Noise and Kisses
Chapter 1
By: Bex
Benji sat, biting his lips in an attempt to block out her winces and cries from the other room. It was taking every ounce of strength in his body not to rush to the room, throw open the door and snatch her away from all the pain. Rescue her from all the hurt and all the darkness he knew was looming over her tiny body.
"Owwww." Her soft raspy Marlboro voice slipping under the closed bathroom door and meeting his ears. Placing his white knuckled fist against his pierced lips, Benji placed a finger between his teeth and bit down. He had to do something to stop from going crazy.
"Izzy." Benji called, his voice almost failing him as he walked as slowly as possible to the tall white door. Three inches of wood, a few brass screws and tiny plates of metal. That was all that was separating him from her. A thin white door, but right then it felt like the great wall of China. A looming wooden gate stopping him from getting anywhere close to her. "Izzy that's enough."
"Hold on." Her voice a whisper over the running water of the faucet she had suddenly turned on. Resting his aching forehead against the wooden door locking him from touching her, Benji had to resist the urge to break the door down. He had agreed to this, but just barely. He knew it made her happy, but he knew how much it was hurting her as well. She had promised it would only happen sporadically, only when she needed it. The look in her eyes earlier that night had told him she needed this, but now he was having second thoughts.
"Izzy." He began, recoiling as the door swung out from underneath of his head. Lowering his eyes to meet her cloudy blue gaze, he shook his head slowly."Thank you." She murmured, lifting her tiny body to tiptoes as she pressed her moist salmon colored lips to his chapped red kiss. "This is getting out of control Izz." Benji sighed, allowing her little hand to clasp around his calloused fingertips as she lead him to their unmade bed. "No more of this ok?"
"I know Benji." She whispered, crawling under the covers as she slipped her shirt over top of her purple haired head. Long red slits lined her stomach, deep red furrows and fresh red gashes Benji knew she had caused only moments before. "This is the last time I promise." Her impish grin almost infectious as Benji crawled into bed besides her. Slinking his hand against her raw belly, Benji winced almost as openly as she did.
"Promise?" He asked, pulling her naked back against his equally bare chest.
"Promise." She whispered, wrapping her hand around his once more. "Last time." She nodded, burying her face into the pillow before her. "I promise."
---
She was shivering, that's what had woken him from his death like sleep. Soft tiny shakes of her back against his belly as he lifted his heavy eyes to focus on the ceiling before him. Every thing was black and he didn't know where he was until he felt her against his arm. There she was, curled against him, his light at the end of the tunnel as he curled his form against hers. Even in the dark he knew just where she was, just how perfectly against him, just how she whimpered in her sleep as he buried his stubbly face against her back.
That's when he noticed it. The tiny scratches tickling against his fingertips as they nuzzled into the dip of her hips. Minuscule scabs in perfectly lined patched on her legs, scabs just barely healing as he jerked his hand away as fast as he could. He hated that about her, the only thing he could find to dislike in his earth angel, she was fallible and she was tainted. The scars on her body were bright red stop signs at every turn and he couldn't get up the nerve to go past them.
Pressing two dry chapped lips to her shaking back, he noticed how quickly she calmed. Her skin was warm and she wasn't shivering from lack of warmth, she was shivering from lack of him. That's just how she was, just how they both were. The only comfort either truly found was in each other and he wasn't sure if that was such a good thing or not.
Curling his arm across her tiny belly, he resisted the urge to pull away as he felt the nights release of blood on his arm. The wounds were still fresh and so were the tears lining her cheeks.
"Izzy?" Benji's voice still choked by sleep as he struggled to find his words. "Isabelle, are you awake?"
"No." She sighed cryptically, her hands finding his as she lifted them from her skin lined with red gashes. She couldn't stand the thought of him touching her scars, the thought of him touching something that close to her insides. "Have I ever been?"
"Why are you crying baby?" He asked, propping himself on one shaking tattooed elbow as he gazed down into her tear marked eyes. "Did you have a nightmare or something?"
"No." She shook her head slowly, side to side her eyes still locked on his. "I can't have a nightmare, I live in one."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He snapped, forgetting who he was talking to. It was always eggshells when one was walking around Izzy, even the slightest of steps could make her break.
"Nothing." She breathed, her mouth finding his wrist as she kissed it softly. His pulse beating against her lips as she looked back up at his angry eyes. The red glow of the 3:00 AM alarm clock the only light illuminating his face as he lay above her. "It didn't mean anything, I'm tired."
"Jesus Izz." Benji shook his head, tugging his arm away from her as gently as possible as he rolled onto his side away from her face and her crying eyes.
"Benji...." She sighed, reaching for him but coming up with little more than tuffs of blanket as he curled his arms against his empty chest. He wasn't holding her, he was holding himself as he stared at the blank wall before him. "I wasn't trying to say anything about you."
"Well, how the fuck is that supposed to make me feel huh?" Benji cried, the late hours and lack of sleep adding to his anger as he spun to look at her. "Your life is a nightmare? Well, I'm a part of it then aren't I? What the hell does that say?" He hissed, his voice and his mood deflating almost immediately as he noticed her cowering position on the bed. She had literally curled herself as far away from him as physically possible, her eyes filling with unshed tears as she watched him like a deer in the head lights.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as he shook his head and ran a hand through his sloppy now bleached blonde hair.
"Izz, no I'm sorry." He sighed, dropping his eyes in shame as he put his hands out to her. "I'm sorry honey I shouldn't have yelled at you. Come here." He whispered, caving at the site of her crawling to him across the mattress.
"I didn't mean you were a nightmare. I love you." She murmured, her voice muffled by his skin as she kissed against his neck. "I don't even know what I mean half of the time."
"I know." He nodded, and he did. Many nights he had woken to her murmuring half coherent sentences against his ear only to ask her later and receive little more than a confused, "I don't know." "It's all right. It's going to be all right."
"Yeah?" She asked, looking up at him with the most hopeful gaze he had seen line her face in quite some time.
"Yeah." He nodded, praying that he wasn't lying to her right then. He couldn't afford for him to be lying right then, neither of them could.