Irreversible Mistake
Chapter 7
By: Complicated
We never told Benji what happened. I went back to the room and went on as if nothing had happened. And I thanked God that Benji never doubted me or the words I say. Joel knew better than to act strange in front of Benji. It's been almost a week since the deed had been done.
" You're too much," laughed Benji tugging me in to his arms. " I love you. Do you know that?" And as he said the words I don't think he realized what he was saying or that he was actually saying them to me.
" You what," I awed as I searched his eyes. " Did you just say that you're in love with me?"
" Yes, I did," he replied. " I am in love with you." And I cried. My eyes welled with tears and they spilled freely. But I smiled through it.
" God, I don't deserve you," I whispered. " You are too good to me."
" Funny, because I was thinking that I didn't deserve you," he whispered, and then he kissed me. And it was a kiss like none other and I knew that it was a feeling I never wanted to do without.
The following day, I took it upon myself to talk to Joel.
" Where you going," asked Benji half asleep from the bed.
" I'm gonna take a walk with Joel. We have problems that we need to resolve. I'll be back and when I come back we will go out to dinner, ok?"
" Bye, baby," he said. " Talk to you later." And I left the room, to meet Joel. He met me in the lobby and in silence we started walking.
" You know I have to let you go, right?," I said finally as we walked through a garden. " It has to end. You have to let me go. I can't do this anymore."
" You and I both have Benji's emotions and heart in mind but, what about me, Tanya? Do, I get a say in this, you are the woman I love, too."
" Your say doesn't matter. Joel, can't we be friends? And can't we leave it at that? The woman you love is in love with your twin."
" You love him?," awed Joel, and I could see his heart breaking through his eyes.
" I hadn't said it out loud till this very moment," I said gently. " But I do, chasing after you Benji conquered my heart. So, it's over. Never again will anything happen between you and I. You can be my best friend or my worst enemy. And I am hoping that you will say my best friend."
" Look, the sun is setting," he said his voice shaking. We both turned and looked out towards the horizon. It looked beautiful. " As the sun goes down so does any chance I had with you." He slid his hand in mine. " I'd rather be your best friend than nothing at all." And I smiled at him. But I knew in my heart that this was going to be just as hard for me as it was going to be for him.
" Good," I grinned, leaning my head on his shoulder.
" One last kiss," he asked. And I stretched up and gently kissed his cheek. And together we watched the sunset, knowing that life would never be the same.
Benji was still sleeping when I walked back into the room. I crawled into bed next to him. He looked so peaceful. I gently ran my finger tips over his face. He looked so innocent. It was kind of ironic all the tattoos and the piercings and yet he still had a baby face. He stirred a little, his eyes fluttering open, he smiled.
" I have to tell you something, I have come to realize something, you are very important to me. This is hard for me to say because they aren't words I say all the time. I love you, Benjamin Madden." And he said nothing, he just reached over pulled me close and gave me the best kiss of my life.
After that things just got better. I'm not going to lie, it was hard at first. But me and Joel did exactly what we set out to do. We became best friends but the love never left my heart and I don't think it ever left his. A year later Joel married the same blond girl that he had seen in front of the record store, the same one I had been jealous of. They had a beautiful wedding, I was the maid of honor. The irony of it all. Almost a year after that Benji asked me the magical question.
" Hey sweetie," I called to Benji as he walked into what now was our apartment.
" Hey Tanya," he replied. I was sitting on the couch shifting through a stack of pictures. One in particular stood out, I wanted to get it blown up. It was of me and the band. We are lying in sand Billy then Joel then me then Benj and the Paul. It was cute and we all looked so very happy. Benji walked into the room and knelt before me.
" Baby, what's wrong?" I was a little worried.
" Look at me," he asked and I did, my dark eyes searched his. " You're not lost anymore."
" I'm confused," I didn't understand.
" When I look into your eyes, I don't see Joel and when we're all together I didn't see you lost in his eyes. When I look into yours eyes, I see the man that you see in me. And that means alot to me. I never believed in love and all that other crap until you came along. And I know...I know that I don't ever want to be with another woman for as long as I live, will you marry me?" And my heart dropped this is every woman's' dream.
" How could I say no to that," I ask with tears in my eyes. And on my finger Benji slid and incredible five karat diamond. " Oh my God!!!" And I pulled him up into my arms and kissed him, the man that I would spend the rest of my life with.
Fast forward to my wedding day.
" I'm so excited," I grinned as my best friend Veronika and I finished getting me ready. " But, I am tired, too."
" Tell you what," smiled Veronika. " I'm gonna go make sure everything's ok, you take a 5 minute nap." And Veronika left and I closed my eyes and dozed off. And that was when I had my horrible nightmare...
" Benji," I said following you down the hallway. " Benji, wait!!!" You kept walking I knew you were upset. I grabbed you by your hand. " Talk to me..."
" About what?," you asked sadly causing my heart to break. " About the fact that you just said that you were so happy to be marrying my brother?"
" It was a mistake," I said my voice shaking." I had a dream and when I woke up I thought I was still in it."
" You dreamt that you were marrying Joel? Do you dream of him all the time? Or do you at times god forbid dream of me?"
" No," I sighed, tears streaming down my face. " You are the man of my dreams, you stepped out of my dreams and into my life. Look into my eyes, tell me that you honestly believe that I am still in love with your brother. Look at me!!!!!" And you did and you knew that you couldn't, we are in love and that was without a doubt.
" Tanya," you said quietly and you said nothing more before scooping me up into your arms. " I love you so much, do you know that? I love you more than life itself."
" I love you, too, baby," I whispered. " Now, come on. We're getting married and that's that, ok?" And you looked at me and smile.
" Yes, baby, yes," you said and I let out the biggest sigh of relief.
That was five years ago. And we are very happy. We have a daughter, Naomi, she's beautiful. The rest of our wedding day went smoothly. To this day Benji doesn't know about what happened between me and Joel. We never saw it necessary to tell him. So, in all actuality the actual irreversible mistake that I made he never actually knew of...let's hope he never finds out.
END.