Noise and Kisses
Chapter 3
By: Bex
The radio was blaring so loud he could hear it outside as he jumbled with his keys. A month of living in the house and he still couldn't figure out which went to which door or even if they went to a door at all. "Izzy..." Benji trailed off lovingly, glancing back to the empty curb as he fumbled with the door. The bouquet of roses in his hand was not making the attempt any easier, but Benji persisted, flipping the door open in one swift motion.
He wanted to surprise her, as cheesy as it was, he wanted to give her the flowers to show her how proud he was. Earlier that morning she had sat back in quiet resolve to the fact that things would start a new for her. Not a sound, not a tear, not even a quiet plea for him to save her shrine of razors and broken glass. Not so much as a sound except the quiet exhale of breath as he walked out of the door. It was almost as if she had accepted it, almost as if she had welcomed it.
He was so proud of her, and of her new life. He knew deep down that she could have done it all along, all she needed was him by her side and she could do anything.
"Izzy?" He called, a smile plastered on his face as punk rock songs played on the radio. He wanted to surprise her, wanted to sneak up on her and drape her in his arms with kisses on her neck and whispers in her ears. He wanted to give her the flowers and watch the smile play on her soft pink lips. He could almost hear her voice now
"Benj..." That soft breathless groan, the one she let out each time he was inside of her. He could almost smell her skin and taste her kiss as he stepped towards their room.
"Izzy baby I'm home." He was like a child anticipating presents at Christmas time he was so excited. The thought of her in his arms safe and secure was almost too perfect to bear. But bare it he did, he wanted nothing more than to drown in her arms and her love. "Iz where are you?" Pushing open the cracked bedroom door he couldn't wait to take her in his arms and hold her there until the sun rose with them. "Izzy?"
He had wanted to surprise her, but just like everything else in life his plans did not go accordingly. He had wanted it to be a surprise, but in the end he would be the one in for a shock all his own.
***
It was loud and it was busy, but the smell was the worst. Joel had whispered something about it being a clean smell earlier, but Benji couldn't understand how something that bitter could be clean smelling. Izzy's neck as he nuzzled into it right after she stepped out of the shower, that was a clean smell. This however seemed to be the smell of waste, the smell of unhappiness, the smell of death and it was all around him.
"Benji...." Joel sighed, placing a hand on his brother’s cold shoulder as he leaned forward in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Earlier that day Benji had called his cell phone in such hysterics that Joel felt as if his heart had stopped at just the sound of his brother’s voice. The tears had been so thick, the desperation so present that Joel's heart had literally frozen in place at the sound. "Benji I'm sure she's all right."
"You didn't see her Joel." Benji's eyes locked on the starch white tiles before him. "You didn't see her Joel. She was so cold when I held her. And the blood. How could she have all of that in her?" His words a jumble of nonsensical thoughts as Joel absently squeezed his brother’s shoulders. It was all he could do, it was all anyone could do to ease the wait. It had been over an hour now since they had arrived at the hospital, an hour of agonizing waiting in an unfamiliar hospital with unfamiliar walls.
"It'll be ok Benj. I promise you it will." Joel sighed, his brother’s eyes trailing to his for the first time since he had seen him that day.
"Will it?" Benji asked, his voice never sounding as lost as it did just then. "It has to be." He nodded with a new resolve as he shook off his brother’s soft squeeze. "If it isn't I don't know what I'll do."
"Don't say that." Joel begged more than ordered. He hated seeing his brother like this, hating him looking this lost. "Please."
"Its true." Benji nodded, his fingers rubbing his temples the way Izzy would have had she been there. "If she isn't ok, if this isn't ok.... I don't know what I'll do."