Captivated
Chapter 4
By: Bernadette
It has been the same for the last two days. Benji went over to Aidan's apartment and slept beside her at night. Holding her as if he wouldn't live to see her the next day. The next morning Aidan drove him back to the hotel because he had radio interviews to do. He still hadn't told her what was bothering him and Aidan could tell it was getting worse. She had a bad feeling that when the band moved on with the tour he would get worse. The days flew by faster than she wanted them too. Aidan hated it because her time with Benji was rapidly coming to an end. Soon he would be gone and she wouldn't be close enough for him to reach out too when he wanted. Aidan was afraid of what that would do to him.
The morning of the fourth day was the same as the others. Only instead of saying bye and climbing out quickly Benji paused. "Can you come to the show tonight?" he asked her hopefully.
Aidan's heart plummeted. "Oh Benji I wish I could, but I can't. I have to bartend tonight. I'll go in and see if they can spare me, but I can't promise anything," she told him feeling guilty. She knew he wanted her there.
Benji nodded his understanding. "I left the ticket on your dresser just in case. And a backstage pass too. The show doesn't end until around midnight. If you can leave early try to come."
"I'll try Benji. I really will," she promised him. She gave him a sideways hug and watch as he climbed out of her car.
Benji stood back and waited for her to drive away before entering the hotel. He hoped she could make it to the show. He really wanted her there. He knew he should have told her about it before so she might have a better chance of going, but he had been afraid. All sorts of emotions were swirling around in his head and her attending the show had been the last thing on his mind.
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Benji eyed the empty seat all through the opening acts. He stood off to the side, telling himself it would be no big deal if Aidan didn't make it. Though he knew he was lying to himself. He wanted her to see them. He wanted to show her what he had accomplished with his life. If she ever did know what he was really feeling she wouldn't be too horrified at what he's thought about himself.
The house lights went on when the last opening act finished and ran off stage past Benji. The seat remained empty. It would remain empty all through out the concert. He asked the guards to make sure no one tried to steal her seat. Benji gave the seat one more look before turning away and made his way back to the dressing room he shared with his twin.
Quietly he entered the dressing room with his head down. He didn’t bother to contemplate why the lights would be off. He flipped on the light without a second thought and headed over to the counter in front of the mirror. Looking for the wristband he remembered seeing there the night before.
He didn’t notice Aidan asleep on the small couch in the room. He stood in front of the mirror and mumbled to himself, ”stupid thing. I know it’s here.”
Benji glanced up in the mirror and saw Aidan’s reflection. He gasped in shock. He rushed over to her side quickly to hug her because he was so happy she could be there. Only he stopped himself at the last moment before waking her.
There was a knock at the door then that startled him and made him rush back across the room. He didn’t want whomever it was to wake her up. Benji pulled it open quickly before they could knock again. He came faced with his twin.
Joel’s eyes widened at his brother. “Dude! We’ve been lookin all over for your ass. Where have you been?” He demanded.
Benji just shrugged. No reason to tell Joel he had been pining away, hoping Aidan would show.
“Well Aidan’s here,” he added unnecessarily. “She got here before the opening acts started. She said she had a headache so I let her sleep in here. But she wanted me to wake her up when we were about to go on,” Joel told his brother.
Inside Benji was ecstatic that she had been here the whole time. On the outside Benji made sure his twin couldn’t guess his emotions. He just nodded. “I’ll wake her up. Thanks Joel,” he said quietly.
Joel seemed to open his mouth to say something, but changed his mind. He just nodded. “We’ll be backstage. Five minutes,” was all he said and was gone.
Benji closed the door and turned back to face Aidan. He walked over and kneeled beside her head. “Aid, time to wake up,” he said gently. He wanted to wake her, but not scare her awake.
Aidan stirred and then groaned as she stretched. Benji sucked in a breath as her t-shirt lifted to reveal just a glimpse of her bare belly button.
“Joel, you find Benji yet? I wanna say hi before you guys go on,” she said stiffly as she struggled through a yawn.
Benji remained quiet and waited for her to open her eyes to see him.
Aidan opened her eyes and blinked when she saw him. “Hey. I was looking for you,” she said as she sat up.
Benji moved to sit next to her. He gave her a sideways hug. “Thanks for coming,” he said softly.
Aidan smiled. “It was actually pretty easy. Turns out my boss’s daughter is a huge fan. So if you guys hook me up with an autograph for Lacy we’re even,” she said in amusement.
Benji smiled at her. A real smiled Aidan notice. The first one she’s seen since she saw him four days ago. “All right. I gotta go. We’re about to go on. Don’t leave after the show. Come back here,” he told her.
Aidan nodded as he stood and made his way to the door. She followed him, knowing she needed to get to her seat. She turned to face him. "All right Benj. I'll see ya. Have a good show," she told him and kissed his cheek before taking off quickly.
Benji froze at the contact of her lips. It took all of his self-control not to grab her and kiss her properly. His whole body shuddered at the thought of her lips beneath his own. Benji didn't think he could handle it if she kissed him again. After a moment of collecting his thoughts Benji made his way back stage to where his brother and band mates stood, ready to perform.
