Say Anything
Chapter 1
By: Jessi
“Jessie, please. You have to believe me, I really am sorry.” Joel said. I sat there in silence not knowing what to say and not wanting to say anything. “Please talk to me. I need to know what you’re feeling.” Joel said desperately. “I don’t know what to say.” – “Say anything.” – “I don’t have anything to say right now but when I do I’ll call you. Good Bye.” I said hanging up as my twin sister, Jenna, walked in the room.
“Hey, who were you talking to?” She said putting the groceries on table. I stood up and put the phone on the hook, “You’re bitch.” I said walking away. “Come on Jessie. Don’t be that way.” Jenna said sighing and putting her hands on the table. “I’ll be whatever way I wanna be.” I said angrily with tears forming in my eyes.
I walked into my room, I slammed the door and laid on my bed. I buried my face into my pillows and began to cry, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened days before.
~*Flashback*~
We were all at Jenna’s and my apartment hanging out with Benji, Joel, Billy, and Paul. Joel and I had been going out for about a year and 5 months but we’ve been friends forever. “Hey guys what are we doing tonight?” Jenna said leaning against the counter. “Lets go out.” Benji said looking at us. “To where?” I asked looking at Benji. “Out drinking.” Benji replied. I shook my head, “No, every time we do that we always get wasted.” – “So. It’ll be fun, come on.” Joel said putting his arm around me. “You guys go ahead, I’ll just stay here.” I said standing up and walking into the kitchen. “I’ll stay with you, I don’t feel like drinking tonight.” Paul said pausing his game. “Fine, be a bunch of babies.” Billy said crossing his arms. Paul and I looked at each other and then at the others, we start making baby noises and crying like them. They just rolled their eyes, and got up to leave. “Bye. I love you.” Joel said kissing me. “Have fun, and be good. I love you too.” I replied returning the kiss. “Bye guys.” Paul and I waved and went back to playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3.
“Man, they’ve been out for a long time.” I said looking at the clock on the wall. The clock read 1:30 am, they’ve been out for about 5 hours. I looked over at Paul who was sleeping in the chair next to me. I walked over to Paul and woke him up, “It’s 1:30 in the morning, you should probably go home and sleep in your own bed.” Paul shook his head and got up. We hugged and he left. I went into my bedroom and went to bed. I heard Jenna come home, and she wasn’t alone, I didn’t get up to see who it was considering I’d see him in the morning. I went back to sleep.
I woke up to the bright sun filling my room with it’s light. I got up and closed my curtains, I walked out into the living room to find Jenna and Joel on the couch. “Hey guys, how was last night?” I asked walking into the kitchen and pouring myself some apple juice. “Uh, it was fun.” Jenna said unsure, Joel nodded. “Well it sounded like fun from what I heard coming from your room.” I laughed. Jenna and Joel laughed nervously. “Whats with you guys? Is everything ok?” Joel and Jenna looked at each other and then at me, Joel shook his head ‘no’.
I took a drink of my apple juice. “Well what happened?” I asked after swallowing. Jenna got up and walked over to me, she pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back, and raised my eyebrow at her. Jenna didn’t hug me often, and when she didn’t something always seemed incredibly wrong. “Well?” I say again.
“Jessie, why don’t you sit down.” Jenna said pointing to a chair. “No, I’m fine standing.” – “Okay. Well last night we went out right?” – “Yeah.” – “Well we did get wasted. And…” I cut her off, “Doesn’t surprise me.” I took another drink and let Jenna continue. She sighed and paused, “Well, Joel and I, we uh, kinda, uh had sex.”
I nearly spit out my apple juice, but I kept it in and swallowed. “You did what?” – “We had sex. I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to but we were wasted and you know.” – ‘No I don’t know. And I don’t want to.” I said fighting back tears. “Jessie, we’re sorry. Really sorry.” Joel said trying to give me a hug. I pushed him away, “Don’t touch me. Just leave.” I cried. Joel hung his head in shame and left. Jenna turned to me, “Jessie, please understand.” – “No, I don’t want to. You told me what happened and I don’t want to know anything more.” I said leaving the room and going back into mine. I slammed the door and cried into my pillow.
Jenna tried talking to me, but I wouldn’t talk back. I ignored her as much as I could, same with Joel. I was so hurt, I couldn’t stand it so I stayed in the house for 3 days straight. Jenna had to go to work those 3 days, one day when she was gone I got a phone call. It was Joel.
“Hello.” I answered. “Jessie. Can I talk to you?” – “Why? I don’t know when my sister is available sorry.” I stood there with an awkward silence on the other end.
