Captivated
Chapter 7
By: Bernadette
In the lobby Aidan was reacquainted with Billy, Paul and Chris. They all piled onto the tour bus to head over to the venue they would be playing at. When they arrived Aidan was sleeping in Benji's bunk. He left her there intending to come back and get her after sound check.
He was the last one off the bus. He stayed behind to watch her sleep some more. He felt bad for being so selfish. All he wanted was for her to be there. He didn't care if it would disrupt her life, all Benji cared about was having Aidan next to him and near him. He wanted to tell her so much, but he couldn't. How could he lay all his problems on her shoulders when she's finally broken free from her own? He couldn't do that to her. Benji loved her too much. She deserves someone better. Benji knew he wasn't good enough for her. He was all fucked up. Aidan deserved someone normal. Some guy who leads a normal life. A guy who won't be on the road six months out of the year and has to call her to keep his sanity. A guy who can handle his problems like a normal person. Aidan didn't need someone like him.
Benji sighed softly to himself. He was back to where he started and he hated it. Why couldn't he be normal, at least for Aidan? Benji left the bus deep in thought. He didn't notice that his twin was watching and waiting for him to leave.
---
Joel entered the bus quietly and quickly. He didn't want Benji to look back and see him get on the bus. He didn't want Benji to know he was going to see Aidan. He pushed back the curtain and exposed Aidan's sleeping form to his view. Fuck!
He didn't want to wake her up, but he needed to talk to her. Joel stood there staring at her until he heard someone opening the door to the bus. Joel panicked. He pushed the curtain back and rushed to the lounge in the back, pretending to be looking through the massive CD collection. That was his whole purpose the entire time; at least Joel kept trying to tell himself.
Joel rummaged around trying to figure out what CD he should be looking for.
"Joel?"
Joel turned around and was faced with his brother. Oh fuck! He doesn't look happy to see me either. He knows.
"Hey Benj. I was looking for a CD. What's up?" Joel said nonchalantly. Joel raised an eyebrow at the look Benji was giving him.
"What?"
"Nothing. Just keep it down. Aidan's still sleeping."
"I guess I'll head back. You comin?" Joel asked as he walked towards his brother and tried to maneuver past him, but Benji blocked his way.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Benji asked.
Joel froze. Oh shit! Joel just looked at him questioningly.
"The CD you were looking for," Benji pointed out.
Joel almost sighed out loud in relief, but stopped himself. "Naw, it doesn't matter now anyway. We're about to do sound check. It'll just throw me off. See ya later Benj," Joel said and slipped past his brother. Calmly Joel stepped off the bus. If he ran Benji would suspect something. Joel closed the door behind him and let out a deep breath. It had been a little too close for him. He had to be more careful.
---
Benji stared at the door that Joel disappeared through and then looked back at the curtain that hide Aidan from his view. He frowned as his mind came up with dozens of reasons of why Joel was lying about wanting a CD. Benji could tell when his twin was lying. What the fuck is Joel doing? He better not be trying to get at Aidan. I swear to god I'll kill him...
Benji focused on the curtain and let his anger fade. He pushed it back quietly so he could see her. Benji stayed and watched her sleep until he had to go onstage to do sound check. He couldn't be away from her, not when she was so close. Benji knew he was only making it harder on himself. It felt like Aidan was the only thing he had to keep him alive, even if he ended up hurting her again.
Benji swore to himself he wouldn't hurt her anymore, but he knew he would break that promise. He was too selfish to do anything else. He pushed her away the first time for her sake. Now he would do it again, but for his own sake.
Benji couldn't watch as her love for him as friends slowly deteriorated into sorrow and pity, as he knew it would. That was the only way for her to respond. The natural reaction is to feel pity, then feel sorry. At first she would help because she is his friend, then she would only stick around because she would feel sorry for him.
After time sympathy would turn into hate. She would eventually grow to hate him because of all he's done to her. She would hate all the emotions he made her feel. The last thing Benji wanted is to see in Aidan's eyes is anger because of something he could have prevented.
Tears filled Benji eyes as he watched her even breathing. Baby I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I have to do this to you again. God I'm so sorry for everything. Benji leaned down and kissed her lips gently so as not to wake her. He left the bus, leaving Aidan to sleep.
Benji walked with a purpose, Right now only one thing could ease the pain he was feeling; at least for a little while. Benji was so intent on his upcoming task he never saw Joel backtrack to the bus.
