The List
Chapter 10
By: Erynn*Alice
“I’m going to have a scar for the rest of my life.”
Eric looked down at me and I ran my fingers over the top of the stitches. “Stop that.” He pushed my hand down to my leg and shook his head. “You’ll just get them dirty and then they’ll get infected and then your head will fall off due to gangrene.”
I looked up at him disgustedly. His arm was around my shoulders and he pulled me closer to his body. Eric sent Billy home while the doctor was stitching me up, and I didn’t even get to see him, or say good-bye, or thank him for the ride, or kiss him. I wanted to kiss him.
Eric was holding me close to his body and I remembered how nice his arms felt against my skin. I forgot about Billy and the stitches and the wedding for a bit and focused on how nice it was to have Eric hold me.
I subconsciously brought my fingers to my skin again and he pushed them back down to my legs. “Should I just chop your head off now or when we get home?” He asked playfully.
Item #37: He knows when to make jokes and when to not, and he never takes a serious situation too seriously.
“I’m just curious, Eric. I’ve never had stitches. It feels weird.”
“Get used to it.”
“The doctor said I can’t wash my face and I can’t wear make-up on the scar until it’s healed.”
“Well, do what the doctor says or else your head will fall off.”
“I can’t wash my face for a week and a half while it heals. That’s going to be so gross.”
“Not for you, for me. I’m the one that kisses that forehead.” He tilted his head down and kissed the skin right next to the bandage. His lips were warm against my skin and a little chapped, but nice.
The cab pulled up outside the apartment and Eric paid the cabbie and rushed out of the car to grab a hold of my arm. He was still afraid I was going to topple over and faint again.
We walked into the apartment and he helped me up to bed. I pulled the comforter around my body and brought my knees up to my chest to rest my chin on. He sat down in front of my and ran a hand over my cheek and I felt a wave of warmth wash over my body.
“Can I get you anything?” He asked, looking deeply into my eyes. His brown eyes were filled with a new kind of passion, something I hadn’t seen in him in a few weeks, or hadn’t noticed due to our schedules and the list.
“Lay with me.” I whispered softly. He nodded and kicked his shoes off to slide next to me in the bed, resting his arm around my waist lazily.
“You and Billy are pretty close,” He said suddenly with his lips close to my ear.
“Yeah, he’s a lot of fun.” I rolled over in bed and left him to stare at my back. The subject made me nervous and I knew that if I were standing, I’d faint again.
He sighed and pulled on my shoulder to turn me back to him. “Jace, look at me.”
“What?”
“How close are you and Billy?”
“We’re friends, okay?”
“Jace, talk to me.”
I sat up in bed and looked at him. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I want to talk about you and Billy!” He yelled and sat up to be eyelevel with me. “I want to know what’s going on between you two!”
“Eric, why can’t you believe me when I tell you that nothing is going on?”
“Because I saw the way he was with you in the car, and in the elevator. Tell me, Jace, I’m your fiancée; I have a right to know what’s going on between you two. I have a right to know if you’re seeing someone behind my back.”
I stood up and walked over to the window in a cloud of panic and anger. I was so afraid to tell him the truth, but I was so angry that he didn’t believe me. The anger seemed to be the most self absorbed emotion in my body at that point, because he really did have no reason to trust me.
“We slept together!” I yelled and felt tears rush into my eyes. “He came over yesterday and we made love.”
I watched Eric’s brown eyes become glossy and he placed a hand over his mouth. I felt horrible. I wondered if I had gotten it out sooner, before I started to doubt everything, if I would have felt so horrible.
“I can’t believe this,” he slowly whispered.
“Eric,” I started with a shaky breath. “Eric, I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“Baelee made this list about the perfect guy for me. She gave it to me awhile ago and told me that she thought there were better guys than you out there for me. And then, I met Billy and he had all these things on the list that you didn’t have, and I started to have lunch with him and one thing led to another and then last night…”
“I really don’t want to hear about last night, Jace.” His voice was unstable and cold. I didn’t know what to say, but he was starting to cry and I felt even worse.
Item #43: He’s not afraid to show emotion.
“Eric…” I started slowly and walked over to the bed.
“No, Jace, don’t even.” He held his hand out to tell me to stop coming closer to him. I stopped, not wanting to disobey him since I had just betrayed him. “Just do me a favor, okay, answer me a question. Can you do that?” I nodded slowly. “Do you love him?”
I shuffled through the array of emotions that were cluttered in my head. Yesterday I was positive I loved Billy and that morning I was positive I loved Billy, but at that moment I wasn’t sure of anything. After Eric had been so loving towards me that day, I just wasn’t sure if what I had felt for Billy that last night was love or lust or anything.
So I said nothing.
“Will you answer me?”
“I don’t know, Eric. I really don’t. I’m so confused.” I sat down on the bed and put my hands over my eyes, trying to black the rest of the world out.
Eric sighed and crawled over to sit next to me on the side of the bed. He placed a hand on my back and rubbed it slightly. “You’d know if you loved him, Jace.”
I felt the warmth of tears pile up behind my eyelids and I tried to blink them away, but they stubbornly refused and eventually made their way down my face.
“He can’t give you the future I can, Jace. Epic told me that if this record doesn’t blow up, Good Charlotte will be dropped from the label. I honestly can’t see this record going anywhere soon. Even if it does blow up, Jace, he won’t be around for the next two or three years, minimum. He’ll be touring the world and meeting fans and girls. He won’t be there for you like I can.” He sighed and pulled me closer to his body. “He can’t love you like I can, Jace, and I do love you so much.”