~*End Of Flashback*~
I lay there thinking about everything, nothing skips. Its like a movie going through my head and it doesn’t stop. My head starts to hurt, I get up and go to the kitchen to get some aspirin. I find Jenna on the phone talking to someone quietly, I figured it was Joel since she said she had to go and hung up as soon as I was in the kitchen. I didn’t look at her, I did what I had to and left. I went back into my bedroom and turned on the TV, I flipped through stations when I stopped on MTV. They were reairing the Warped Tour: Now and Then, I just happened to turn it on when Benji and Joel were talking. I didn’t change the channel, I watched it, I didn’t want to but I did. The finally went to a commercial so I changed it to Spongebob. I fell asleep watching it.
“Jessie. Wake up, you have a phone call.” Jenna said shaking me. “Take a message.” I said rolling over. “No, its really important.” I got up and picked up the phone on my nightstand.
“Hello.” – “Hey.” – “Look Joel I really don’t feel like talking to you right now.” – “Its Benji.” – “I’m sorry. I thought you were Joel.” – “Yeah, I know. That’s ok.” – “So what did you need.” – “I was wondering if you wanted to come to band practice tonight, its in our garage like old times.” I smiled, I remembered the old days when they were good. “Of course, what time?” – “Seven.” – “K, see ya then.” – “K, bye.” I hung up the phone and got up to take a shower.
As soon as I got out I got ready to go. It was almost 7 so I had to hurry. I finally finished and went out the door. “Bye.” Jenna said as I left, I didn’t say anything to her I just left. I got in my car and headed to the guys’ house. I put on my New Found Glory CD and sang along trying not to think about whats happened. I pulled into the driveway of Joel and Benji’s house. I knocked on the door and was greeted by Paul, “Hey.” I said hugging him. “Hey, come on in and head to the garage.” I went in and walked through the kitchen to the garage.
I waved to everyone and sat on the couch. I sat there as I watched the guys set things up and do a small sound check. They played some songs they’ve been working on and they sounded great, we sat around and talked while they took a break and then went back to playing. I glanced at the clock on the wall, it was 11. “Hey guys I got to go.” I said getting up and heading towards the door. Joel got up and ran towards the door coming after me, “Jessie, can we please, please, please talk?” Joel said grabbing my arm. “Fine but make it quick.” – “Ok, can we sit in your car and talk?” – “I suppose.”
We walked out of the house and got into my car. “Look, I really am sorry. I don’t know how else to tell you, but I really mean it and I don’t wanna lose you. Please Jess, you have to forgive me. I can’t live without you, I’m not lying. Please.” Joel said starting cry. I started crying when I saw him, “Joel I know. I know you’re sorry. And…and I do forgive you.” - “Really?” – “Yes. Cause I cant be without you either, I’ve realized it.” We sat in my car holding each other when the porch light turned on. Joel and I kissed, “I’ll talk to you later ok?” I nod my head ‘yes’ and Joel gets out of the car. I sit there watching him as he makes his way up to the house, I relax and let out a sigh. Joel reached the steps and turned around to wave to me, I waved back and started my car. I pulled out of the driveway and went home.
I got into the apartment and went towards my bedroom when I saw Jenna sitting on the couch watching tv. I walked over to her and gave her a hug, she hugged me back. We pulled away, “What was that for?” Jenna asked with a surprised look on her face. “I’m sorry.” I smiled. Jenna smiled back, “I’m sorry too.” – “I’m going to go to bed ok?” – “Ok, night.” I walked into my room and plopped on the bed, I fell asleep quickly.
I woke up uncomfortable. I hadn’t changed into pajamas so I slept in jeans and a shirt. I hated sleeping in jeans. I got out of bed and went out in the living room to watch some morning cartoons. I sat on the couch and turned the tv on, I flipped through all the channels finding nothing. I flipped through again and stopped on the Disney channel, Fraggle Rock was on. I loved this show. Jenna walked into the living room, “Fraggle Rock! Oh my god, I love this show!” She ran over and jumped on the couch next to me. We were watching Fraggle Rock when there was a knock on the door, “Who is it?” Jenna and I both yelled at the same time. We looked at each other and laughed, “It’s Benji and Joel.” Joel yelled from outside the door. “Come in.” Jenna yelled back. Benji and Joel walked in and stood there looking at us like we were crazy. “What?” I said not taking my eyes off the screen. “What are you guys doing?” Joel asked. “Watching Fraggle Rock.” – “Fraggle Rock, this show is the greatest.” Benji said sitting on the chair next to the couch Jenna and I were on, Joel sat on the floor in front of me.
