The Sharp Hint of New Tears
Chapter 9
By: Erynn*Alice
She laid in a silent sleep next to him. Ashton felt warm, but he saw her shiver every now and then. Joel would reach out and grasp her hand, after a little bit, she wouldn't be cold.
He called Paul before they left a few days ago. He knew Benji would get mad and not understand his need to spend time with her, help her, be with her. Paul would, he didn't know why, but Paul would understand.
Paul sighed, concealing the fact that he didn't think it was a good idea to drive cross country just to be with a girl. While he may have thought it wasn't a good idea, he knew it was for the best. Joel kept Ashton's thoughts of suicide to himself. He knew Paul would disapprove of the whole idea immediately if he knew.
Paul promised to relay the information to Benji as soon as possible. He also promised to keep his brother from jumping on the phone and getting angry. Paul would keep everything in order back in Waldorf while Joel kept everything in order in Ashton.
They spent days on the road, taking turns driving and occasionally stopping at a hotel or a restaurant in some small town along the way to California. One night they even slept in the backseat of her car, curling up in each other's arms and falling asleep. It was perfect on the road. Everything in their lives were either in front of them or behind them, except each other.
Joel pulled the car over to the side of the highway. She stirred in her sleep, then sat up. He smiled at her, and kissed her forehead. "Sleep well?"
She nodded and stretched in her seat. "Do you want me to drive?" Her voice was sleepy, but more energized than when she had called him that last night in Waldorf.
"No." He stated simply and got out of the car. Ashton watched him walk around to the side of the car and grab her hand through the rolled-down window. "I want you to come on a walk with me." He opened her door, and grabbed her other hand. He locked he door and traveled down the hill with her next to him.
The sunlight beat down on them both. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm glad you came with me."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
Ashton smiled. She was feeling better now that she was out of that town. A small pond resided in the middle of the field. They were somewhere in Colorado at that point. Joel sat down first and tugged at her hand to sit with him. She sat down, then laid in his lap. He stroked her soft hair, and felt the sun quickly warm it.
His brown eyes transferred from hers off into the distance. She watched him and followed his eyes. "What are you thinking about?" She asked, turning his face down to hers.
He smiled laid down next to her on the green grass. Propped up on his elbow, and Ashton following suite, they began to talk. "You know, I was sure I loved you back in high school." He brushed a hair from her face. "But I'm definitely in love with you now."
She smiled up at him and blushed. "I love you, too, Joel." She shook her head. "God. This is so fucking cheese-ball." He laughed a bit and kissed her softly on the lips, sending a shiver through her body.
She loved him, he loved her, but she didn't know exactly why a sharp pang hit her whenever she thought about it. Ashton was hurt, broken inside, and it hurt to know someone loved her, cared about her for all those years, and she never gave him more than a quick smile in the hallway or a hushed conversation at a concert.
She hated knowing he loved her, because she knew sooner or later it'd end. Ashton Joel Madden was too good for her, and that in the end, such a kind man would end up getting hurt. She hated having to live with it.
She rolled away from him and stood up, crazy thoughts clouding her mind. "We better get going," She whispered and walked up the hill, leaving Joel laying in the grass behind her. He watched Ashton move swiftly to the car, something was bothering her again, he wished he could get inside her head and make everything better.
After soaking up one more moment in the sun, he jogged up the hill and slipped into the passenger side of the car. He watched her for a moment, trying to look inside her head. She turned her head towards his and mouthed 'what'. Joel smiled softly and shook his head.
She started the car and eased away from the side of the road, getting on their journey yet again. She felt his eyes on her as she drove, turning again to him, she mouthed the same question. This time he had responded with more than a drunk-on-love smile.
"What are you thinking about?"
She searched for a good response, something other than the dreary one that loomed in her mind. "Home." She whispered, lied.
He nodded, "Homesick?"
She nodded, silently lying, praying Joel couldn't see right through her. He knew deep down she was indeed lying to him, but forced the thought from his mind. All he wanted to think about was how she has happy, making him happy, how they loved each other. He didn't want to face what he knew was going to come.
You're far too cold for me to warm you though I'd love to hold a lighter to your skin
And its sick for me to warn you when you grab the knife and help them sink it in.
Do you hear me call your name? My throat is bleeding.
Wherever you may go I will pursue you.
You will not escape the glare my eyes will spit.
You should eat your words without your liar's dressing.
I regret the years I put up with your shit.
Wherever you go along this blood-soaked coast you will see my ghost.
I, the one you burned the most.
I will be there. Just listen, lover.
Oh my god, I'm still here
("You Help Them" by Say Anything)