My Angel
Chapter 4
By: Bella
I sat in my bed and looked out of my bedroom window. Outside it was raining, there wasn't much sunlight, and it was overcast. You're expecting me to say that it matched my mood, right? Wrong. That was my favorite kind of weather. I hated it when it was sunny and warm. Perhaps it was my laziness. Bad weather is a good excuse to stay in and do nothing. But I had other reasons as well. Something about sunlight made me feel depressed. It was now summer. It didn't look like it outside, thank god, but it actually was. Summers are usually a blur. Wasted time. I was certain that this summer would be no exception. Everything in my life had been so happy for the last couple of months, but I still didn't feel happy inside. It was almost as if I never really truly wanted things to be great. I only thought I did. But inside I knew that I really thought that I didn't even though I thought I thought that I did. Yeah, whatever.
Joel was coming soon. I couldn't remember when, but I knew it was soon. He was on tour, but they would be in the area for a few days and he had promised to spend it with me. I looked over at my alarm clock and it was 12:56pm. Deciding that I had better get up, I threw a sweatshirt on over my flannel pajama pants and tank top and quickly went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I went downstairs and into the kitchen to take my medication and eat breakfast, I saw that my mom had left me a note on the kitchen counter.
"Mari-
We'll be at swim practice this morning and meet Grandpa Jerry during his lunch break. Won't be back until about 2ish, but my cell will be on if you need me. Joel called this morning and said to call him back anytime after 11.
-Mom"
I reached for the phone but it rang at that moment, which startled me. After jumping a bit, I picked it up and answered. It was Joel.
"Hello?"
"Hey you."
"Hey babe, I was just about to call you."
"Did you just now get up?"
"Yeah."
"Lazy!"
"I know, I know. What are you up to?"
The doorbell rang.
"Oh, could you hold on a sec? Someone's at the door."
"Yeah, sure."
I answered the door, and there Joel stood on my porch with his phone to his ear. I leaped into his arms.
---
About 15 minutes later we sat upstairs in my room. I was sitting on my bed picking at my comforter and Joel was on my desk chair playing with a slinky. Finally bored with the slinky, he threw it onto the floor and joined me on the bed. Sighing as he sunk in, he immediately laid back.
"Do you know how long it's been since I've laid in a bed as soft as this?" he asked, sounding blissfully happy.
"Poor baby," I said, laying down as well but onto my side and propping my head up. He rolled onto his side as well so that he was facing me and touched his forehead to mine.
"I missed you," he said sweetly. I couldn't help but smile.
"I missed you too," I said back before leaning in and kissing him. He continued the kiss and there was some moaning going on and then he said it. It was a whisper, but I heard it clearly. "I love you."
I pulled away and looked at him in the eyes. He looked so sincere and frightened at the same time. At that moment I knew that I felt the same way. When I was with him it was an unreal experience that I never wanted to end. Just being in the same room as he was in gave me chills, but not the "crush" kind. I'd never had a boyfriend before, but I'd had crushes and I knew what those felt like. This was more than a crush. I was mad about him. "I love you too."
We kissed again and before I could pull away, his tongue was trying to find its way into my mouth. Not objecting, I opened my lips a little more and allowed it in. It was only the second time that we'd gone this far, so it was fairly new territory to me but I was loving every minute of it. And then I felt his hand started to move toward my stomach and slip under the bottom of my sweatshirt. Not wanting him to feel the cuts on my stomach, I knew I had to stop him.
"Um… my mom and brothers are going to be back soon," I said, breaking out of the kiss and unwrapping myself from the tangle our legs had found themselves in.
"Want to go back to my place?" he asked with a pleading look on his face. I didn't know how I was going to tell him what needed to be said. "Oh well, it's now or never," I thought to myself.
"Hey Joel, can we talk about something?" I asked nervously.
"Okay," he replied, pulling himself up into a sitting position. I did the same and we were sitting side by side with our backs up against my bedroom wall. I took a deep breath.
"I'm a virgin," I admitted, looking at him to see his reaction. I never would have expected his reaction.
"So am I," he said, looking back at me. I was pleasantly surprised and I couldn't help but smile. But there was more.
"And, uh, as you know I have a lot of morals and, uh," I started. I was nervous. "I plan to remain a virgin until marriage."
He didn't say anything for a while, which I must admit freaked me out a little. When he finally did, I was relieved. "Well, that's a respectable thing. And I'm into you, so I think you're worth the wait."
I was shocked. I mean, I was hoping it wouldn't be a problem, but I wasn't exactly expecting it to go over that easy. At that moment I though he was absolutely the most perfect human being I had ever met.
---
Late that afternoon I had to work at my church's child care program during the Wednesday service. I did this every week, and aside from school it was pretty much the only time I left the house on a regular basis with the exception of the occasional errand or to meet Becky or Joel somewhere. I had made plans to meet Joel at the house that he shared with Benji that night, which was just a convenient five minute drive from church. We were going to order pizza and watch a movie together with Paul and his girlfriend who would be coming over not long after I planned to get there. I hadn't met Paul's girlfriend before so I was nervous. I hoped she wouldn't think I was too much of a loser.
When I got to their house, Joel answered the door and gave me a hug and a kiss. We went into his bedroom to listen to music until the others arrived. I had to go to the bathroom and walked down the hall to go. I could hear Benji talking on the phone as I made my way down the hall.
"Billy's gonna meet me there at 9. Yeah, wanna come? Yeah I can pick you up. Uh huh. Uh huh. No, Joel and his weird ass girlfriend are going to chill here or something. Yeah, same chick. She's hella weird, I'm surprised they're still together. She's not his type, but whatever. Yeah man, it's been like 3 months or something. Crazy."
A little hurt, but not really surprised, I quickly went into the bathroom and rushed back into Joel's room. He could tell something was wrong by the look on my face.
"What's the matter?" he asked me with a concerned look.
"Nothing," I lied, walking over to where he sat on a chair near his stereo shuffling through cds. I sat on his lap and laid my head on his shoulder.