We watched Fraggle Rock until it was over, “So why did you guys come over?” Jenna asked stretching. I joined her and yawned, I stretched my arms over my head and Joel poked my side while Benji talked. I jumped, “Hey that was uncalled for.” I said rubbing my side. “I’m sorry.” Joel said sticking out his bottom lip. We laughed, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Joel’s neck. We had interrupted Benji so he finished talking, “Well as I was saying, we were bored and had nothing else to do.” – “So you came here to bug us?” Jenna asked walking into the kitchen. “Yeah, pretty much.” Jenna rolled her eyes, “Do you guys want anything?” – “Apple juice please.” I said giving a big smile. “I’ll have the same.” Benji said leaning back in the chair. Joel nodded his head ‘no’ not wanting anything but Jenna brought him some water anyway.
We sat around the living room talking about non-sense and sometimes we sat in silence. “Hey Jenna I was wondering if you could help me find something at the mall, Joel and I tried looking once but Joely here isn’t a good shopper.” Benji said standing up. “Yeah sure. Let me throw some clothes on and we can go.” Jenna replied standing up and walking into her bedroom. “What are you looking for?” I asked. “Oh, the right strings for my guitar.” – “Oh that’s cool.” I gave Benji a questioning look, I wondered why he wanted Jenna to help him. Jenna finally came out and her and Benji left. Joel and I were in the apartment alone.
We sat on the couch in silence, lately that’s all that seems to fill the room. I looked at Joel who was looking at me with a smile on his face. I smiled back, and the next thing I knew our lips collided into each other in the blink of an eye. Joel kissed my lips and neck as he made his way on top of me, he lifted my shirt up over my head and explored my body with his lips. He moved his hands all around until he found the button to my pants, he quickly undid them and threw them on the floor.
“Joel, wait. What if Jenna and Benji come back while we’re doing this?” I asked as his lips touched my body. He stopped and looked at me, “I’ll go lock the door.” I smiled as he got up and locked the door, he ran back and started where he left off.
Joel took off his clothes and threw them across the room, landing by mine. I watched as Joel made a trail of kisses down my body, he came up to where our lips met and kissed me. The next thing I knew I could feel Joel inside of me, I felt him as he went in and out slowly and then fast.
Joel stopped all the sudden, he got off and picked up our clothes throwing mine at me. He rushed into the bathroom and closed the door, I sat up and wondered what scared him off. ‘Oh shit.’ I thought to my self. I heard voices in the hall walking towards the apartment, I quickly scrambled to my bedroom and put my clothes on. I unlocked the door and waited on the couch for Jenna and Benji to return, but they didn’t yet.
Joel came out of the bathroom and sat on the couch next to me, “Sorry about that, I thought Benji and Jenna were back.” – “It’s okay, I understand. It wasn’t Benji and Jenna, it was just the neighbors.” Joel leaned over and kissed me. We sat on the couch in silence again.
“During our fights did you ever smile?” Joel asked out of the blue, looking up at me. I gave him a questioning face, “Not that I can remember, why?” – “Cause I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice, but right now all I feel is the pain of our fighting starting up again.” – “Oh, well its hard to get over things sometimes. I know its happened before, but I guess its just the second time really hits ya.” – “Yeah, I understand.” We both looked down and sat in silence some more.
We sat in silence for about 10 minutes when Jenna and Benji returned. They burst through the door laughing hysterically, Joel and I looked up at them wondering what was so funny. “Hey guys.” Jenna said between laughs. “Whats so funny?” I said giving a questioning smile. “Oh, well we were at the mall and you know that dumb up dog joke you do to everyone?” – “Yeah, that’s classic.” – “Well we went around doing that to people and they were getting mad and stuff, it was so funny.” – “Alright.” – “You had to be there, you know?” – “Yeah, I know.”
Benji found the guitar strings he was looking for and he showed it to us. “Have you guys ate anything yet?” Benji asked while putting his strings away. Joel and I shook our heads ‘no’. “Well you guys wanna go someone and grab a bite?” – “Sure.” Joel said jumping to his feet. “Yeah, let me get my shoes on.” I replied getting up and walking to my room.
We all piled into my jeep and set off towards a little diner a few blocks away. On the way there we listened to our friends Mest, we sang along to everyone song and bounced around. We all laughed after the song finished, we only got to listen to about 5 songs before pulling into the parking lot. We got out and walked into the smoky diner, we tried to avoid the gross smoke but its didn’t work as well as we planned. Our waiter sat us in our normal booth, way in the back by the window and door. We ordered our drinks and sat around waiting for them. We got our drinks and ordered, we got our food but we never talked. Again it was an awkward silence, I finished my meal and coughed, “God, I have to get out of here. I’m going to step out side for some fresh air.” – “I’m going to go too.” Jenna said crawling out of the booth and walking out the door with me.
