Captivated
Chapter 3
By: Bernadette
Benji woke up to the smell of coffee. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked around. He knew Aidan had left the bed which disappointed him. He wanted to wake up and see her. Benji frowned at the emotion. He stretched and sat up. He saw his clothes folded neatly on the corner of the bed. He smiled. He remembered that Aidan hated it when he left stuff laying around. Benji rolled out of bed and pulled on his black dickies, forgetting the rest of his clothes. He headed towards the smell of fresh brewed coffee. He didn't know what time it was, but he knew he was going to need caffeine to make it through the day.
A quick glance around the living room told him Aidan was in the kitchen. He stood in the doorway, silently. His heart seemed to stop as he was faced with her profile. She sat typing furiously on a laptop. She had pulled her long dark brown hair up in a messy bun. He smiled absently when he saw the pink streak she had hidden in the back. It wouldn’t be visible if her hair was left down.
He didn’t want to interrupt her if she was doing something important, so he stood silently waiting for her to finish.
“You can come in,” she told him.
Benji blinked, not realizing she knew the moment he walked into the doorway.
Aidan stopped her typing and looked up at him. “Coffee’s there. I don’t cook, but there’s cereal if you want something to eat,” she told him as she pointed to the coffeepot and the cabinet where the cereal was located.
Benji smiled at her. Coffee in the morning was something he always had to have otherwise he couldn’t function. Aidan knew that. He’d bet his favorite guitar she had his favorite cereal in her cabinet too. “Just coffee,” he said.
Aidan nodded then went back to her laptop. Typing quickly again.
Benji made his coffee the way he liked it and stood drinking it, watching her in curiosity. “What are you doing?” He asked finally, when she hadn’t ceased typing for a few moments.
“Answering emails,” she explained without a pausing in her typing.
Benji remained quiet, as he continued to watch her.
Aidan stopped what she was doing when she realized that maybe he was ready to talk and was waiting for her to pay attention. She sat up straighter and looked at him; waiting for him to speak.
Benji’s arm froze as he brought the coffee mug to his lips. Why is she looking at me like that?
She seemed to be waiting for something. It dawned on Benji what she was waiting for, but he still didn’t want to talk to her about it. He didn’t want her to know. What would happen if she did? How would she react? He pushed her away once, he wasn’t going to do it again. he didn’t need to tell her. Benji didn’t need to tell anyone. He returned her gaze, but remained silent.
Aidan sighed. ”Come here,” she said quietly as she motioned for him to come closer. Aidan knew he wasn’t going to tell her whatever it was that was bothering him. She had to make him see he could. That whatever it was wouldn’t make her see him any different. He would always be her friend.
“You get on the internet much?” She asked as she did some fast clicking using the small mouse pad she had hooked up to the side of her laptop.
Benji shook his head. “No. Joel got us laptops, but I don’t ever use mine. He’s on his all the time. Why?” He asked, almost suspiciously. If she was going to show him something bad he didn’t want to see it.
Aidan laughed. “Calm down. I just want to show you my website,” she explained as she pulled out the chair next to her so he could sit.
Benji smiled as he sat. He figured she probably made a Good Charlotte website and wanted him to see. He stared at the computer screen and was surprised at what he saw. "What's this?" he asked.
Aidan smiled. "It's a site I started after having a conversation with one of the kids I work with. He was one of those kids that are very internet orientated. He spent a lot of time online. He pointed out how there are no sites where he could ask questions about things or get advice. There are plenty for adults seeking help for their kids, but none for kids seeking help for themselves. Originally I built the site for the kids at the center to have a place to go to ask questions or be able to talk to someone without the fear of someone knowing it was them. They go on and pick who they want to talk too. They open up more if they're not face to face and they're not worried about the reaction in someone's face. But the site did so well for the kids and my boss said all the kids said they used the site and felt it was a help to them so he got the money for me to expand and make it available to anyone on the internet who wanted help."
Benji was blown away. He never would have known she could do something like that. "How did that kid like it?" He asked.
Aidan's smile disappeared. "He never got to see it. Two days after he talked to me he got into a car accident and was killed. A drunk driver hit him head on. He died on impact," she explained sadly.
Benji sucked in a breath. "Oh Aid, I'm sorry. When did it happen?"
Aidan looked away. "A year ago."
Benji felt the reality hit him hard. It was right around the time he cut himself off from her. Oh god. she must have been so alone, he thought guiltily.
“Aid, I-”
Aidan waved him off. “Don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. We’ve dealt with it and it’s over. We’re starting new right now. What happened, happened. I’m not gonna hold it against you. So don’t you,” she told him firmly.