"Damn Benj, take five years why don't cha!" Joel snapped mockingly.
Benji glared at his twin. Joel just smiled. "Is Aidan at her seat now? Can we go on now?" He asked, already knowing what his twin had been taking his time for.
Benji gave a slight smile at the mention of Aidan's name and nodded.
Joel as well as the Paul and Billy were taken back. They haven't seen Benji's smile reach his eyes in a long time. There was a glimpse of the old Benji there. They all saw it. Joel knew it was because of Aidan. Joel knew his brother has been struggling to get through something, but was having a hard time. Joel tried to talk to Benji about it, but his twin always blew him off. Joel knew it was slowly eating away at benji and he hated that he couldn't do anything. Joel had never been so happy to see someone in his whole life when Aidan called out Benji's name at the Hard Rock four days ago. These past four days with her seemed to help Benji in a lot of ways. Joel only hoped it would be enough. The band would be leaving LA the next afternoon. Joel wondered how Benji would react when he’s faced with leaving Aidan behind. He got the feeling it wouldn’t be good.
“…Joel!” Billy shouted.
Joel snapped out of his thoughts. He looked around and saw them all waiting on him. He walked over and stood behind his twin. The house lights went black and Good Charlotte entered the stage.
The crowd went wild once the venue went dark. Benji’s heart pounded furiously. He was always a bit nervous right before a show, but today was different. Today Aidan would be watching him. Benji was suddenly self-conscious of how he acts on stage. In the dark he took his place in front of the microphone. Now that he thought about it even more he wished he hadn't given her a seat in front of him either.
There was a roar, as the crowd grew more and more excited, knowing they were about to start.
Benji heard Paul start off the beginning of Lifestyles and quickly relaxed, the familiar beat making him comfortable. Once the lights came on Benji braved a glance at Aidan. He wished he hadn't because once he did he couldn't look away. Watching her watch him play entranced him.
After a couple of songs he realized she only sang along when he was singing. She knew all his parts. He was already hot from playing under so many spotlights and sweating because of the hat he wore. But his body grew even hotter knowing Aidan was only singing along with him and not with Joel like the rest of the fans. It felt like she was psychically touching him. It was somehow intimate. Benji faltered slightly in his singing, but caught himself before it registered to anyone.
Aidan noticed. She smirked at him, letting him know she knew he messed up.
Then Benji felt guilty, like she could read his thoughts. He closed his eyes for a moment; to try and break the spell Aidan had him under. He opened his eyes and Benji knew no matter what he did Aidan would always have the power to make him feel the way he did. She always did. He tried to move on from the crush he developed on her in high school, but Benji knew it had only grown stronger. A dark cloud loomed over Benji. He knew he could never tell her. She would only feel sorry for him. Especially if she knew what he's been keeping hidden from her. He didn't want her pity. He liked having her as a friend. Benji didn't know what he would do if he ever lost that.
It was in that moment Benji realized that they were leaving the next day and he couldn't take Aidan with him. Benji could feel it as his world came crashing down around him, but he continued to play his guitar. He would again be alone with no one who could understand him, but he kept on entertaining the fans. How was he going to make it through the rest of the tour without her to go see after the day was over? Every night Benji wanted to cry himself to sleep, but couldn't because he didn’t want Joel to know. Finally Benji looked away from Aidan. He couldn't look at her anymore. He was all messed up. He wasn't good enough to look at her anymore.
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Aidan watched Benji play was still amazed as the first time she heard him. She hasn't seen him perform since she left Waldorf. She always loved his voice. He always revealed so much of himself when he played. The part he keeps hidden is visible if you knew how to look.
Aidan noticed the change in him almost immediately. She saw it as his eyes clouded over. She felt the sadness sweep through him and devour him completely. Aidan knew few steps he had taken in her direction were now gone. He stood before her on stage in the same state as he did on her doorstep four days ago. Aidan knew whatever it was that had him doubting himself, had implemented itself back inside his heart full force. It hurt her just as much as him because being his friend wasn't enough. Unfortunately it never was.
For the first time in her life Aidan couldn't watch Benji play anymore. She stood quickly and left her seat. She started to leave the venue as well, but then remembered his request for her to stay. She stood undecided for a few minutes before making the decision to wait after all. He may want comfort like he did that first night. Aidan knew she would give it to him, even if it wouldn't help.
She wondered backstage until she found the dressing room Joel had let her use earlier. She settled into the small couch and waited. She sat thinking about Benji and how afraid she was for him. How could she help him from so far away? Aidan's heart ached because she knew how Benji would handle it. He would push her away again and pretend he wasn't suffering. She couldn't help him if he didn't want it. Aidan learned a lot from working with teens over at the youth center. No matter how much you want to help, you can't unless they take the first step and ask for it. All you can do is show them that it's okay to ask for help.
Aidan hoped Benji would be able too. It hurt her just as much to see him suffering and trying to keep it locked away. She was afraid of what would happen when he couldn't do it anymore. There were very few outcomes and Aidan was deathly afraid of the one Benji would choose.