No Love Is Unconditional
Chapter 12
By: Erynn*Alice
“Ms. Madden, I really can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing. This really means a lot,” Luxx gushed from her hotel bed. A needle filled with Ms. Madden’s blood was being prepared to go into her arm.
“You can call me Jane.” She smiled and sat down on the bed opposite from the young girl. Benji was sitting in a chair next to Luxx’s bedside, holding her hand. “I just hope everything works out for the best.”
Benji brought Luxx’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. All he could think of was how in a few days when the doctor would tell them that everything was alright, he’d have to get on a plane back to D.C. and never see her again. He kept his eyes away from his mother’s and his fiancée’s.
Luxx had no idea what was going on. She didn’t know that if Jane’s blood worked, she’d lose Benji forever. She was completely in the dark about everything, and it killed Benji to watch her go about her life and make plans for the baby when he knew that the baby would have no father and Luxx would have no husband.
Every now and then, Luxx would bring up wedding plans. It made Benji so sad and sick that he couldn’t keep the tears from falling out of his eyes. She’d ask what was wrong and he’d make up some excuse about how he wished he father could see him get married. He wanted to kill himself, but he knew the problem would still exist and be more permanent than before.
“Alright, here we go,” the nurse said as she pushed the needle into Luxx’s vein and emptied the blood into her body. Her hand gripped his; he knew how much she hated needles. He laid his head against her stomach, trying to contain his tears when he realized that was the closest he’d ever get to his first born child. “And we’re done.”
“That’s all? It’s over?” Luxx asked as the empty needle was disposed of.
“That’s it. It’s over.” The nurse pulled her gloves off and opened the door of the room. “The doctor will be in to talk with you in a moment.”
Benji kept his head pressed to her stomach, trying to get a grip on the tears that were piling up in his eyes. “Benji, it’s over.” He heard Luxx’s words and felt pain surface against his skin. It really was over. “Benj, what’s wrong?”
He lifted his head up from her stomach. “I’m just glad that you and the baby are going to be okay, that’s all,” he lied. She smiled sweetly and ran a hand through his hair.
“I love you,” she said.
His heart splintered and the tears that had become all too familiar to him in the past two days came back with a stinging vengeance. Confessing his love to her was the only truth he had left to give her, and it was the most painful thing in his life. He knew that in a few days, she would consider his confessions of love nothing but a complete lie.
Benji moved his head to her lips and let his rest against hers softly. “I love you, too,” he replied after much hesitation with his lips pressed against hers. He meant it.
The door slowly opened to reveal a white coated woman Benji and Luxx had gotten to know as Luxx’s doctor, Dr. Laughlin.
“It’s a good day, isn’t it?” she said as she approached Luxx’s bedside. “And who’s this?”
“This is my mother, Jane Madden,” Benji introduced the two.
Dr. Laughlin smiled and reached across the bed to shake Jane’s hand. “You must be happy, a grandchild.”
“Life is a gift.” She replied, letting go of the doctor’s hand and stepping back to the bed she was sitting on.
“So, let’s do a quick check.” The doctor checked Luxx’s blood pressure, heart beat, breathing, and reflexes quickly. “Since the donation matched all the requirements, I do expect this to turn out fine. There is a small chance of error, so you’ll have to come back in on Thursday, in two days, and get checked out again. If everything’s fine on Thursday, everything should go as planned for the rest of the pregnancy.”
Benji forced a weak smile onto his face, realizing that his first born was going to be okay and further more that the love of his life was, too. He knew what his plans were going to be for the rest of the pregnancy, and it killed him to even think about it.
Luxx turned to smile at Benji, “Let’s get out of here.”
He nodded and slid his arm behind her back and helped her up. The three thanked Dr. Laughlin and walked out of the hospital. Jane took her rental car back to the hotel and Benji and Luxx to theirs back to their apartment.
The ride was full of silence, which Luxx thought was odd since Benji seemed to always have something to talk about, especially after good news. She waited for him to start gushing about how great their life was going to be together or how happy they were going to be or how he always wanted a complete family. She waited, but he never even said a word.
“You’re acting weird, Benj.”
He took his eyes that had become so focused on the road and set them on her for a moment. “It just seems like it’s been a long day, you know?” He lied again.
“I wish you’d talk to me.”
He shrugged. “About what?”
“Whatever is wrong, Benji. I’m worried. You’ve been acting weird since I came home from the hospital.”
Benji let out a sigh and tried to think back to all the times he lied to Joel or his mom about how he was ‘alright’ with his dad leaving when he really wasn’t. He remembered how to lie about his feelings. He had become great at disguising pain. “I just worry about you sometimes, Luxx.” He took a hand off the steering wheel and grabbed hers. She unbuckled her seat belt and moved across the seat to be next to him.
He protectively wrapped his arm around her and revealed a true feeling. “I love you, Luxx. I swear I always will.”
“I know, Benji. I love you, too, unconditionally.”
[“A gaping hole, shot through my heart/a lost connection from your poison dart/shot from your tongue to end my life. /you’re blowing at the fire to light your strife/you’ll never know/the hardest thing about dying is, knowing you'll never see the light of day.” Senses Fail: “One Eight Seven”]