Benji didn’t know what to say so he just nodded. He really didn’t deserve a friend like her. Every time it slipped his mind why, she did something new that reminded him of why he loved her as a friend. He knew he’s been harboring his love for her for a long time, but he knew he could never tell her. He didn’t want her to worry about him. He couldn’t tell her what he’s been thinking about for the last five years either. She would be upset. he couldn’t hurt her, not again. He’s done enough to her already. She didn’t need anymore pain in her life.
“Oh Joel called you while you were asleep. He was mad because you didn’t tell him you had left. I promised him you would call when you were up.” She said interrupting his thoughts.
Benji looked at her confused. He knew Joel didn’t know her number. How did he know he was here?
Aidan laughed at his confused expression. “He called your cell phone. I answered because you didn’t hear it go off. He nearly had a heart attack until he realized who I was. You better call him back. He was really worried,” Aidan explained.
Benji nodded. He knew first hand what Joel was like when he was worried. Though he never talked to his twin about what he was really feeling inside Benji knew that his twin could sense something was wrong. Joel always knew when something was wrong with Benji and it was the same for Benji.
“I left your phone on the table next to my bed,” she told him.
Benji nodded and left the kitchen. Benji was aware he and Aidan never spoke about why he came over last night. He prayed she wouldn’t push to know more. He couldn’t tell her now. He desperately wanted someone to talk too. Joel wouldn’t understand, no matter how hard he tried. Benji missed Aidan and seeing her again brought everything about their relationship back. He was overwhelmed by everything they’ve done together as friends. She was always there when he needed someone to talk to. She always seemed to know what to say. He missed that. He called her because he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to reveal all that he felt, but now he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her the truth about anything. She would look at him differently. She would treat him different. He wouldn't be able to stand that. He didn't want her to look at him like he was crazy. No Benji knew he could never tell her.
Aidan watched Benji leave the kitchen. They still hadn't talked about what he was so upset about last night. She knew he wouldn't bring it up otherwise he would have done it already. Something was eating him away inside and he couldn't tell anyone. That hurt Aidan most of all. It was obvious he wanted to talk to someone about it, but felt like he couldn't tell her. She'd bet any money that he hadn't told Joel either. Aidan knew he wouldn't. If he couldn't tell her then he definitely couldn't tell his own twin. She had to keep trying. All she could really do is be there for him and hope he could talk to her.
Aidan sighed. She hated the distance between them. They were comfortable around each other, but there was still something that was keeping them apart. She knew Benji was keeping her out of his head, only she couldn't figure out why. He used to talk to her non-stop. She could barely get two words out of him now.
Benji walked back into the kitchen completely dressed, with his cell phone in hand. "I gotta go. We have this radio interview thing to do. I forgot about it," he explained.
Aidan nodded. "Okay. I'll give you a ride. Let me go throw on some clothes real quick." She said and went past him to her bedroom.
Benji watched her go and felt guilty for lying. He didn't want to lie, but he couldn't face her or the questions she would ask. He needed to get away from her before she had him spilling his guts to her. She can't know the truth about him. He knew it would hurt her and he didn't want to do that to her. She knew him and what he was like. He didn't want to ruin what she thought he was about. Benji knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if she ever looked at him in horror. It would be the end of him if she ever did. As long as she thought he was okay, then he could continue to pretend that he was. It didn't matter if he wasn't okay. It didn't matter if he was slowly dying inside. Benji didn't care if his world was falling apart. As long as he didn't hurt Aidan, then everything was okay.
Aidan reappeared in the kitchen. “Ready?”
Benji nodded and followed her out to her car.
The ride was silent. Benji didn’t really know what to say. He could sense that Aidan was waiting for him to say something. When they pulled up in front of the hotel Aidan looked at him expectantly. She waited for him to move. Benji remained motionless. He looked at her, not sure if he would see her again and he didn’t know what to say.
“You okay?” She asked.
Benji wanted to see her again. He didn’t want this to be the last time he saw her. He didn’t want to spend the night alone. He would have too for the rest of the tour. He wanted to be next to her as much as he could. With Aidan he didn’t feel so alone.
He nodded at her. “Can I come over again tonight?” he asked softly, afraid she would tell him no.
Aidan smiled at him. “Of course. I have to bartend tonight, though. I get off at midnight. Wait, I have a spare key,” she said and reached over him to the glove compartment.
Benji held his breath. Her arm against his leg was causing a rush of emotion to crash through his body and take over his senses. He needed to leave quickly before he did something he would regret.
“Ha! Here it is,” she pulled out a key and handed it to him. “Go over when ever you want. I should be home sometime after midnight,” she told him.
Benji took it quickly. He unlocked his door and climbed out. “Hey Benj!” She called out.
He looked back at her.
Aidan smiled. “Don’t forget to do your hair,” she reminded him. “Bye, Benji.” she said and drove off.
Benji watched until her car disappeared from is view.