Irreversible Mistake
Chapter 4
By: Complicated
I spent the week in turmoil. How the hell was I supposed to decide what to do? I called my mom and all of my friends and no one had any advice to give me. It was to no avail. For the first time in my life I had no freaking idea of what I was going to do. I felt that either way I was going to end up making a mistake. The day before I was supposed to fly out, I had a half of my suitcase packed. I kept packing it and unpacking it, I was completely lost. Was it more important to me to make Joel happy? But then that would make Benji upset and that wasn't a step I was ready to make. As much as I wanted to make Joel comfortable, I didn't think it was worth hurting Benji.
The day I was supposed to leave to California was an unnerving one. My flight was supposed to leave at two in the afternoon. I was at the airport at noon. I wanted to leave, I wanted to please Benji. But then again, I couldn't let Joel's' request go either. At 1:30 there was a boarding call, I rose to my feet but didn't move. My eyes watered over but I didn't board the plane. And little did I know, that Benji was waiting for me. He waited and waited. And I broke his heart. My cell rang like five hundred times. But I couldn't pick it up, what would I say? It hit 7 and I was still sitting at the airport, I still wanted to get on a flight to Cali. The last flight left at 7:45, I still had time. I glanced to the left to see a group of little kids sitting in a circle. They kind of reminded me of the boys and me. A little blond haired girl stood up, the little boy next to her following suit. Yet the boy to her left held her hand. So, she sat back down and the other little boy with tears in his eyes walked away. I looked back at the little girl, she was being ignored by the same boy who held her hand. And that helped me make my decision. " I'm going," I sighed out loud and hoped that there was still an open seat on the flight.
At three in the morning I was climbing into a cab. I knew where the hotel was, I just needed to find out what room Benj was in. I pulled out my cell phone and called Paul.
" Hello," said a mumbled voice.
" Paul," I said gently.
" Tanya, what's wrong? Are you ok?," he asked suddenly very awake.
" Calm down," I smiled, " I'm ok, I just need to know Benji's room number."
" Why don't you just call his cell?" I could tell that Paul was know sitting up.
" Because I want to know where I'm going," I explained trying to pull my hair into a ponytail. " Paul, I'm here, I'm in LA. I'm on my way to the hotel."
" What?" awed Paul. " Benji was really upset that you didn't show, we all were. And now you're telling me that you are here? Did you miss your flight? We tried calling you, why didn't you call me sooner. I woulda...."
" Paul!," I laughed interrupting him. " Listen we will talk tomorrow. Just tell me Benji's room number, please."
" Ok, he's in room 1117," sighed Paul.
" Thank you," I grinned.
" Your welcome," replied Paul.
Twenty minutes later I was tugging my suitcase down the hallway towards Benji's room. My heart was racing. I reached the door, took a deep breath, and lightly knocked. There was no answer, I knocked again.
" What?!," called back Benji's muffled voice. "It's fucking almost four in the morning!"
" Benj," I said quietly. " Benji, it's me. I know that you're mad at me, but it's me, I'm here. Please!" There was silence. And just as my heart was about to break, the door unlocked, and ever so slowly crept open.
" Tanya," he said, as if in shock. He looked too adorable. His hair a mess, sleep written all over his face.
" I'm sorry," I whispered. And he smiled. And of course I had to smile back. He spread his arm and I walked into them. He squeezed me tight as I stepped on my tiptoes. " I am so sorry, baby." I could feel his hold tightening.
" It's okay," he whispered. "Thank you for coming." We broke our hug and he grabbed my suitcase. "Come on." In less than a minute I had changed into sweats and a tee shirt. Benji was grabbing extra blankets and setting up to lay down on the floor.
" What are you doing," I asked.
" Giving you the bed," he explained. "I'm okay on the floor."
" I think not," I replied. I crawled into the bed. "C'mon, come lay with me." Benji looked hesitant. "Come on. We can share a bed."
" Are you sure?," he asked suddenly very shy. I pulled the blankets back and motioned for him to join me. He slowly crawled into bed. He lay as far away from me as possible.
" Benjamin," I mumbled. "I don't bite, I promise. Don't be nervous." I turned my eyes to his. "Shut off the light." He reached for the lamp and shut it off. In the darkness, I could still notice his nervousness. So, I take it upon myself to make him more comfortable. I reach over and take his left arm pulling him closer to me.
" What..." he began to ask me. His body followed my commands. My back to his chest.
" Benj," I pleaded, "just hold me." And then he relaxed. He pulled me close to him. He put his arm under my neck, his left arm draped over my stomach. I could feel his breath on my neck. It felt right, and there we fell asleep.
At nine am I was awakened by the sound of an alarm. My eyes ever so slowly fluttered open.
" No, no," moaned Benji. He reached over and shut off the alarm. "I don't wanna get up." He snuggled closer into me.
" I don't think we have much choice." I slowly sit up. "C'mon babe, let's go. I have to explain to Paul why I'm here. He'll be knockin' on this door in like two minutes." We both got up, I headed to the bathroom and as soon as I headed back into the room, Paul was knocking on the door. "I told you." Benji grinned and went into the bathroom and I opened the door for Paul.
A little after ten Paul, Benji, Billy and I, were walking to Joel's room to get him to go get breakfast. Paul knocked and Joel quickly swung open the door. As soon as his eyes bumped into mine his breath got caught in his throat. And for a split second I saw something familiar in his eyes. Something I had seen before....something I had seen in Benji's eyes.