The Double Line
Chapter 8
By: Erynn*Alice
This next shot is for Mina.
Thanks for breaking my heart, for tearing it to a million pieces, but leaving just enough of it in tact to make me miss you and love you and want you back.
I love her so much and it hurts so bad that she’s not here with me. It hurts so bad to know that I hurt her. My life is full of hurt and pain and sorrow and hell.
This next shot is for that message that Mina left on my cell phone last night.
Thanks for leaving me high and dry for nearly three weeks and then one day just calling me up and saying you’re not sure if you made the right choice in leaving me.
I have to get over this break up, because the longer it goes on, the more I want to die.
This next shot is for girls everywhere.
They fuck with your head.
“Shots all around!”
I’d drink myself into a coma if I thought that it would make all my problems and pain vanish into thin air.
I would bleed myself dry for that girl.
How fucked up is that?
I would DIE for a girl. I would die girl who has left me standing in the middle of a street on the crossroads of death and destruction.
I would die for no other person but Mina. She’s not just a girl. She’s a goddess.
She’s the goddess that fucked with my head from here to eternity. She’s the one who made me believe that no other woman will ever be able to measure up to her. I can never have anyone else.
Mina is it.
“So Paul, my boy, I hear you’d like to get trashed tonight?”
This next shot is for Cameron.
Thanks, Cameron, my childhood friend, my worst enemy, for kissing Mina last Thursday night at that party back home. Thanks for keeping tabs on Mina for me, thanks for shoving your fucking tongue down her throat!
This next shot is for Alex.
Thanks for being my brother, for calling me when Cameron kissed Mina. Thanks, because now I can put my drunken ass self to use for the first time in almost three weeks and kick Cameron’s ass.
This next shot is for best friends.
They’re only there to betray you and kick you when you’re down.
“One more shot, man, then get some water.”
I’d like to think that Cameron, that asshole, forced her into kissing him. That she was drunk, and he took advantage of her.
I’d like to think that, because then I could hit the fucker twice as hard. I’d bust his jaw open. I’d rip his hard out. I’d bleed him dry.
I would bleed Cameron dry for Mina Taylor.
I would kill my former best friend, my friend from third grade until now, for my former girlfriend, my girlfriend of almost three years.
I wonder when that party was. I wonder if Cameron was the one who made her think about ‘us’ and leave that message on my cell phone. I wonder if that made her realize how much she really wanted me back.
I still haven’t called her back.
I’m scared that she’ll just do further damage to my heart, and I’ll die from complications.
She has me in the palm of her hand, and she doesn’t even know it. I know Mina, and if she knew what she was doing to me, she’d stop. She’s not some sick sadistic bitch out for me; no…she’s better than that.
I miss her so much.
“Come on, Paul, you can’t even walk straight.”
This next shot is for my good friend, Tony.
Thank you, Tony, for teaching me how to drink and drink well and how to forget about my problems. I feel like a million bucks lost in some gutter right now, waiting for some bum on the streets to pick me up and give me the respect I need and deserve from the one that will suck me dry. Thanks, Tony, from the bottom of my booze filled heart.
This next shot is for Benji.
Thank you, Benji, for not coming tonight to express your sheer disappointment in me. You knew that sooner or later the bottle and I would find each other and fall in love and that the bottle would replace Mina in my life. Thanks Benji, tonight was a great guilt free night.
This next shot it for the bottle.
Who said that drinking is bad when it makes everything go numb?
“Just puke it all up, man, you’ll feel better.”
We were in Chicago. Mest, our good friends, were there. Tony heard that I was willing to get hammered, so he took me to his favorite bar. Benji stayed in the hotel so he wouldn’t ruin my one night drinking binge.
I could have drunk every last drop from every last bottle in that bar, and I was well on my way by the time Tony decided to help me hobble out to the curve and catch a cab.
I felt like shit, but I was numb from all the pain Mina has caused me, so I didn’t feel like total shit, but shit nonetheless. He told me to puke, but I just couldn’t. I knew it’d make me feel better, but I still couldn’t puke. I tried to stick a finger down my throat and get all that alcohol up, but even then it didn’t work. I only wanted more Jack Daniels, because the left over taste of the liquid on my finger that I shoved down my throat drove me wild.
I laid in bed that night, and everything was numb. Everything was black and dark and I felt like day would never come.
And it was okay, because I couldn’t feel that pain she had inflicted on me.
God, I hurt so badly.
“Don’t make this a habit. It won’t help after awhile.”
Nothing will help after awhile.