“That place is so smoky, its disgusting.” I said crossing my arms over my chest. “Yeah, but the food is great.” Jenna said looking at the passing cars. I nodded my head ‘yes’, “Jessie, can I tell you something.” Jenna looked at the ground and then at me. “Yeah, sure. We’re sisters so you’re secret is safe with me.” I smiled. She looked at the ground and told me. My mouth dropped and my eyes widened, “Are you serious?” she shook her head ‘yes’, Jenna and I hugged. Joel came out while we were hugging, “Jenna, can I talk to Jessie?” – “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll go talk to Benji.” Jenna left in a hurry.
“Hey.” He said walking over and standing next to me. “Hi.” – “I have something to tell you.” – “Yay, more news.” – “What?” – “Nevermind, go on.” – “K, well all the things we talk about I want you to know they stay on my mind, I always think about them and all the things we laugh about, it brings me through the hardest times. I’m sorry about the way I’ve treated you in the past and I want you to know that both Jenna and that girl meant nothing like what you mean to me.” I smiled at Joel and pulled him into a hug. I kissed his cheek, “I know you are, and I feel the same way about everything you said.” Joel snuggled his face into my neck and held him in my arms, like it used to be. We stood outside that way for awhile when Jenna and Benji came out and told us that we’re leaving. Joel and I let go and got in the car, we headed back to my apartment.
We got to the apartment and sat on the couch and chairs again. It was getting late and we were all tired, “Jess, can I crash here tonight?” Joel said turning his head and looking at me. “Yeah.” – “Jenna and I will go back to our place and we’ll call you in the morning ok?” Benji said looking at all of us. “K, fine with me. Bye Jenna, bye Benji.” – “Bye guys.” Jenna and Benji left quickly. As soon as they were gone Joel and I seemed more awake. In fact we were hyper and bouncing off the walls. The phone rang, “Hello!” I answered cheerfully. “Jessie.” An older voice came from the other end of the phone. “Yes, Mrs. Johnson. It is I, Jessie. What can I help you with this morning.” I looked up at the clock, it was 3 am. “I would appreciate it if you’d quiet down and let your neighbors sleep.” – “Yes, ma’am.” I saluted knowing she couldn’t see me. I hung up the phone and got more calls from my neighbors complaining at Joel and I. We laughed at the calls, but our hyperness wore down and we went to bed.
We didn’t fall asleep but we lay in bed actually talking. “I hate fighting with you, it makes me sad. Even when we were friends and we fought I hated it. My dad would always say that time changes and best friends can become strangers, he said it might happen to us. But I don’t want that, not for you.” Joel said lying on his back looking up at the ceiling. I turned over on my side and looked at him, “If you just stay with me we can make it through. I hate fighting too and I hate when we argue about it.” – “I’ll stay with you. And we do not argue about fighting.” – “Yes we do. We did it just last week.” – “No we don’t, that’s not true.” – “Here we are again, the same old argument. When we were younger we’d fight about fighting, and I know we’ve grown up since then.” – “Not really. I’m always wondering if things will ever change, when will we laugh again? You know, like we did back then.” – “Whats with you? You’ve been so worried about our relationship ever since you and Jenna, is something going on?” – “Nothing, but I am worried. I don’t want our relationship to go down hill, and I’m just trying to fix it I guess.” I sighed and moved closer to Joel. He put his arms around me and we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
I woke up hearing Jenna and Benji trying to open the door. I slid out of Joel’s arms and opened the door for them, “Troubles?” I asked walking towards the couch and sitting on it. “Yeah.” Jenna said joining me. “I just came to get Joel, and then we’re leaving k?” Benji said walking towards my room. Jenna and I nodded our heads, about five minutes later Benji and Joel walked out of my room. Joel walked over to me, and kissed me. “Bye Joely, I love you.” – “I love you too.” And then they left.
“So how was last night? Anything exciting happen between you two?” Jenna asked wanting to gossip. “No, but Joel is really worrying me.” – “Why?” – “Cause lately we don’t talk anymore and when we do, its about our relationship and it scares me.” – “What do you talk about?” – “Well he asked me if I ever smiled when we talked on the phone during our arguments, and all this stuff about changing and not being friends. He’s worried about our relationship and I don’t know why.” – “I don’t know what to tell you, but that is some pretty serious stuff. You should really talk to him about it.” I nodded my head, “I will. What about you? Anything go on with you and Benji?” – “No, I actually stayed at Paul’s.” – “Have you told him yet?” – “No, I’m afraid to. You’re the only one that knows.” – “You need to tell him, Jen.” – “I know and I will. I’ll tell everyone at the same time.” – “Well lets go out tonight and we’ll talk to everyone about the things that need to be talked about.” – “K, go get dressed and I’ll call everyone.” – “Okay.”
I got up and went to my room to get ready. I came out about 30 minutes later and Jenna just got off the phone reserving a table for us. “Let’s go.” She said standing up and heading out the door. I followed her, I closed and locked the door as soon as I stepped out of the apartment. We got in my car and headed off to the restaurant to meet the others.