---
Joel entered the bus with a strange feeling. As he walked further in he saw the curtain that hide Aidan earlier was now open, but she was still asleep. He knew something was terribly wrong with his brother and he knew he needed Aidan to tell him what it was. Joel knew she knew because otherwise she wouldn't have flown so far for Benji.
Gently he shook her. "Aid? Wake up. I need your help." Joel hated to do this to her, but he had no other choice. He wasn't going to lose his brother, not now.
"Aid, come on, wake up." He shook her once more and waited patiently as she rubbed her eyes and slowly climbed off the bunk.
Aidan stood and looked at Joel. It was like looking at younger version of Benji, when he was still in high school. For a brief moment it threw Aidan off. That is until she saw the look in Joel's eyes. "Where's Benji?" She asked worriedly.
Joel shrugged. "He left a couple of minutes ago. I need to talk to you," he said seriously.
Aidan looked at him and waited.
Joel looked at her and he didn't even need to speak. He already knew the answer to what he was going to ask. It was all there in her face.
Aidan knew Joel finally understood everything. Tears filled Aidan's eyes. "Oh god Joel, we're losing him. I've tried but it's not enough. You know now, don't you? You know what I'm talking about, don't you?" Aidan cried out as if in pain as the tears streamed down her face.
Clarity hit him like a heat wave. Everything Benji has been going through ricochet throughout Joel's body, causing him to drop to his knees. He let out a howl of extreme pain because he didn't want it to be true. This was his brother, his twin, and his other half.
The cry pierced Aidan's soul. She kneeled down next to Joel and hugged him, to comfort him. To learn something like that about your family is hard to take. Aidan knew as she had witnessed it so many times at the center she worked at.
"Where is he Joel? We need to find him," Aidan said urgently. She was getting the same uneasy feeling as Joel had and knew something was terribly wrong. They needed to find Benji and quickly.
Joel stood up quickly and rushed off the bus, screaming his brother's name the whole way.
Aidan followed. She knew that what was going to transpire between the brothers was going to be very emotional and dramatic. She had to be sure they talked to each other and not fight.
Joel ran into the venue with Aidan close behind him. He ran for the dressing room first, knowing it would be the only place Benji would find solitude. At the door Aidan grabbed a hold of Joel's hand and squeezed it tight to let him know he wasn't doing this alone.
Joel opened the door and pulled Aidan in right behind him. He was afraid to let go of her hand; afraid of what he would find. Suddenly Joel was afraid of his own brother. They both scanned the room and found it empty.
Aidan pointed at the closed bathroom door and Joel rushed forward without a second thought. His only thought was to save his twin. Aidan was still dragged behind him since Joel refused to let go of her hand. Joel opened the door only to find Benji sitting on the floor in his boxer shorts with a knife in his hand. Tears were streaming down Benji's face.
"Benji! NO!" Joel shouted.
Benji looked up and all he saw was Joel holding Aidan's hand. Benji let out a scream in pain just as Joel had done earlier. He slashed at his thigh with the knife, not caring that his twin now knew part of his secret.
Joel was so shocked he couldn't move, but Aidan could.
Aidan dived down and attempted to grab the knife from Benji, but he jerked away and ending up slicing Aidan's hand in the process.
Aidan yelled out at the sudden stinging and pain.
Joel reacted to Aidan's cry. "Benji! Fuck!" Joel yelled.
Benji froze as he saw the blood drip from Aidan's hand. He couldn't move. All he could do was stare.
Joel looked around and grabbed two towels. He tossed one to Benji and turned to Aidan. He wrapped her hand while his own were shaking. Aidan covered his hands with her uninjured one. Joel looked into her eyes.
"I'm fine. Check Benji," She said.
Joel turned to face his twin, who still held the knife in his hand. "Benji give me the knife," he said as he reached for it.
Benji looked at his brother and then at the sharp metal in his hand. Suddenly it hit Benji what he had done, and he dropped it as if it were a foreign object. Benji looked over at Aidan fearful. He ruined everything, once again. He hurt her in the worst way. How could he do that? She was his savior she didn't deserve that.
NO! Benji thought violently. I don't deserve her. Why wouldn't she want Joel? He's perfect for her. No piercings. He's only got a couple of tattoos. Joel's not fucked up in the head like me. They would make the perfect couple. I knew she would never want me.
Benji stared in Aidan's direction, but wasn't focusing on her features. All he could see was the pain he caused her. He couldn't see anything through his tears. All he could see was the white blur of the towel that covered her hand.