotte wasn't all that bad. Not exactly something I saw myself listening to on a regular basis, but not as bad as I was expecting. Well, that is, what I was able to hear over the high pitched screams that surrounded me.
After the concert, Becky went on a mad search for the woman she had met earlier that morning. Just as I was trying to gently tell her that the person was probably fooling with her and beginning to feel sorry for my cousin, she found her and ran toward her. Reluctantly, I followed. Sure enough, we somehow ended up backstage.