Irreversible Mistake
Chapter 3
By: Complicated
It had been a few days and I hadn't seen any of the members of GC. I wasn't quite sure if I was avoiding them or if they were avoiding me. I was upset, I didn't know what was going on and I hated not knowing. It would've been easier if they would've just told me that they no longer wanted us to be friends.
I was walking home from work when I was tugged into an entrance to a nearby building. My first instinct was to yell but I instinctively knew the hands holding me by the waist, against the brick wall.
" Tanya," said a voice barely above a whisper. He lifted his head and underneath his hoodie I saw the brown eyes that I had secretly been wishing to see.
" Benji," I sighed, with a smile. " You scared the shit outta me, what are you doing?"
" I'm sorry," he said avoiding my eyes. " I didn't mean to scare you. I just... I wanted to apologize for the other night. Paul told me I was a mess and that I might've said things to you that I shouldn't have said."
" Benj," I say gently. I slowly bring my hand to his face, tilting his eyes back to mine. " You were upset and that's okay. You didn't do anything bad except have one too many drinks. Stop hanging with Johnny Walker." He smiled and then he laughed and I felt good. Really good.
" I am sorry, though, and I am sorry that Joel was banging on your door and I am so sorry we've been avoiding you the past few days. " I pulled him into a hug.
" You guys are my friends there is no need to apologize, I still love all of you, that hasn't changed. In a way I think I was kinda avoiding you guys." And Benji didn't say anything he just held me close to him and I felt safe and warm. Most importantly I was glad it was him and I wasn't wishing it was Joel. " C'mon you." And we parted, I slid my hand in his and we walked down the block.
Things quickly went back to normal. The band was leaving in 2 days and we hung out as much as possible. After being around each other constantly for 8 months, almost 3 months apart would be strange. Me and Paul were sitting on my couch playing Play station when he asked me a question that was a long time in the making.
" Tanya, " he said not taking his eyes of off the screen. " Tell me, if you trust me, what exactly is your deal with the twins?" I paused the game and turned to look at him.
" What do you mean?" I knew exactly what he was talking about but I was trying really hard to stall. He gave me his famous 'don't bullshit' look, so I knew better than to procrastinate. " Paul, I'm going to tell you a story, ok? Then you tell me what you think of me and the twins. You would've hated me in high school, all of you would. I was Ms. Popularity. I had long curly hair, a piercing free face. I looked like a porcelain doll. I was captain of the cheerleading squad, I was a track star, I mean I wore a fuckin' lettermen. I was on the academic teams because I could do that and still be cool. I was class president and I drove a convertible. Oh and lets not forget homecoming and prom queen. I lived that life that you guys avidly sing against. I even dated the star quarter back. What do you guys hate the most? Posers, right? That's what I was in high school, I tried with all my might to be accepted and I was. It was very easy, to be popular with a pretty face. I hated it. I wanted to wear sweats and t-shirts and sneakers to school. I wanted to rock out, to the music I secretly loved. I wanted to be a unique an individual. To all my so called friends I was, I mean, I played the piano, I took dance lessons, I used to draw, all this while keeping a 4.0 that my father didn't buy for me. To them this was something out of this world. Do you think I haven't heard what the twins say about posers and people who aren't true to themselves?" Paul just looked at me, he was listening intently.
" What happened after high school?" he asked.
" I grew up," I replied. " First, I declined my acceptance to Yale. Then I had to deal with my father, he was very, very mad. He told me he would not support me, so I applied to IAR, then I sold my car and decided on moving to the big apple. I emptied out my bank account and moved here. I cut off all my hair as you can see, I died it red and several other colors. I got pierced and tattooed what I always wanted. And I began my own life. Living by my own rules."
" I am still lost," sighed Paul. " Are you scared of what the twins think of your background? Who the fuck cares? I am asking you what you think of them, and just so you know, I cannot believe that you ever wore a letterman."
" I did. I'll show you pictures. But... the twins... ayyy, I don't know. Two identical faces and two completely different souls. Joel... I dunno, I think he's gorgeous and he can be funny. But that's all I know I mean we don't have too many spiritual conversations. But Benj, he um... he's smart and funny and sweet and caring....and, oh, I don't know."
" Oh, boy, such a good explanation," teased Paul, causing me to laugh.
The morning that the boys were scheduled to leave was a day that I nor they will ever forget. I was standing with them at the airport when, Joel asked to talk to me. We walked away from the group and I turned to him.
" What's up, cutie?," I ask him with a grin. My face shows none of the nervousness that lies beneath. I still couldn't get over the beauty of his face.
" I need to ask you something that seems a bit odd but, but I need for you to do me this big favor, ok?" His dark eyes were pleading and I found that strange. He almost seemed desperate. Little did I know that I made him as nervous as he made me. " If Benji, or Paul, or even Billy asks you to come out and join us on this Warped Tour say no, please say no."
" What," I asked confused. " I'm confused, please explain this to me." Joel sighed.
" Don't, if you are asked to meet up with us, just say no. It'll work out for the best I promise you. It's just since that night that Benji got drunk it's been weird between us and I don't want to make them uncomfortable. In simplest terms, I don't want you around." My heart broke.
" So, you want me to stay away from you guys because I make you uncomfortable..." He cut me off.
" I ask you as more than just a friend please don't come out , just don't," he leaned in close and kissed the side of my mouth, my knees shaking, I thought I would collapse. And with that Joel turned and walked away. And now I was beyond confused, I slowly made my way back to the boys. I had barely gotten back, when Benji pulled me away.
" This is going to make no sense," he mumbled, " but I don't want to miss you. I've grown attatched to you. Meet us in California, in a week."
" What," I awed, " you want me to do what exactly?"
" Meet us in California, in a week, I already talked to the rest of the guys, they want you there too." I didn't know what to say, I could see Joel's' eyes over Benji's shoulder. Before I could say anything, we heard a boarding call. And in a frenzy and a blur, the boys were gone, and I ......I was torn. Whom would I listen to? Benji or Joel?